Author Topic: Time to Meddle or Time to Ignore? Another Question #7  (Read 3690 times)

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bopper

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Re: Time to Meddle or Time to Ignore? Another Question #7
« Reply #15 on: December 09, 2012, 07:55:13 PM »
If she asks you for advice, you can give her advice if you want to. Because no matter what happens, you are going to be on yoru sisters side.
However, your DH should say what JenJay advised.

Seiryuu

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Re: Time to Meddle or Time to Ignore? Another Question #7
« Reply #16 on: December 09, 2012, 07:58:47 PM »
Don't get involved when it comes to delicate matters of the heart. Involved parties tend to aim AK-47s on the messenger while under emotional distress.

Rusty

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Re: Time to Meddle or Time to Ignore? Another Question #7
« Reply #17 on: December 09, 2012, 08:56:29 PM »
I've seen this sort of thing happen a few times with friends etc., and I can tell you now that DH's relationship with his BF will change.  In every case they have drifted apart, for whatever reason.   As to whether you should say something, well no, its none of your business however well meaning you might be.

VorFemme

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Re: Time to Meddle or Time to Ignore? Another Question #7
« Reply #18 on: December 09, 2012, 09:31:23 PM »
MIL married her BFF's brother.  The friendship with her SIL was never the same......they became "sisters-in-law" - possibly because FIL went into the military and they MOVED a lot while the two sisters stayed closer their mother (VorGuy's paternal grandparents) for the next sixty or so years (well, one sister is still alive, and still lives in the same state - with her second husband).

Whatever happens, happens. 

But your DH might want to work on keeping his friendship with the guy seperate from "potential brother in law" type activities.

My Dad's family has the brothers hanging with the BIL - but they all live within an hour of each other - my parents weren't military - but preachers move a lot, too.  So the ones who lived near each other hung out together - and still do, over fifty years later.
« Last Edit: December 09, 2012, 09:33:36 PM by VorFemme »
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LifeOnPluto

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Re: Time to Meddle or Time to Ignore? Another Question #7
« Reply #19 on: December 09, 2012, 09:53:25 PM »
Aside from the issue of the "soon to be ex boyfriend", I personally think it's rather disrespectful of both the sister and best friend to neglect to tell your DH that they're dating. To me, that's common courtesy.

That said, I don't think you should say anything.

O'Dell

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Re: Time to Meddle or Time to Ignore?
« Reply #20 on: December 09, 2012, 09:57:05 PM »
I have a great relationship with little sister and she is always coming to me for advice and just to talk so her confiding in me wasn't unusual.  It's just unfortunate because this was something that I REALLY didn't need to know and I wish I had been left out of it. 

Actually, I'm glad I talked to you guys because you're all right...I need to ignore what's going on and I need to bean dip if she asks for advice. 

I do have one question that my husband brought up.  Husband is now worried that his friendship might be in danger if little sister and best friend start dating and it ends badly.  Do you guys think there might be a way for husband to say something to little sister like, "Hey...this is my best friend and I don't want to lose my friendship with him if something bad happens between the two of you."

As far as the relationship between LS and her boyfriend and Best frient, I agree with others: let the chips fall where they may. But as for the bolded, I think you should have told little sister that. There's nothing wrong with saying "I wish you hadn't told me that. It puts me in an awkward position." or even "Telling everyone about leaving your boyfriend *before* telling him is bad form and can backfire in so many ways." She comes to you for advice, so give her some and be honest. Sounds like no one else around is willing to tell her this stuff, or even worse, is egging on her bad behavior.

Mind you, if things go badly between her and best friend and there is fallout, it's not all her fault. Best friend is in on all this too.
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Yvaine

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Re: Time to Meddle or Time to Ignore? Another Question #7
« Reply #21 on: December 09, 2012, 10:01:00 PM »
Aside from the issue of the "soon to be ex boyfriend", I personally think it's rather disrespectful of both the sister and best friend to neglect to tell your DH that they're dating. To me, that's common courtesy.

That said, I don't think you should say anything.

They are adults and I don't think this is necessarily disrespectful--especially if they don't quite consider themselves to be dating yet ("pretty much dating" could mean just "we've decided we will date when I've broken up with OtherGuy") and they may be worried about his potential reaction.

Frostblooded

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Re: Time to Meddle or Time to Ignore? Another Question #7
« Reply #22 on: December 09, 2012, 11:10:31 PM »
I wouldn't get involved.

But I sure as heck would be worrying about my best friend and what a terrible choice he's making. If your little sister is doing this to her current boyfriend, why wouldn't she do it to your husbands best friend as well?

You would think the guy would know better.

blarg314

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Re: Time to Meddle or Time to Ignore? Another Question #7
« Reply #23 on: December 10, 2012, 02:34:13 AM »

I will say that Little Sister sounds like a immature little twit. She's waiting to break up with her soon-to-be-ex-boyfriend (STBX) for reasons that are solely to do with her own convenience (she's worried about her finals, not his),  but she still has time to shop for his replacement while she's continuing to live with him, letting him think that things are fine. And she's told her entire extended family and various friends about both the breakup and the replacement.

