Author Topic: Complete silence contract expired!  (Read 5256 times)

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Biker Granny

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Complete silence contract expired!
« on: December 11, 2012, 09:24:53 AM »
My step father feels he has to comment on what's on everyone's plate. Nothing ever complimentery.
"Wow, that's a lot of saltly, fatty, whatever stuff you have there." "Are you sure you want that much." "Oh I wouldn't eat that."
or.."You continue eating...I didn't have as much as I only ate the healthy stuff."

Most of the time this is in a private home so it's always met with complete silence and more than a few eye rolls.

But.....the silence finally got broken.  Hey I hit 50 this year and found that I don't take as much rudeness than I used to. >:D

We were at a buffet type dinner (we were guests at a Bar Mitzvah) and I brought back desserts from the dessert table.
Before I could do anything...be it share it (which was the intention) or take a bite, he said it a loud voice...."Did you leave any for anyone else? That's too much for one person. I wonder how many calories are on that plate".
(Now this was after all the normal rude comments....just louder than normal. And we were in mixed company, He was drawing stares!)

I put on my deadly calm smile and replied quietly, "What would really be nice is if one could actually be able to enjoy their meal without someone commenting about what's on their plate."

He said with nervous laughter.."oh you can enjoy your meal but I'm going to razz you about it." I again calmly replied..."The two cannot mix."

He finally shut up. We'll find out at Christmas if he really realized how rude he was being.

PastryGoddess

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Re: Complete silence contract expired!
« Reply #1 on: December 11, 2012, 10:29:43 AM »
My what a nice shiny spine you have there !!!

breny

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Re: Complete silence contract expired!
« Reply #2 on: December 11, 2012, 11:53:22 AM »
My uncle tried this with me. I told him, "You mind your plate and I'll mind mine." He never did it again.

O'Dell

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Re: Complete silence contract expired!
« Reply #3 on: December 11, 2012, 12:19:06 PM »
Good for you! I'm betting the bystanders were relieved that you spoke up. I would have been. He was rude not only to you, but to anyone who could hear.
Do I contradict myself? Very well, then I contradict myself, I am large, I contain multitudes.
Walt Whitman

LilacRosey

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Re: Complete silence contract expired!
« Reply #4 on: December 12, 2012, 06:01:39 AM »
I am so impressed I know I would have had trouble being so strong but you did so amazing I can't even imagine good hob!, Lilacrosey

Nora

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Re: Complete silence contract expired!
« Reply #5 on: December 12, 2012, 07:05:38 AM »
I really despise people who feel the need to comment on food others are consuming, and love the tip on how to handle them! I need more ideas!
Just because someone is offended that does not mean they are in the right.

MorgnsGrl

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Re: Complete silence contract expired!
« Reply #6 on: December 12, 2012, 07:18:17 AM »
Good for you! People commenting on what or how much I eat is not only annoying for me, but can trigger eating disordered thoughts and behavior. It's rude, unnecessary, AND can be harmful.

Biker Granny

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Re: Complete silence contract expired!
« Reply #7 on: December 12, 2012, 07:46:17 AM »
If I would have known turning 50 would have found my spine, I would have turned 50 a long time ago!
 >:D
This actually was a breakthrough for me.  I was a timid thing and pretty much let people walk all over me. 

I did feel sorry for my mom a bit tho.  I'm sure she heard about it all the way home.

lowspark

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Re: Complete silence contract expired!
« Reply #8 on: December 12, 2012, 09:20:57 AM »
Good for you!

Silence only works if, well, if it works. I mean, if the "complete silence" response actually changes the offender's future behavior. If everyone is responding with complete silence and the offender keeps on offending, then s/he is interpreting the silence as acceptance or agreement or acquiescence. And at that point, the offended does need to speak up and point out that the behavior is not acceptable.

I hope you will report back after Christmas to let us know if he took your words to heart. Keep in mind that he might need a few more nudges before it sinks in.

BeagleMommy

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Re: Complete silence contract expired!
« Reply #9 on: December 12, 2012, 11:56:32 AM »
Yay for you!  I've had to deal with various renditions of "Are you sure you should be eating that" my entire life.

I've started using "My food choices are not up for discussion".

MissRose

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Re: Complete silence contract expired!
« Reply #10 on: December 12, 2012, 12:58:17 PM »
Too bad my mother doesn't get the hint about commenting on my food choices no matter if I give the silent treatment or let the complete silence contract expire like the OP's situation!