To Pollyanna or not to Pollyanna?

[seriously?]

For the last few years,  my daughter, my Sister In Law's 2 kids and my other SIL's 3 kids have done a pollyanna for the cousins only.

I've always been the one to initate it via Facebook or E-mail.  I am not sure how the idea got started initially but I believe it was due to the fact that we didn't want to have to be in a position to gife everybody at Christmas.

At this point, I am almost 100% leaning towards not saying anything or suggesting it or volunteering to coordinate it.  However, what if we are faced with un-expected gifts at Christmas (which we spend at my MIL's and all parties will be attending).

It has really always been a ok here is SPECIFICALLY what so and so wants and makes it kind of stressful, and tbh, my SIL1's kids are never grateful and it's more of a headache. 

What do you think about just kind of "forgetting" about it this year? There is no reason why one of the other moms couldn't have arranged it, but neither of them are very organized.

[Zilla]

What is a Pollyanna?

[LB]

What is a pollyanna? Like drawing names?

You don't have to organize it if you don't want to. And you're free to tell anyone you don't want to participate in one that is organized.

[LB]

However, I don't think it's a bad thing to lay out expectations for Christmas if your family usually does gifts. My cousin and I used to exchange gifts every Christmas until we had kids. Then she called me one day and asked "How about if we only do gifts for the kids now?"

Easy, straightforward.

[seriously?]

Yes, the "kids" draw names and get (ok the parents get) a present for the person they chose.

I'm afraid if I even bring it up I'll be obligated.

[LB]

You don't have to bring it up. If someone mentions it, you can say "We won't be participating this year."

Maybe you can just give them a family gift. Like a gift basket of some goodies or something.

[Zilla]

Yes, the "kids" draw names and get (ok the parents get) a present for the person they chose.

I'm afraid if I even bring it up I'll be obligated.

Not if you say, "I know we normally do Pollyana but this year we aren't participating." Is there history where it's difficult to talk to them?

[CaptainObvious]

What do you think about just kind of "forgetting" about it this year? There is no reason why one of the other moms couldn't have arranged it, but neither of them are very organized.

They may not have mentioned it because they are hoping for the tradition to die out too.

[heartmug]

What do you think about just kind of "forgetting" about it this year? There is no reason why one of the other moms couldn't have arranged it, but neither of them are very organized.

They may not have mentioned it because they are hoping for the tradition to die out too.

POD.  Or they think you like organizing it, or just don't mind doing it since they aren't very organized.  If that is the case, you might have to come right out and ask one of them to do it this year.

[jmarvellous]

Forget it!

I've never heard the term Pollyanna for this, but we do it in my family of 18 first cousins because buying for all would be a tremendous effort. As the eldest, I keep hoping the organizer will "forget" me one year, especially because I long ago passed the age of 'fun to shop for' for the kids in the family.

So I say: Don't bother reminding anyone.

[CrazyDaffodilLady]

A great skill I've learned is how to graciously accept unexpected gifts.  You say "Thank you. How kind of you to think of me", maybe gush a bit, and then shut up.  Few people will mention the lack of reciprocation.  If they do, you smile sweetly and say, "I'm sorry, I didn't realize we were exchanging gifts this year".

It doesn't hurt to keep a stash of generic gifts in the trunk of the car.  Just don't left the recipient see you frantically scribbling their name on the gift.

[Pioneer]

Add me to the "Forget It" Camp . . . as long as the cousins are about the same age.  As one of 14 cousins, my brother and I were among the three youngest.  For nearly two decades, my parents brought gifts for the nieces and nephews, only to see the "tradition" end when the older kids were in high school, but their own children were still toddlers.  (No, I'm not emotionally scarred from the lack of gifts in my childhood, just want to provide a message that there can be some lingering bitterness.)