Hostesses With The Mostest > Entertaining and Hospitality

Telling (crumby) guests what to do

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cicero:

--- Quote from: CakeEater on December 11, 2012, 02:13:37 AM ---Just take a plate over and hand t to them witha cheerful, "Here you are!' I'd be hoping they'd take the hint.

--- End quote ---
or even "please use a plate".  don't pose it as a question, and don't find excuses for them as to why they might not want to use a plate (the whole dishwasher issue). that isn't the point - the point is that you want them to use a plate, period.

it's like asking someone to use a coaster so that you don't get water stains on a wood table.

Dorrie78:
It wouldn't occur to me to use a plate to eat a cracker with a slice of cheese. A napkin, yes, but not a plate. I would pick up the cracker, place the cheese on it and then eat it. I can understand why this guest didn't use a plate and didn't pick up your hint that he should. Either just ask him directly to use a plate, or - my preferred method - just get out the vacuum after he has left and clean up.

FoxPaws:
I have noticed that the further away the food is from the seating, the more likely people are to use a plate and/or napkin. Maybe next time, put the cheese and crackers across the room from the couch or even in the dining room - you can leave off a couple of place settings until just before the meal and put it on one end of the table if you don't have a sideboard.

In all honesty though, I'd probably just let it go and vacuum after they left.

JonGirl:


I just brought a new carpet sweeper. I'd just walk around with that!  >:D

artk2002:

--- Quote from: Elizabeth on December 10, 2012, 11:33:39 PM ---So recently DH and I had a few family members over for dinner. While it was finishing cooking, we put out some cheese, crackers, napkins, and plates in the living room. Our guests proceeded to eat the cheese and crackers while sitting on our couch... without using plates. I was sitting there watching crumbs fall on the floor, under the couch, in the cushions, and I didn't know what to say. It feels presumptuous to tell someone twice my age to use a plate to catch crumbs. At one point I said something along the lines of "don't worry about making more dishes or anything - that's what the dishwasher is for! Feel free to use a plate if you like." The response was something like, "Oh, I'm okay."

Is this expected behavior? Is it okay to get crumbs all over when you're at someone else's house? Or can I say something? And if so, what can I say that doesn't come across as condescending or rude, but makes it clear that I expect a plate to be used?

--- End quote ---

The problem with what you said was that it can be interpreted as "If you're having trouble managing the food, I don't mind if you use a plate." In other words, that them using a plate wouldn't be a trouble to you.  What you wanted to say is "Please use a plate." It's not presumptuous to ask someone to not make a mess, whether they are twice your age or half your age. You're the host, it's your home, you make the rules.

Although not fully PA, you were very passive and got what you asked for. Next time, ask for what you want.

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