Author Topic: Santa etiquette  (Read 7761 times)

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Deetee

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Re: Santa etiquette
« Reply #15 on: December 11, 2012, 11:39:51 AM »
I know you said "short of not spending Christmas with them" but given all the other stories about your mother and complete interference with the raising of your child, maybe you should start to think about what your life would be like with a little less of your mom in it.

There are plenty of "lies" that parents tell their kids partly because children can only conceive of the world in a limited fashion*.  Unless a parent is telling their kid that cars never hurt people and cleaning supplies are a refreshing alternative to milk, I see no reason for anyone else to get involved ever.

*My 4 year old daughter is firmly convinced that no-one she knows will ever die because she will "hug them and then they will be better"

LeveeWoman

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Re: Santa etiquette
« Reply #16 on: December 11, 2012, 11:45:08 AM »
For me this would be an issue to cut her out of Xhristmas over, and the rezt of the siblings too if needed. Yes you love them but to me the most important thing would be to establish who makes the parenting decisions for the family. This isn't just about  Santa, it is about who gets the final say regarding how your children are raised. If you give her the power to determine this what other power does she assume?

Perhaps if you draw that line she will decide that Santa is not worth sacrificing time with family after all. Or maybe dictating how you run your family is the ultimate thrill for her.

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Airelenaren

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Re: Santa etiquette
« Reply #17 on: December 11, 2012, 11:45:55 AM »
I think it is possible to let your children believe in Santa even though other people tell them he doesn't exist.
Much in the same way that small children will still believe in the monster under their bed even though you tell them monsters don't exist.
For example, you could ask a neighbor or somebody else your child isn't too familiar with to knock at your window dressed up at Santa, so the little one can see him. Seeing something can be very convincing to a child, and leave a stronger impression than any spoken words.

The question is, would it cause problems in your family if your daughter would openly disagree with grandma on this topic, or would it just put a stop to the discussion?

LeveeWoman

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Re: Santa etiquette
« Reply #18 on: December 11, 2012, 11:47:30 AM »
I know you said "short of not spending Christmas with them" but given all the other stories about your mother and complete interference with the raising of your child, maybe you should start to think about what your life would be like with a little less of your mom in it.

There are plenty of "lies" that parents tell their kids partly because children can only conceive of the world in a limited fashion*.  Unless a parent is telling their kid that cars never hurt people and cleaning supplies are a refreshing alternative to milk, I see no reason for anyone else to get involved ever.

*My 4 year old daughter is firmly convinced that no-one she knows will ever die because she will "hug them and then they will be better"

Santa is a red herring. This is about your right to raise your daughter as you see fit.

SiotehCat

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Re: Santa etiquette
« Reply #19 on: December 11, 2012, 11:55:08 AM »
I know you said "short of not spending Christmas with them" but given all the other stories about your mother and complete interference with the raising of your child, maybe you should start to think about what your life would be like with a little less of your mom in it.

There are plenty of "lies" that parents tell their kids partly because children can only conceive of the world in a limited fashion*.  Unless a parent is telling their kid that cars never hurt people and cleaning supplies are a refreshing alternative to milk, I see no reason for anyone else to get involved ever.

*My 4 year old daughter is firmly convinced that no-one she knows will ever die because she will "hug them and then they will be better"

Santa is a red herring. This is about your right to raise your daughter as you see fit.

I don't think its about OP's right to raise her daughter at all. She can still do the Santa thing. She can tell her daughter whatever she wants. She can't expect the rest of the world to play along.

JenJay

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Re: Santa etiquette
« Reply #20 on: December 11, 2012, 11:55:35 AM »
'Mom, Little Knit is our responsibility to raise.  We have chosen to have Santa be a part of our Christmas celebrations.  You do not need to play along but you do have to respect our decision.  This Christmas, if you tell Little Knit there is no Santa, we will seriously have to consider whether or not we will spend any future Christmases with you, until Little Knit no longer believes.  Please do not put us in that position.'

