Those wretched tomatoes! Would this bother you?

[DottyG]

Just noticed this in your last post:

whether it would have been appropriate to say something.

Sure. I think "that's an interesting assumption" would be ok here.

[sparksals]

I am like you about tomatoes.  I cannot eat them alone.  I would never sit down and pop any bit of tomatoe in my mouth.  But I can eat ketchup, tomato sauce, salsa, tomato on a Club sandwich, etc.  Just not alone. 

I think in your case, you made it a bit difficult for yourself.  All you had to ask if there were tomatoes in the dish.  If there were, then ask if it is possible to have them make it without.  That is what I do.  If a salad comes with tomatoes, I pick them out or give them to my husband. 

[CluelessBride]

I am like you about tomatoes.  I cannot eat them alone.  I would never sit down and pop any bit of tomatoe in my mouth.  But I can eat ketchup, tomato sauce, salsa, tomato on a Club sandwich, etc.  Just not alone. 

I think in your case, you made it a bit difficult for yourself.  All you had to ask if there were tomatoes in the dish.  If there were, then ask if it is possible to have them make it without.  That is what I do.  If a salad comes with tomatoes, I pick them out or give them to my husband.

That is what she basically asked - only adding that she noticed many of the other dishes had tomatoes on them (I've noticed this trend - and often they are not listed on the menu). OP only told the waitress she didn't like tomatoes in response to the waitress inquiring if it was an allergy.

 

[cicero]

yes, it would bother me - that server was way out of line and very patronizing.

I have a problem with peppers and tofu - i dont know if i am allergic or not (i never tested it). all i know is that the smell of fresh peppers makes me nauseous and if i eat raw peppers i get very nauseaous. I can eat small amounts of roast peppers ( I jst don't like the taste) and I can eat hot peppers. with tofu - i hate the taste and the texture and it causes me horrible stomach aches.  My strategy - i use words like "intolerant" or "sensitive", not allergic.

(my theory is that we probably *are* in some way allergic and it's our body's way of telling us not to eat it. I'm not saying this is true about everyone and every food - eg., yes, i'd rather eat pizza and ice cream than a nice green salad so that's what my body *needs* but when it's a physical aversion to a handful of ingredients, i think that we should listen to our body)

[Giggity]

What a weird thing to say. So in her world, only kids refuse to eat certain foods they dislike, and adults eat whatever? How utterly strange.

In fairness, *all* the picky eaters I know are kids. And every one of them makes a big production out of being picky. So I can see where the waitress is coming from. I don't agree with her saying it out loud, but she certainly has a right to think it.

[Redsoil]

Eh, I personally wouldn't have a problem with her saying that, given that I'm a picky eater (quite like many kids I've known)!

I don't do tomatoes either.  Except tomato sauce, tomato soup and pasta sauces.  And pizza sauce.  Oh, and bruschetta (strangely enough), but only bruschetta with the tomato cut up extremely fine, in tiny little cubes, with sour cream.

Will not eat tomatoes in salads,on burgers or sandwiches and I pick around them in stews and such things.

[Venus193]

The waitress was out of line.  I would have raised an eyebrow and said "Excuse me?" to let her know that I was Not Amused.  Her tip would have reflected this as well and I might have said something to the manager.

I'm an adult and I'm entitled to not have to eat anything I don't like. 

As for the thought behind the waitress's remark, I have to say that most picky eaters I have known were kids.  Some adults I know say they were picky or cowardly eaters as children.  As annoying as this can be calling attention to it doesn't help any situation.

[cabbageweevil]

I suspect that I’m lucky in that the foods which I dislike, are not of kinds which tend to cause issues in an eating-out situation.

It does come to mind to wonder whether there’s a certain something about waitstaff and, particularly, tomatoes.  Am reminded of an anecdote on another board which I frequent; there was a thread there discussing awkward customer / waitstaff interactions, from the point of view of both. The poster told of being openly ridiculed by a waitress for ordering a clubhouse sandwich with no tomatoes.  As: “What do you mean, no tomatoes ?”  He said that he didn’t like raw tomatoes. Waitress exclaimed loudly (addressing the eating-place’s regulars, but at such a volume that everyone present, could hear): “Can you believe this? He wants a clubhouse without tomatoes !”  She went into the kitchen, from which she could be heard, even louder – “This guy wants a clubhouse, NO  TOMATOES !!”  The poster  recounted how he mumbled something about allergies, and ate in silence.

The above was, for sure, atrociously rude on the waitress’s part.  Concerning the OP’s situation here:  I would (as a paying customer) have felt somewhat offended by the “Oh. Like a kid !” comment; but hope that I might have managed to let it go, taking the charitable line suggested by PPs, that it was a misfired attempt at light-hearted banter.

[elephantschild]

What a weird thing to say. So in her world, only kids refuse to eat certain foods they dislike, and adults eat whatever? How utterly strange.

In fairness, *all* the picky eaters I know are kids. And every one of them makes a big production out of being picky. So I can see where the waitress is coming from. I don't agree with her saying it out loud, but she certainly has a right to think it.

