This is such an ugly family situation. I will try to keep it down to a reasonable length...
BG: My brother is, and always has been, a devoted family man. It's just who he is. He and his first wife raised two daughters together, "Rene" age 26 and "Kerry" age 22. DB's wife cheated on him and they subsequently divorced earlier this year. She married her boyfriend and my DB met and married another woman recently.
Rene has always had self esteem issues, which I have always found odd because she is, honestly, extremely pretty. She is tall, slender and could easily have been a model. She's been a magnet for guys since she started developing. So, why she chooses losers has always baffled us.
She started secretly dating a man when she was 17. He was quite a lot older and when she married him at 19 she wound up with stepchildren almost her own age. There was a lot of family drama over this relationship, but she ultimately told all of us that if we objected to her relationship we could all go somewhere very hot because she was going to do what she wanted to regardless. Predictably, that marriage was a disaster and they split in less than two years, but not before she had a baby that they could not afford.
DB and his then-wife forgave all and took her and the baby in, allowing them to live in their house for a couple of years while Rene tried to pull herself together. This never did seem to happen, although she did eventually get a pretty good job eventually.
Then she met Harold. Harold seemed to be the man of her dreams. Age appropriate, nice looking, nice family, etc. Turns out that while her mother was cheating on my brother, she was confiding everything in Rene. Rene wanted out of the house because she knew things were going to implode soon and she didn't want be around for it. So, about a year ago, Rene and Harold got married.
Since then, things did indeed implode and things were very stressful in the family for some time. Things have settled out now, but now Rene is the problem. Since her marriage to Harold she has pulled away from the family. Not just pulled away, but started threatening family members, saying if they try to contact her she will have them arrested for harrassment. She has said ugly, horrible, hateful things to my brother and his exwife. She not just left the family, but did so with as much vitriol and hatred as she could. She now hates her sister, both of her parents and apparently my parents (her GPs) as well. I am the only one she has kept any contact with. I don't know why.
Since I am the only one she has contact with, the family has encouraged me to keep it up, so she'll have someone that she keeps in touch with. However, I am honestly getting sick of it. Every time I talk to her she goes out of her way to say nasty, ugly, hurtful things to me about other family members. I've asked her many times why she suddenly hates everyone and she never has an answer-it's always, "Oh, I'll tell you someday." I mean, I can understand being hurt by her parent's divorce, but her sister has never done an unkind thing in her life. Neither have my parents. It makes no sense.
Now she has given birth to another baby. She won't tell me when the baby was born because she doesn't want me to tell other family members. I'm not allowed to have a picture of the baby, because she's afraid that I'll show it to family. I got a little angry and told her-truthfully-that she need not concern herself about that happening, because no one wants to know anything about her or the baby - it's too painful for them, so they'd rather not know. Her response? "That makes me so happy!" Essentially she's turned into a monster Female Dog. Sorry, but it's true.
I think it's got a lot to do with Harold. I don't know if she knows it, but he has quite a police record, including a conviction for assaulting his second wife, as well as several DUI's. He convinced Rene to quit her job and they now live on welfare, in his parents converted garage. His parents evidently enable his bad behavior and I think he's got Rene brainwashed a bit. Still, she's an adult and has to be responsible for her own choices.
I am at the point where I am ready to cut her off myself. I cannot stand her hate-filled nasty comments about people who have done nothing but love her, and who she will undoubtedly turn to for help when this marriage inevitably falls apart. She has done so much damage. I have been working on some spiritual self improvement and am trying very hard to let go of hatred and to be more understanding and sympathetic to those I've considered enemies, but being exposed to her vitriol is making it a challenge. But...she also has two children now and I would hate for them to be entirely cut off from our family.
What thoughts do you have? I can give more detail if necesary, but I wanted to keep this from turning into the longest post ever on ehell. Would you keep up contact? Would you let her go and move on? Would you let her back into your life when her current mariages fails (which I truly think will)?