Only if you are willing to follow through, of course.  You'd have the whole year to plan an alternate celebration with your siblings without your mother.

I agree completely. If you aren't willing to implement consequences then, unfortunately, you may as well defer to your mom and skip Santa because she's already told you she intends to ruin it. What's that saying? When people tell you who they are, believe them?  :-\

LeveeWoman

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Re: Santa etiquette
« Reply #21 on: December 11, 2012, 11:58:42 AM »
I know you said "short of not spending Christmas with them" but given all the other stories about your mother and complete interference with the raising of your child, maybe you should start to think about what your life would be like with a little less of your mom in it.

There are plenty of "lies" that parents tell their kids partly because children can only conceive of the world in a limited fashion*.  Unless a parent is telling their kid that cars never hurt people and cleaning supplies are a refreshing alternative to milk, I see no reason for anyone else to get involved ever.

*My 4 year old daughter is firmly convinced that no-one she knows will ever die because she will "hug them and then they will be better"

Santa is a red herring. This is about your right to raise your daughter as you see fit.

I don't think its about OP's right to raise her daughter at all. She can still do the Santa thing. She can tell her daughter whatever she wants. She can't expect the rest of the world to play along.

Maybe you missed this from Knitterly's first post: My mother has flat out told me that she does not want me raising LK to believe in Santa.  That made me angry, as it's not her choice.  She has told me that if we play Santa, she won't play along and will tell LK the truth.[/i]

snip

Her mother will go out of her way to directly contradict Knitterly's decision to raise her child as she sees fit. That goes beyond playing along.

JenJay

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Re: Santa etiquette
« Reply #22 on: December 11, 2012, 11:59:26 AM »
I know you said "short of not spending Christmas with them" but given all the other stories about your mother and complete interference with the raising of your child, maybe you should start to think about what your life would be like with a little less of your mom in it.

There are plenty of "lies" that parents tell their kids partly because children can only conceive of the world in a limited fashion*.  Unless a parent is telling their kid that cars never hurt people and cleaning supplies are a refreshing alternative to milk, I see no reason for anyone else to get involved ever.

*My 4 year old daughter is firmly convinced that no-one she knows will ever die because she will "hug them and then they will be better"

Santa is a red herring. This is about your right to raise your daughter as you see fit.

I don't think its about OP's right to raise her daughter at all. She can still do the Santa thing. She can tell her daughter whatever she wants. She can't expect the rest of the world to play along.

A lot of people have beliefs, practices, traditions, etc. that I don't share. I respect them enough to keep my mouth shut and, well, respect them. I do not make a point of telling their children how wrong the parents are. You can decline participating without actively ruining the event for everyone else. 

Sharnita

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Re: Santa etiquette
« Reply #23 on: December 11, 2012, 12:03:06 PM »
I agree. Mom didn't just say "Leave me out of it". She said she didn't want OP raising her child believing in Santa. That is not up to her.

SiotehCat

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Re: Santa etiquette
« Reply #24 on: December 11, 2012, 12:08:28 PM »
How old is this child that we are talking about?

Are they old enough to ask questions? Talk about Santa? Is this a baby?

mj

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Re: Santa etiquette
« Reply #25 on: December 11, 2012, 12:11:31 PM »
I know you said "short of not spending Christmas with them" but given all the other stories about your mother and complete interference with the raising of your child, maybe you should start to think about what your life would be like with a little less of your mom in it.

There are plenty of "lies" that parents tell their kids partly because children can only conceive of the world in a limited fashion*.  Unless a parent is telling their kid that cars never hurt people and cleaning supplies are a refreshing alternative to milk, I see no reason for anyone else to get involved ever.

*My 4 year old daughter is firmly convinced that no-one she knows will ever die because she will "hug them and then they will be better"

Santa is a red herring. This is about your right to raise your daughter as you see fit.

I don't think its about OP's right to raise her daughter at all. She can still do the Santa thing. She can tell her daughter whatever she wants. She can't expect the rest of the world to play along.