Seriously - if she's got time to start dating someone new, she's got time to pack up her stuff and move back home first.

In your place, if asked for advice I'd tell her that I felt really sorry for her STBX - she hasn't bothered to tell him she's breaking up with him, and she's already interviewing his replacement, and she's told everyone but him in her life about this.   Other than that, I'd stay out of it, and I wouldn't contact Best Friend or STBX about the issue.

Cosmic justice would have soon-to-be-ex-boyfriends (STBX) finding out about the breakup from a mutual friend who asks him how he's doing since Little Sister dumped him. He comes home, they have a massive fight, and she flunks all her finals due to the fuss.

As far as the best friend thing goes - no, you can't ask her not to date him because it might change the friendship. If Best Friend knows that his new girlfriend is still living with her boyfriend and hasn't broken up with him yet, though, I'd say he's not all that great a catch either, and maybe they deserve each other.

Iris

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Re: Time to Meddle or Time to Ignore? Another Question #7
« Reply #24 on: December 10, 2012, 07:00:20 AM »

I will say that Little Sister sounds like a immature little twit. She's waiting to break up with her soon-to-be-ex-boyfriend (STBX) for reasons that are solely to do with her own convenience (she's worried about her finals, not his),  but she still has time to shop for his replacement while she's continuing to live with him, letting him think that things are fine. And she's told her entire extended family and various friends about both the breakup and the replacement.

Seriously - if she's got time to start dating someone new, she's got time to pack up her stuff and move back home first.

In your place, if asked for advice I'd tell her that I felt really sorry for her STBX - she hasn't bothered to tell him she's breaking up with him, and she's already interviewing his replacement, and she's told everyone but him in her life about this.   Other than that, I'd stay out of it, and I wouldn't contact Best Friend or STBX about the issue.

Cosmic justice would have soon-to-be-ex-boyfriends (STBX) finding out about the breakup from a mutual friend who asks him how he's doing since Little Sister dumped him. He comes home, they have a massive fight, and she flunks all her finals due to the fuss.

As far as the best friend thing goes - no, you can't ask her not to date him because it might change the friendship. If Best Friend knows that his new girlfriend is still living with her boyfriend and hasn't broken up with him yet, though, I'd say he's not all that great a catch either, and maybe they deserve each other.

Pod.
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Poirot thought you could, but forebore to say so.

weeblewobble

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Re: Time to Meddle or Time to Ignore? Another Question #7
« Reply #25 on: December 10, 2012, 07:08:07 AM »
Ignore.  Ignore Ignore Ignore. IGNOOOOOORE!

This is a big old mess.  It will blow up in the whole family's face. (The whole family being way too involved in little sister's love life.)  The best thing you can do is keep your mouth shut, as gratifying as it might be to yell, "I told you so!" when it does blow up.  You don't want them turning on you and focusing on the things you said and venting their frustrations on you.

bloo

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Re: Time to Meddle or Time to Ignore? Another Question #7
« Reply #26 on: December 10, 2012, 03:54:19 PM »

I will say that Little Sister sounds like a immature little twit. She's waiting to break up with her soon-to-be-ex-boyfriend (STBX) for reasons that are solely to do with her own convenience (she's worried about her finals, not his),  but she still has time to shop for his replacement while she's continuing to live with him, letting him think that things are fine. And she's told her entire extended family and various friends about both the breakup and the replacement.

Seriously - if she's got time to start dating someone new, she's got time to pack up her stuff and move back home first.

In your place, if asked for advice I'd tell her that I felt really sorry for her STBX - she hasn't bothered to tell him she's breaking up with him, and she's already interviewing his replacement, and she's told everyone but him in her life about this.   Other than that, I'd stay out of it, and I wouldn't contact Best Friend or STBX about the issue.

Cosmic justice would have soon-to-be-ex-boyfriends (STBX) finding out about the breakup from a mutual friend who asks him how he's doing since Little Sister dumped him. He comes home, they have a massive fight, and she flunks all her finals due to the fuss.

As far as the best friend thing goes - no, you can't ask her not to date him because it might change the friendship. If Best Friend knows that his new girlfriend is still living with her boyfriend and hasn't broken up with him yet, though, I'd say he's not all that great a catch either, and maybe they deserve each other.

Pod.

Pod, doubled.

bah12

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Re: Time to Meddle or Time to Ignore? Another Question #7
« Reply #27 on: December 10, 2012, 04:52:38 PM »
I don't see anything wrong with telling little sister that there are limits to what you want her to confide in you about and where those limits are.  Beyond that, stay out of her relationships.  She can make this mess and clean it up all on her own.

As for your DH saying anything to her about this being his best friend...again, it's not wise.  There's nothing that can be done.  They are adults.  And if his best friend is really so immature that he can lay consequence on your DH if dating his sister doesn't end in "happily ever after", then he's not a great friend to begin with.