News: There is a new Ehell Kindness Project!  Check it out in the "Extending the Hand of Kindness" folder or here: http://www.etiquettehell.com/smf/index.php?topic=139832.msg3372084#msg3372084   

  • September 28, 2016, 12:36:01 PM

Login with username, password and session length

« previous next »
Pages: 1 2 3 4 [5] 6 7 8   Go Down

Author Topic: Tell? Don't Tell? What Is The Etiquette? AWFUL UPDATE #78  (Read 27845 times)

0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.

atirial

  • Member
  • Posts: 3136
  • just 'plane mad
    • Tirial & Errror blog
Re: Tell? Don't Tell? What Is The Etiquette? UPDATE #35
« Reply #60 on: December 12, 2012, 02:42:47 AM »
Another vote for tell her, and Sharnita's wording seemed fine. Caught off-guard or not, he came over to them in an intimidating manner and never explained who the woman was or what he was doing.
Logged

Danika

  • Member
  • Posts: 2737
Re: Tell? Don't Tell? What Is The Etiquette? UPDATE #35
« Reply #61 on: December 12, 2012, 02:44:37 AM »
Quote from: atirial on December 12, 2012, 02:42:47 AM
Another vote for tell her, and Sharnita's wording seemed fine. Caught off-guard or not, he came over to them in an intimidating manner and never explained who the woman was or what he was doing.

I know! I can't get over the guts of that guy!!! I'm interested to know if he's normally a bully. My guess is yes.
Logged

Reika

  • Member
  • Posts: 3548
Re: Tell? Don't Tell? What Is The Etiquette? UPDATE #35
« Reply #62 on: December 12, 2012, 04:39:29 AM »
Quote from: wolfie on December 11, 2012, 05:35:29 PM
Perhaps her debt situation wouldn't be so bad if he wasn't spending money on the other woman?

I think it is important to tell her now - she is going to be making big decisions soon and she might make different ones if she knew about her husband.

That's what I was thinking when I read the update.

And I agree, your friend needs to tell her cousin.
Logged

Gyburc

  • Member
  • Posts: 1912
Re: Tell? Don't Tell? What Is The Etiquette? UPDATE #35
« Reply #63 on: December 12, 2012, 05:50:12 AM »
What an awful, sad situation. I agree with the PPs, your friend does need to tell her cousin what happened, and in fact it's more urgent given the financial problems. It's possible that CH is planning to run off and leave her with all the debts.

It won't be a comfortable conversation at all. I feel very sorry for your friend as well, having to give such dreadful news. However, Cousin might already know, or at least suspect, what is going on.

Logged
When you look into the photocopier, the photocopier also looks into you

Nora

  • Member
  • Posts: 3488
Re: Tell? Don't Tell? What Is The Etiquette? UPDATE #35
« Reply #64 on: December 12, 2012, 06:33:10 AM »
Quote from: Reika on December 12, 2012, 04:39:29 AM
Quote from: wolfie on December 11, 2012, 05:35:29 PM
Perhaps her debt situation wouldn't be so bad if he wasn't spending money on the other woman?

I think it is important to tell her now - she is going to be making big decisions soon and she might make different ones if she knew about her husband.

That's what I was thinking when I read the update.

And I agree, your friend needs to tell her cousin.

Give the woman a chance to build a new life that is not stuck to this loser! Tell her before her new life plan (that she has to make anyway because of her job and the debt) is tied up all around him!
Logged
Just because someone is offended that does not mean they are in the right.

cookiehappy

  • Member
  • Posts: 27
Re: Tell? Don't Tell? What Is The Etiquette? UPDATE #35
« Reply #65 on: December 12, 2012, 07:15:06 AM »
Good morning, everyone.

