S/O outdated cell phone - first letter

[Raintree]

The other thread about the outdated cell phone was discussing the second letter; I want to discuss the first, as it baffles me:

http://www.creators.com/advice/annies-mailbox/forgetfulness-more-likely-than-deceipt.html

I can't for the life of me figure out why the writer would be upset. So Doris ran into "Disgruntled's" son while dining out and neglected to mention it the next time they spoke. Who cares? Why does Disgruntled care? And what did Annie mean by "You are one of those"? That statement struck me as a non-sequitur. One of those what?

And what's wrong with "keeping secrets about other people"? So Doris doesn't repeat gossip. I think that's admirable. I think Disgruntled is likely a Nosy Parker and Doris simply refuses to play her game.

[doodlemor]

I was mystified when I read the letter, too, and had the same thought - who cares if Doris sees her son?  It does sound like little sister is rather nosy.

When Annie said "You are one of those," I think that she meant that the letter writer is one of the good things in Doris' life.  Annie referred to those good things in the previous sentence.  It doesn't make a great deal of sense, though.

I'd like to see what Doris could write to Annie or ehell about her annoying younger sister, who believes that she is entitled to knowing all of the minute details of Doris' life.

[Daquiri40]

I didn't get it either.  The LW's son was out to dinner and her sister saw him.  So what?  Obviously her sister didn't see it as a big deal.  Why did the LW?

I was baffled. 

[CakeBeret]

Add me to the baffled crowd. What does it matter??

[onyonryngs]

Baffled as well.  It sounds like the letter writer is super nosey and must know everything that's going on with everyone.  It's not even interesting gossip.  I can understand being a bit miffed at a sister for being left out of interesting, juicy gossip, but "Your son had dinner" is not interesting gossip.

[staceym]

:raises hand: about being baffled too - now if the son HAD dinner with his aunt, I guess I can understand why the LW might question why no one mentioned it...but to be upset that no one mentioned to the LW about seeing each other in the restaurant?? and why isn't she upset with the son for his not mentioning it?

[Twik]

Is she somehow suspicious the son was with someone he shouldn't have been? Otherwise, I have nothing.

[CakeBeret]

I thought maybe the LW was upset that the sister went to a posh restaurant and didn't tell her. But that still ranks about a -2 on my scale of "things to get upset over".

[O'Dell]

I suspect that this wasn't one instance of Sister not mentioning something like that. Sounds like it's a pattern with her. I've known people that are cagey about this sort of trivial chance encounter. Sure some people forget or don't think it's worth mentioning, but with others it's deliberate. I've always gone with accepting that the person is just like that, and moved on. I think the LW should too is that's what is going on.

[StoutGirl]

I also did not see it as a big deal.  Every now and then, I will see family members or people I know when I am in town or at work, and I don't always tell my parents about it because it is not a big deal, unless the person asks me to tell my parents "hi" for them, then I will.

[kelly_jeanie]

The other thread about the outdated cell phone was discussing the second letter; I want to discuss the first, as it baffles me:

http://www.creators.com/advice/annies-mailbox/forgetfulness-more-likely-than-deceipt.html

I can't for the life of me figure out why the writer would be upset. So Doris ran into "Disgruntled's" son while dining out and neglected to mention it the next time they spoke. Who cares? Why does Disgruntled care? And what did Annie mean by "You are one of those"? That statement struck me as a non-sequitur. One of those what?

And what's wrong with "keeping secrets about other people"? So Doris doesn't repeat gossip. I think that's admirable. I think Disgruntled is likely a Nosy Parker and Doris simply refuses to play her game.

You could suggest she see her doctor for a checkup and also propose that she concentrate on the good things in her life. You are one of those.

I think she means the LW is one of the "good things."

[KaosP]

I think this letter needs to be rewritten:

Dear Annie, I'm a miserable gossip and my much-older sister got to go to a nice restaurant and I didn't. I know this because my son was there and saw her! Why didn't she tell me she was going out for something that was none of my business? And why doesn't she tell me things that other people have told her in confidence?

Sorry, may be just the way I read it. 

The "making up excuses that he was with business associates" thing bothered me, too. Sounds like auntie acted respectfully towards her nephew.

There must be a lot more to the story to make the letter writer so upset. I hope, anyway!

[SamiHami]

Sounds like "disgruntled" is the one that needs a check up-possibly from a counselor-to help her figure out why she thinks she is entitled to know every move or encounter that others in her sphere make. If she considers it that big a deal that Doris didn't mention randomly running into Disgruntled's son, then she clearly has some control issues that should be addressed.

[Miss Unleaded]

I suspect that this wasn't one instance of Sister not mentioning something like that. Sounds like it's a pattern with her. I've known people that are cagey about this sort of trivial chance encounter. Sure some people forget or don't think it's worth mentioning, but with others it's deliberate. I've always gone with accepting that the person is just like that, and moved on. I think the LW should too is that's what is going on.

It's clear that the LW thinks it's a pattern, but I also don't really get the significance of why it's important.  To me it sounds like the sister doesn't want to engage in gossip.

What I found most interesting about the letter:

I know she has kept secrets about other people, and when I'd find out from someone else, she would apologize. But why can't she be open and trustworthy?

In my mind, not divulging secrets IS being trustworthy.

[O'Dell]

I suspect that this wasn't one instance of Sister not mentioning something like that. Sounds like it's a pattern with her. I've known people that are cagey about this sort of trivial chance encounter. Sure some people forget or don't think it's worth mentioning, but with others it's deliberate. I've always gone with accepting that the person is just like that, and moved on. I think the LW should too is that's what is going on.

It's clear that the LW thinks it's a pattern, but I also don't really get the significance of why it's important.  To me it sounds like the sister doesn't want to engage in gossip.

What I found most interesting about the letter:

I know she has kept secrets about other people, and when I'd find out from someone else, she would apologize. But why can't she be open and trustworthy?

In my mind, not divulging secrets IS being trustworthy.

Saying you saw someone isn't gossip. Especially when it's seems so innocent.

I don't know how to describe the sort of person I'm getting the impression sister is. I've only run into a few of them and never anyone I've been close to because I find this trait off-putting. They are people who regularly *hide* things that are trivial and have no need to be hidden. I'm not talking about someone who genuinely doesn't think to or forgets to mention. It's a person who acts as if it's very deliberate on their part not to say something. After awhile it just gets creepy and weird.

This is just a guess on my part that the sister is this way from the LW's description.