Author Topic: Those wretched tomatoes! Would this bother you?  (Read 10163 times)

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mmswm

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Re: Those wretched tomatoes! Would this bother you?
« Reply #30 on: December 09, 2012, 09:53:32 PM »
I would have been bothered too. She dismissed your food preferences as trivial while also doing the same to all kids' preferences.

I don't know why people get so bound up in others tastes. It's certainly rude to comment on them.

I think this is the part that bothers me the most about the server's comment.  I had distinct likes and dislikes as a child, and not because I refused to try them, but because I had tried several food items and didn't like them (fish, of all kinds, comes to mind here). I grew up in South Florida with parents that owned a fishing boat and would go out on the ocean several times a month and bring home fish to prepare for meals.  Fish was served a LOT in my house.  I simply did not like it.  Also, one of my sons cannot stand mayonnaise or anything that contains it. He won't eat any sort of picnic type salad, ranch dressing, nothing.  It's a preference that developed before he was 2.  I think it's insulting to kids to dismiss their preferences simply because they're kids.
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mmswm

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Re: Those wretched tomatoes! Would this bother you?
« Reply #31 on: December 09, 2012, 09:56:01 PM »
I'm not saying the OP's dislike for tomatoes isn't real. I believe her.

I'm just saying that the server had a momentary "did I really just say something that dumb?!" moment. I suspect we've all had that at some point. And, yes, sometimes at work.

While this might be true, it doesn't automatically wipe away the consequences of foot-in-mouth moments.  Now, if the server had come back to me and said something to the effect of "I'm so sorry my mouth and brain became disconnected for a moment earlier.  I hope you can forgive me", or got that deer in the headlights look as she realized she said something moronic, then my response might have been different.
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DottyG

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Re: Those wretched tomatoes! Would this bother you?
« Reply #32 on: December 09, 2012, 09:59:31 PM »
Or she may have hoped that just going on and not drawing even more attention was best. Dwelling on it could have made it even worse.

I've had that happen. I just want to melt into the floor. And I don't try to draw more attention to it and make it worse.


mmswm

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Re: Those wretched tomatoes! Would this bother you?
« Reply #33 on: December 09, 2012, 10:06:07 PM »
That's why I gave an allowance for the "deer-in-the-headlights" look. :)
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DottyG

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Re: Those wretched tomatoes! Would this bother you?
« Reply #34 on: December 09, 2012, 10:19:22 PM »
That's why I gave an allowance for the "deer-in-the-headlights" look. :)

That's assuming she wasn't in the moment to the point that it didn't register how stupid it was until a few moments later - even away from the table.

I see what you're saying. It's just that this is a case where someone had a human moment and doesn't have to be villianized.  What she said was wrong. But there is a certain amount of grace that I think we can all allow each other for our stupid moments in life. If not, none of us is safe.

The comment was dumb, but it didn't, ultimately, do lasting damage. It was one if those things that maybe warrants a "that was a weird comment for her to make" and then go on.

My thoughts anyway.


DottyG

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Re: Those wretched tomatoes! Would this bother you?
« Reply #35 on: December 09, 2012, 10:21:06 PM »
I'm not belittling the OP's very valid dislike for a certain food. I just don't see a need for outrage in response to a dumb comment.


sevenday

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Re: Those wretched tomatoes! Would this bother you?
« Reply #36 on: December 09, 2012, 10:27:03 PM »
We all have our own triggers. I would have not been happy with that woman's comment.  I order hamburgers plain because I do not like pickles or raw tomato - or lettuce not in a salad, for that matter.  I have been asked if I really want "nothing" on the burger.  Only once did someone say "you really don't want the tomato? Or the pickle??" with this look on her face like I was STRANGE for not wanting them.  I did let this one pass, because she did see to it that the burger came plain.  I was more bothered by the expression/tone than the actual question.  But in this case, "like a kid" would have rubbed me the wrong way too.  For me it's a personal thing - I have a number of food aversions, mostly due to texture or taste.  My "food menu" was much more limited as a child, and I constantly got told "just try this" "you'll like it" "Eat it or else" by various members of the family, immediate and extended.  SOME foods I have learned to mostly enjoy in small doses (bananas, yogurt, etc) and others, like that marshmallow-fruit-salad concoction someone makes every 4th of July, remain on my "no, not ever" list.  But that was as an adult.  I STILL, as an adult, got comments about how "little" I ate.  I proceeded to spend about five minutes listing everything I do eat - which is rather exhaustive - until the person in question threw up her hands and said "Okay, okay!" 

Point being, I don't like having my food preferences/aversions commented upon, even in a fairly innocuous way as that waitress did.  That would have dropped my tip to the minimum I will give (10%) and I probably would avoid that restaurant/that server in the future. 

MrsJWine

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Re: Those wretched tomatoes! Would this bother you?
« Reply #37 on: December 09, 2012, 10:38:01 PM »
The waitress doesn't get a free pass for saying something stupid, BUT I also think you're not doing yourself any favors by taking it so personally.

