Author Topic: Tell? Don't Tell? What Is The Etiquette? AWFUL UPDATE #78  (Read 17612 times)

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atirial

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Re: Tell? Don't Tell? What Is The Etiquette? UPDATE #35
« Reply #60 on: December 12, 2012, 03:42:47 AM »
Another vote for tell her, and Sharnita's wording seemed fine. Caught off-guard or not, he came over to them in an intimidating manner and never explained who the woman was or what he was doing.

Danika

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Re: Tell? Don't Tell? What Is The Etiquette? UPDATE #35
« Reply #61 on: December 12, 2012, 03:44:37 AM »
Another vote for tell her, and Sharnita's wording seemed fine. Caught off-guard or not, he came over to them in an intimidating manner and never explained who the woman was or what he was doing.

I know! I can't get over the guts of that guy!!! I'm interested to know if he's normally a bully. My guess is yes.

Reika

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Re: Tell? Don't Tell? What Is The Etiquette? UPDATE #35
« Reply #62 on: December 12, 2012, 05:39:29 AM »
Perhaps her debt situation wouldn't be so bad if he wasn't spending money on the other woman?

I think it is important to tell her now - she is going to be making big decisions soon and she might make different ones if she knew about her husband.

That's what I was thinking when I read the update.

And I agree, your friend needs to tell her cousin.

Gyburc

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Re: Tell? Don't Tell? What Is The Etiquette? UPDATE #35
« Reply #63 on: December 12, 2012, 06:50:12 AM »
What an awful, sad situation. I agree with the PPs, your friend does need to tell her cousin what happened, and in fact it's more urgent given the financial problems. It's possible that CH is planning to run off and leave her with all the debts.

It won't be a comfortable conversation at all. I feel very sorry for your friend as well, having to give such dreadful news. However, Cousin might already know, or at least suspect, what is going on.

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Nora

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Re: Tell? Don't Tell? What Is The Etiquette? UPDATE #35
« Reply #64 on: December 12, 2012, 07:33:10 AM »
Perhaps her debt situation wouldn't be so bad if he wasn't spending money on the other woman?

I think it is important to tell her now - she is going to be making big decisions soon and she might make different ones if she knew about her husband.

That's what I was thinking when I read the update.

And I agree, your friend needs to tell her cousin.

Give the woman a chance to build a new life that is not stuck to this loser! Tell her before her new life plan (that she has to make anyway because of her job and the debt) is tied up all around him!
Just because someone is offended that does not mean they are in the right.

cookiehappy

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Re: Tell? Don't Tell? What Is The Etiquette? UPDATE #35
« Reply #65 on: December 12, 2012, 08:15:06 AM »
Good morning, everyone.

Later in the afternoon yesterday, I called my friend to encourage her again to tell her cousin NOW.  I told friend to give her cousin the information so she can make a well-thought decision for the rest of her life.  She agreed.  She called me last night as she was driving out to cousin's town to have a talk with her.   I just told her to be ready for any response her cousin gives.  But just know this is the right thing to do.

JenJay

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Re: Tell? Don't Tell? What Is The Etiquette? UPDATE #35, #65
« Reply #66 on: December 12, 2012, 08:22:29 AM »
I can't imagine how hard that chat was for them. I hope to hear it went as well as possible, considering.

lightning

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Re: Tell? Don't Tell? What Is The Etiquette? UPDATE #35, #65
« Reply #67 on: December 12, 2012, 10:01:04 AM »
Website that might help the betrayed cousin--

survivinginfidelity.com

onyonryngs

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Re: Tell? Don't Tell? What Is The Etiquette? UPDATE #35, #65
« Reply #68 on: December 12, 2012, 10:01:41 AM »
I hope it went ok!

Danika

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Re: Tell? Don't Tell? What Is The Etiquette? UPDATE #35, #65
« Reply #69 on: December 12, 2012, 10:41:14 AM »
I'm relieved that Friend planned to talk to Cousin. I hope it went as well as one could expect from a conversation like that.

CharlieBraun

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Re: Tell? Don't Tell? What Is The Etiquette? UPDATE #35, #65
« Reply #70 on: December 12, 2012, 12:08:44 PM »
Thank you for encouraging your friend to tell about the directly observed behaviour.

There will never be a "good" time to deliver news like this, but only a less-bad time.  Now is the right time...so very much is at stake.

I'm sure your friend will be saying to herself "well, I don't want to ruin Cousin's Xmas or life or marriage..."  The answer to that, is that she is not.  The information that she is conveying is neutral.  It is her husband's shady behaviour that is the "ruin" of any of those things. 
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Re: Tell? Don't Tell? What Is The Etiquette? UPDATE #35, #65
« Reply #71 on: December 12, 2012, 12:16:52 PM »
I'm glad she decided to talk to her cousin. And in person. Her poor cousin. But I agree, best to have all the information when making "going forward" type decisions.
"Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind." - Dr. Seuss

Reika

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Re: Tell? Don't Tell? What Is The Etiquette? UPDATE #35, #65
« Reply #72 on: December 12, 2012, 12:32:57 PM »
I'm glad your friend agreed to talk with her cousin. Here's hoping the talk doesn't go badly. *hugs to your friend and her cousin*

RobinJ

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Re: Tell? Don't Tell? What Is The Etiquette? UPDATE #35, #65
« Reply #73 on: December 12, 2012, 01:06:59 PM »
Thank you for encouraging your friend to tell about the directly observed behaviour.

There will never be a "good" time to deliver news like this, but only a less-bad time.  Now is the right time...so very much is at stake.

I'm sure your friend will be saying to herself "well, I don't want to ruin Cousin's Xmas or life or marriage..."  The answer to that, is that she is not.  The information that she is conveying is neutral.  It is her husband's shady behaviour that is the "ruin" of any of those things.

This, right here.  There really never is a 'good' time to hear this type of news.  Best of luck to all.

Petticoats

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Re: Tell? Don't Tell? What Is The Etiquette? UPDATE #35, #65
« Reply #74 on: December 12, 2012, 01:12:08 PM »
I'm glad to hear of your friend's decision, too, and I think it was particularly smart and kind of her to decide to do it in person. I hope it helps cousin rebuild her life without this untrustworthy man.