Maybe you missed this from Knitterly's first post: My mother has flat out told me that she does not want me raising LK to believe in Santa.  That made me angry, as it's not her choice.  She has told me that if we play Santa, she won't play along and will tell LK the truth.[/i]

snip

Her mother will go out of her way to directly contradict Knitterly's decision to raise her child as she sees fit. That goes beyond playing along.

I took the OP's explanation to mean that her Mother will not play along in her own home.  Which is her Mothers right as the host.  Her Mother told her upfront that she will not have it in her home.  To me, this is a guest/host situation.  The host told the guest the parameters, it is now up to the guest to accept or decline based on that knowledge.

In this case, I think the guest should decline.  It's not just Mother either, it sounds like the whole family has entire set of different beliefs that directly contradict with the OP's.  Asking all of them to change to suit the OP probably won't go over well.

SPuck

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Re: Santa etiquette
« Reply #26 on: December 11, 2012, 12:13:58 PM »
You are going to get drama either way so you might as well come on top. Grandma is also being grinch here. Other people might not believe in Santa, but it is one thing to here that conversation from a child at school and another to hear Santa isn't real from your own Grandmother. If I were you I would tell her that since she doesn't want to celebrate Christmas your way then you won't be celebrating it with her. I say let her throw a fit, and be angry away from your child if that is what she wants.

Piratelvr1121

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Re: Santa etiquette
« Reply #27 on: December 11, 2012, 12:14:44 PM »
I can completely see your mothers side here. It doesn't seem fair to ask someone to participate in a lie.

I think the only thing you can do is refuse to spend Christmas with them.

IMO, there's a difference between pretending, employing some imagination, and lying.   I know some people do see the Santa thing as lying to their child, but I don't really think it's much different than answering the toy phone a toddler hands you and pretending you're talking to someone. 

While Knitterly's mother has a right to her own opinion, she already raised her children, it's now Knitterly's turn to make decisions about her own child's life and her mother should not have the power to dictate that. 

Or you know, what she said:
Quote
A lot of people have beliefs, practices, traditions, etc. that I don't share. I respect them enough to keep my mouth shut and, well, respect them. I do not make a point of telling their children how wrong the parents are. You can decline participating without actively ruining the event for everyone else.


Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars.  You have a right to be here. Be cheerful, strive to be happy. -Desiderata

CaptainObvious

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Re: Santa etiquette
« Reply #28 on: December 11, 2012, 12:18:33 PM »
Oooh.  That is tough.  How close do you live to your parents? Is there any chance you could possibly decline to go to their place and instead invite your siblings and their families to come to your place after they've visited with your parents? Frankly I would not want to reward your mother's attitude that she will not play along and will go against your wishes when it is your decision to raise li'l Knit as you choose. 

My older two don't believe anymore but I have told them they are to pretend they do for their baby brother's sake, which seems to really bug the middle pirate for some reason.  He came home one day saying "I'll pretend to believe in Santa for PirateBabe if you let me say water comes out of the faucet by magic!"

I looked at him and said "Okay then, it's magic." I don't think he was expecting that answer! LOL! My brother is 8 years my junior and I pretended for him and it actually made the magic last for me even longer as a result.

No chance.  None at all.  It would cause a huge amount of family drama and if the reason were to come out, my siblings would not support me.  As I said, those with children have similarly made the choice not to introduce Santa.

We live fairly close to both sides.  There was already a crazy amount of drama when we said that we had to split Boxing Day with both sides, since both sides were doing christmas celebrations on the same day.  It should never have been drama, since we're the ones driving and each side will get at least 3 hours, but it was.   ::)

With all due respect, there already seems to be a large amount of drama where your Mom is concerned. If you are spending Boxing Day with them, why can't you do Santa at your own home without involving them? And really, I would stop telling my Mom what I had going on, she doesn't need to know every detail of your life.

Sharnita

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Re: Santa etiquette
« Reply #29 on: December 11, 2012, 12:22:39 PM »
It sounds like her mom wpuld relish the chance to day "Those oresents you got yesterday weren't really from Santa, there is no Santa"