My guess is that you do know some so-called "picky" eaters. They just don't make a production out of it.

The older I get, the more I hate that word, "picky." Yeah, there are foods I just can't abide. I could choke them down, but why? Unless I'm starving, what's the issue with passing up the food I don't like and eating something else? Why is it cause for condescending comments?

[emwithme]

What a weird thing to say. So in her world, only kids refuse to eat certain foods they dislike, and adults eat whatever? How utterly strange.

In fairness, *all* the picky eaters I know are kids. And every one of them makes a big production out of being picky. So I can see where the waitress is coming from. I don't agree with her saying it out loud, but she certainly has a right to think it.

My guess is that you do know some so-called "picky" eaters. They just don't make a production out of it.

The older I get, the more I hate that word, "picky." Yeah, there are foods I just can't abide. I could choke them down, but why? Unless I'm starving, what's the issue with passing up the food I don't like and eating something else? Why is it cause for condescending comments?

Oh, this totally.  I am an adult.  I eat a varied, generally healthy, diet. 

I do not *need* to eat peas (as Lola, from Charlie and Lola says, "They are too round and too green").  I can count the things I don't eat on the fingers of one hand - peas, okra (texture), apple & blackcurrant cordial (gives me a migraine), pork (I have to really be in the mood for it, and that's not often). 

DH doesn't eat fish, mushrooms, cauliflower.  I could live on these.  He could live on pork & peas. 

If an adult says to me that they don't eat "X", then I don't have a problem with that.  They are an adult, and have their reasons for eating the diet they do.  If a child says to me that they don't like something (and I haven't had it confirmed by a parent eg in the case of a niece or nephew I'm looking after), I'll ask them why, and if they say that they've never tried it, that's not good enough and they need to have a taste. 

But for an adult - if I'm cooking, I will ask whether it's an allergy or a preference, so that I know whether to avoid it totally in the meal planning (in one of, say, three side dishes) and/or to know what to plan and how deeply I need to clean my kitchen.

[Emmy]

What a weird thing to say. So in her world, only kids refuse to eat certain foods they dislike, and adults eat whatever? How utterly strange.

In fairness, *all* the picky eaters I know are kids. And every one of them makes a big production out of being picky. So I can see where the waitress is coming from. I don't agree with her saying it out loud, but she certainly has a right to think it.

That's the association I have.  Not all kids do this, but some kids make a big production out of how they 'hate' X food (sometimes without even trying it).  If the waitress said that to me, that would be the association that popped in my mind.  I wouldn't stomp out of the restaurant, I probably wouldn't even complain to management, but I would find that statement a little annoying and that would probably be reflected in a smaller tip.  The OP is buying and paying for a meal and she should be allowed to have it made to her preference without commentary from the waitress.  The OP did not wrinkle up her nose and say 'ewww, tomatoes' or anything else that would be considered childish so the waitresses comment was uncalled for. 

[DistantStar]

One of the advantages to adulthood, in my opinion, is that I can eat what I like and not what I don't.  And I too dislike tomato pieces, though I'm fine with tomato sauces and the like, if they're not too sweet -- ketchup is out of the question.  It's a shame; tomatoes look so yummy, but then I take a bite and...well.  This is one I have tried to learn to like, on my own, but it's just not going to happen.

But I don't make a fuss.  How odd that server would think only kids had food dislikes!

[Bexx27]

What a weird thing to say. So in her world, only kids refuse to eat certain foods they dislike, and adults eat whatever? How utterly strange.

In fairness, *all* the picky eaters I know are kids. And every one of them makes a big production out of being picky. So I can see where the waitress is coming from. I don't agree with her saying it out loud, but she certainly has a right to think it.

This depends on how you define "picky." Is it diet or attitude? If you would only label someone picky for making a big production out of it, then yes, only kids and immature adults are picky eaters. If someone can be picky just by disliking certain foods, then I know several picky adults, myself included. I try not to draw attention to my food aversions, but I will ask for certain ingredients to be left off at a restaurant or avoid certain dishes when eating in someone's home, and I'm often accused (by my dinner companions, never by a server) of being picky for doing so.

[Venus193]

I have learned that the best response to people drawing attention to pickiness is to ignore the showboating remarks.  The other day my friend's son (who is now 14) said "You know my policy on gravy" (He won't eat it) and in a different paragraph.  "I'm not picky.  I am a selective consumer."

Since it's not my cooking that was being rejected I said nothing.  Had I been the cook I would have probably also remained silent and let his mother deal with it.

Asking questions of a waitperson is perfectly acceptable; that waitress's response was inappropriate.

[sparksals]

Eh, I personally wouldn't have a problem with her saying that, given that I'm a picky eater (quite like many kids I've known)!

I don't do tomatoes either.  Except tomato sauce, tomato soup and pasta sauces.  And pizza sauce.  Oh, and bruschetta (strangely enough), but only bruschetta with the tomato cut up extremely fine, in tiny little cubes, with sour cream.

Will not eat tomatoes in salads,on burgers or sandwiches and I pick around them in stews and such things.

One of my favourite foods is Pico de Gallo.  I make a killer batch.   Strange, eh?