Those wretched tomatoes! Would this bother you?

[Iris]

[bg] I have mentioned on the forum before that I hate, really, really hate tomatoes. It makes me feel physically ill to eat them simply because the taste is so vile. However, I can eat them when it is a 'buried' taste, e.g. tomato paste in a casserole. In the past I have claimed an 'intolerance' to tomatoes for ease of communication, but I lapse all the time because I really don't like lying if it can be possibly avoided plus I don't want to be one of "those" people that make their life more dramatic by claiming allergies/illnesses. I have a strict policy of not claiming an allergy because I know that leads to food safety complications.[/bg]

When I was at a restaurant the other night I questioned the waiter about the tomato content of a dish. I explained that I noticed some (most) of the other dishes had chunks of tomato in them and I wanted to check that the dish I was ordering didn't. The waiter asked if I was allergic to tomatoes. I said "No. I just don't like them." She brightly said "Oh. Like a kid!"

No, not like a kid. I am not refusing to eat my vegetables because they're 'icky' or 'gross'. I'm a grown woman who is trying to order a meal that I will enjoy.

It rubbed me the wrong way that she said that. It seemed so patronising. So I thought I'd ask; would that bother you? Is it my own fault for not using the 'intolerance' line? Should I have said something? I was raised in a 'never make a fuss' family and I still struggle with that so I never know if I should have said something or not.

[Sharnita]

Actually I think the problem is really that people dismiss the food preferences of kids and try to force food they abhor on them because they have little power to prevent it.

[MOM21SON]

I think that is a perfect example of, "What an interesting assumption."  And yes I would have said it or, I would have said the truth about my medical condition and what tomatoes make me do with very short notice.

GEEZ.  CRIVINS! is wrong with people?

[Sophia]

I would have left immediately.  No, I'd have explained to the manager on my way out.

[CluelessBride]

I can eat cooked or processed tomatoes, but raw ones irritate my mouth. It won't kill me to eat them, but it's not very pleasant so I also order things without raw tomatoes. I too used to get the "picky eater" comment or compared to a kid. I think it's incredibly rude, on the level with calling someone pretentious because they like caviar or filet mignon.

But I also don't have the energy to fight it, so I use "I have a reaction to raw tomatoes" or "raw tomatoes irritate my mouth" if I'm questioned when ordering. There is occasionally a follow up "this dish does contain tomato in addition to the diced ones on top, is that okay?" and I just assure them that cooked tomatoes are fine.

For you I think "reaction to" or "make me ill" would be fine if  you aren't comfortable lying.

[misha412]

GRRRR. I would have walked out after speaking with the manager.

My intolerance is for cooked greens (spinach, collards, turnip, etc.) I cannot stand the texture or flavor to the point it makes me gag.

I went to visit relatives where a big mess of cooked dandelion greens was on the table. Most everyone loved them, but I politely passed them up. I didn't make a big deal, just politely said no thank you and passed the bowl to the next person. From the reaction I got, you would think I said something like "Get those "f*****"ing things away from me!!!"

I was questioned why I didn't like collards. I was told I would like them if I tried them. I had two people pressing me to take some and try them. Basically, being treated like a five year old refusing to try something new.

For the record I was 37 and a professional career woman.

[Lynn2000]

I think the waitress was kind of patronizing. I could see someone saying that if the comment took them by surprise and they didn't have time to think their response through, but surely a professional food server hears about all kinds of allergies, intolerances, dislikes, restrictions, and so forth. They ought to have something more appropriate to say in response.

I like to think I would have given her a stony look, maybe said, "No" (in response to "Like a kid!"). And I don't think she would've gotten much of a tip from me. Granted, that probably wouldn't do much good if I didn't explain why, but it might make me feel better. 

For the record, I don't like the way melons taste. On occasion people have gotten after me about not liking melons and I usually just go the "broken record" route--"No thanks, I don't care for melons." "I just don't care for them." I mean, what's the deal? It's more melons for YOU, melon-lover!

[Piratelvr1121]

That would irritate me too.  There aren't many foods I don't like, and there are some I prefer as added flavors but not on their own, like mushrooms, and I do not care for avocado, though I do like guacamole.  Not a problem in Maryland, but in California, restaurants want to put avocado on all the things! 

I also am not crazy about vegetables on their own but if they're cooked and made with a sauce on them, they're fine, or if they're raw and I have a dip available, that's fine too.

[Amava]

What a weird thing to say. So in her world, only kids refuse to eat certain foods they dislike, and adults eat whatever? How utterly strange.

She seems to be lacking a brain to mouth filter, too...(Like a kid ) Really, who says something like that to a customer? I am not at all of the mind that "the customer is always right", but I do think "the customer who makes a respectful request deserves a respectful answer."

However, I do think you would not be lying if you called it "intolerance".
If a food makes you nauseated when you taste it, then you /are/ intolerant of it. Intolerance doesn't have to mean that you break out in hives  or can't breathe. If it is bad enough that it makes you feel sick, it's intolerance in my book.

But I'm not saying you /have/ to call it intolerance. If you don't want to eat something just because you don't want to eat it, that is your right and nobody should be a smart aleck about that.

[Outdoor Girl]

I'd have been annoyed, too.  There are a number of foods that I'm not fond of, for texture reasons.  Grape tomatoes and watermelon are two examples.

What do folks think of, 'The advantage of being an adult is that I'm not forced to eat things I don't care for.  Are there tomatoes in the dish, or not?'

[Slartibartfast]

No, NOT like a kid.  My kid will swear up and down she hates grilled cheese one day and demand fourth helpings the next.  She'll decry "I don't like it!" before she even knows what "it" is.  Having a food aversion is not childish, it's totally normal.

I could never be a judge on one of these cooking shows because I do have several food aversions (cilantro, green peppers, raw tomatoes, raw onions, mushrooms, oysters, horseradish, anything really spicy, etc.) but I don't feel like it makes me childish.  It makes me human.

What are the chances that server likes every food item in the world equally?

[Hmmmmm]

Yes, that was an inappropriate comment.  I think my reaction would have been an " Excuse me, are you implying my preferences are juvenile?"

[Minmom3]

"Wow!  And you want a tip!"

[gen xer]

Ohhhhhhhh I know what you mean and I HATE that!!!!  I have an abhorrence for lettuce and cabbage.  I can tolerate small amounts in certain dishes, prepared certain ways....but for the most part - ugghhhh.  Needless to say that rules out a lot of popular salads!!

I try to politely laugh off the inevitable commentary from various friends and family but I confess I have lost my patience a couple of times with my mom, DH and my gosh-darned MIL.  Mom has actually told me I was "silly" and haven't I grown up yet?  MIL / DH act like they don't know perfectly well that I don't like it and bring it up constantly at family events.  They know....they just like to needle me about it.

You don't like what you don't like.  Other trying to force the issue or belittle you is rude and like you I was raised in a "don't make waves" family but you could have come back with a brief "I am paying good money for a meal and I want to enjoy it."  It's not rude but it puts her in her place so to speak.

[mmswm]

Oy!  The person behaving like a child was the server.  I can't think of a single person who likes every single food item in existence.  I think I would have spoken to the manager and found someplace else to eat.