If you wait tables for more than five minutes, you know that some things aren't okay to say. However, sometimes, in an effort to be funny, things come out of your mouth that you really, really didn't mean; they just seemed funny before you said them. I can think of two occasions that I did this, and it was so mortifying (I'm sure I did it much more than that, but those are the only two that I actually remember because they were so bad). The first time, the lady luckily thought it was hilarious. The second time, not so much. The group didn't complain about me or anything, but they didn't really laugh, either. It was very awkward.

So, no, she doesn't get out of it any more than I should get out of a speeding ticket because I wasn't paying attention to the speed limit signs. But I think it's really unlikely that she actually thought that you are like a child. Her brain probably bypassed "Insulting!" and went straight for "Funny!"


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Sophia

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Re: Those wretched tomatoes! Would this bother you?
« Reply #38 on: December 09, 2012, 11:03:27 PM »
A "foot in mouth moment" is one thing.

A "you're the dumb one for not doing it MY way" is another.

For the record, I am a picky eater.  MOST (not all, but many) of my aversions are tastes or textures that make me feel mildly sick to my stomach.  I have found out that a couple of other relatives have allergies to the same food - I wonder if I have the very earliest stages of a developing allergie - but due to refusing to EAT the stuff, my lack of contact with what may be a potential allergen is keeping the symptoms from getting worse?  I dunno........
I have suspected that is true of my aversion to cucumbers.  It goes beyond not liking it.
 

DottyG

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Re: Those wretched tomatoes! Would this bother you?
« Reply #39 on: December 09, 2012, 11:30:51 PM »
MrsJWine expressed what I was trying to say better than I - and from a good perspective of a former server herself. I agree with what she said.

I just can't see never going a restaurant again that I enjoyed because of an off-hand, stupid comment from a server (as some here are saying *). Servers could say something that could, maybe, cause that. But, for a place where I loved the food and atmosphere, this just doesn't register as that for me.


* Not saying you might not feel otherwise - this is just my opinion

Bijou

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Re: Those wretched tomatoes! Would this bother you?
« Reply #40 on: December 09, 2012, 11:35:10 PM »
Her remark makes no sense whatsoever.  No one has ever made any such remark to us and we often let the servers know of any changes we need.  We want to enjoy it and are usually paying a pretty price for it.  And the server gets a larger tip for being helpful to us.
For example, my husband always asks for water without ice, no mushrooms and no hot and spicy.  He gets sweet and sour fish without the sauce. 
I ask them to hold the bell peppers and that I want no pink in the middle of my burger.  I don't want buns of any kind on a sandwich (carbs) and would like sliced sourdough or rye bread. 
Assuming she did manage to bring me a tomato-free dish I probably wouldn't have left or reported it, but if no one laughs when you say something 'funny' you kind of get the message.  You also get it if the tip isn't what you expected.
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Iris

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Re: Those wretched tomatoes! Would this bother you?
« Reply #41 on: December 10, 2012, 12:03:42 AM »
OP back again! On the one hand I'm glad to know I'm not insane for thinking she was rude, OTOH I'm a bit nonplussed by people saying I shouldn't be 'outraged' and the like. I'm not outraged, never was, nor had I decided to never go to that restaurant again. I probably won't, but because the food wasn't that great (not awful, just not that great), not because of her remark. I just wanted people's opinions on whether it would have been appropriate to say something.

What a weird thing to say. So in her world, only kids refuse to eat certain foods they dislike, and adults eat whatever? How utterly strange.


This was my thought too, Amava. Only kids have food preferences? What a wacky world she must live in.
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Iris

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Re: Those wretched tomatoes! Would this bother you? Further question #42
« Reply #42 on: December 10, 2012, 12:14:33 AM »
Actually I have a further question about the restaurant in general, it was odd a couple of times;

When we were booking, DH tried to book for 7 and was told that was not possible, to come at 7:15. Yet when we arrived the place was empty except for one table. Also, on their menu they had printed some 'rules' like that there was a 2 hour limit on table usage and to order quickly (I can't remember the other one). Yet, again, the place was never more than half full at any time. The people we were with made some remarks about delusions of grandeur, but we were just amused rather than offended.

I notice on their website that the people running it have recently moved from Mexico so I wondered would this be usual for a restaurant in Mexico or is it just weird?
"Can't do anything with children, can you?" the woman said.

Poirot thought you could, but forebore to say so.

DottyG

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Re: Those wretched tomatoes! Would this bother you?
« Reply #43 on: December 10, 2012, 12:17:26 AM »
Quote
people saying I shouldn't be 'outraged' and the like

I wasn't, necessarily, responding directly to you but to those who did say that they would be that angry or who would leave due to the comment.


ETA: I went back and skimmed the thread. While you (OP) didn't say you were that "outraged", at least 4 people would have walked out and/or never gone back because of it. It was those comments I was addressing.



« Last Edit: December 10, 2012, 12:22:49 AM by DottyG »

Iris

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Re: Those wretched tomatoes! Would this bother you?
« Reply #44 on: December 10, 2012, 12:21:30 AM »
Quote
people saying I shouldn't be 'outraged' and the like

I wasn't, necessarily, responding directly to you but to those who did say that they would be that angry or who would leave due to the comment.

Ah, I see. I get confused sometimes as threads progress, sorry.
"Can't do anything with children, can you?" the woman said.

Poirot thought you could, but forebore to say so.