Later in the afternoon yesterday, I called my friend to encourage her again to tell her cousin NOW.  I told friend to give her cousin the information so she can make a well-thought decision for the rest of her life.  She agreed.  She called me last night as she was driving out to cousin's town to have a talk with her.   I just told her to be ready for any response her cousin gives.  But just know this is the right thing to do.
Logged

JenJay

  • I'm a nonconformist who doesn't conform to the prevailing standards of nonconformity.
  • Member
  • Posts: 7559
Re: Tell? Don't Tell? What Is The Etiquette? UPDATE #35, #65
« Reply #66 on: December 12, 2012, 07:22:29 AM »
I can't imagine how hard that chat was for them. I hope to hear it went as well as possible, considering.
Logged

lightning

  • Member
  • Posts: 13
Re: Tell? Don't Tell? What Is The Etiquette? UPDATE #35, #65
« Reply #67 on: December 12, 2012, 09:01:04 AM »
Website that might help the betrayed cousin--

survivinginfidelity.com
Logged

onyonryngs

  • Member
  • Posts: 362
Re: Tell? Don't Tell? What Is The Etiquette? UPDATE #35, #65
« Reply #68 on: December 12, 2012, 09:01:41 AM »
I hope it went ok!
Logged

Danika

  • Member
  • Posts: 2737
Re: Tell? Don't Tell? What Is The Etiquette? UPDATE #35, #65
« Reply #69 on: December 12, 2012, 09:41:14 AM »
I'm relieved that Friend planned to talk to Cousin. I hope it went as well as one could expect from a conversation like that.
Logged

CharlieBraun

  • Member
  • Posts: 723
Re: Tell? Don't Tell? What Is The Etiquette? UPDATE #35, #65
« Reply #70 on: December 12, 2012, 11:08:44 AM »
Thank you for encouraging your friend to tell about the directly observed behaviour.

There will never be a "good" time to deliver news like this, but only a less-bad time.  Now is the right time...so very much is at stake.

I'm sure your friend will be saying to herself "well, I don't want to ruin Cousin's Xmas or life or marriage..."  The answer to that, is that she is not.  The information that she is conveying is neutral.  It is her husband's shady behaviour that is the "ruin" of any of those things. 
Logged
"We ate the pies."

Eeep!

  • Member
  • Posts: 897
Re: Tell? Don't Tell? What Is The Etiquette? UPDATE #35, #65
« Reply #71 on: December 12, 2012, 11:16:52 AM »
I'm glad she decided to talk to her cousin. And in person. Her poor cousin. But I agree, best to have all the information when making "going forward" type decisions.
Logged
"Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind." - Dr. Seuss

Reika

  • Member
  • Posts: 3548
Re: Tell? Don't Tell? What Is The Etiquette? UPDATE #35, #65
« Reply #72 on: December 12, 2012, 11:32:57 AM »
I'm glad your friend agreed to talk with her cousin. Here's hoping the talk doesn't go badly. *hugs to your friend and her cousin*
Logged

RobinJ

  • Member
  • Posts: 508
Re: Tell? Don't Tell? What Is The Etiquette? UPDATE #35, #65
« Reply #73 on: December 12, 2012, 12:06:59 PM »
Quote from: CharlieBraun on December 12, 2012, 11:08:44 AM
Thank you for encouraging your friend to tell about the directly observed behaviour.

There will never be a "good" time to deliver news like this, but only a less-bad time.  Now is the right time...so very much is at stake.

I'm sure your friend will be saying to herself "well, I don't want to ruin Cousin's Xmas or life or marriage..."  The answer to that, is that she is not.  The information that she is conveying is neutral.  It is her husband's shady behaviour that is the "ruin" of any of those things.

This, right here.  There really never is a 'good' time to hear this type of news.  Best of luck to all.
Logged

Petticoats

  • Member
  • Posts: 3494
Re: Tell? Don't Tell? What Is The Etiquette? UPDATE #35, #65
« Reply #74 on: December 12, 2012, 12:12:08 PM »
I'm glad to hear of your friend's decision, too, and I think it was particularly smart and kind of her to decide to do it in person. I hope it helps cousin rebuild her life without this untrustworthy man.
Logged

Sorry, this topic is locked. Only admins and moderators can reply.
Pages: 1 2 3 4 [5] 6 7 8   Go Up
« previous next »