Author Topic: "Parenting" kids that aren't yours?  (Read 7344 times)

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kherbert05

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Re: "Parenting" kids that aren't yours?
« Reply #75 on: December 13, 2012, 05:46:01 AM »
I will correct kids that know me without going to their parents. If I went to the parent instead of correcting the parents would think I had lost my mind.

Strangers I treat kids like I treat adults. If you are doing something that is spoiling my enjoyment (Like kicking my chair) I'll speak up. If you are doing something that puts me, mine, or some other innocent in danger - I will speak up. 

Example I ordered a teenager to get back on the proper side of the barricade at the old alligator exhibit at the zoo. He smarted off that his life wasn't my business. I told him I don't care about you - I don't want a poor alligator destroyed because he ate you - after you offered yourself up as a meal. The look on the zoo employees' faces as they tried to keep from cracking up while kicking the family out were priceless. (This was shortly after that girl climbed into a merekat exhibit, was bitten, then the animals were put down because her parents didn't want to force her to get rabies shots).

Loren has caught on to why I raise my voice (not yell but teacher voice) when these things happen at the zoo. Someone usually responds to protect the animals. She started doing it to. Last trip she told a kid to stop tormenting a wild bunny in a very loud voice. This was followed by the standard rabies warning**.

**We have a wild life refuge/former farm. The kids are going through a lets catch the lizards and cool looking bugs phase. We have a strict no alligators (not even babies), no snakes (all 4 poisonous kinds native to Texas have been found on the land) and no mammals (rabies) rule. We don't do the you have to get 13 shots in your belly thing, because that isn't true anymore. We do say mammals can have rabies. If you get bit or touch a sick one, the doctor is going to have to give you medicine including a shot to make sure you don't get sick too.

I don't know who Loren is, but when she is under your care, you can discipline her however you want, but I think you were totally out of line speaking to the boy.
Just wondering if I was clear - he was inside the alligator exhibit trying to tease the alligators- a place completely off limits to visitors.
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kherbert05

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Re: "Parenting" kids that aren't yours?
« Reply #76 on: December 13, 2012, 06:02:47 AM »
I will correct kids that know me without going to their parents. If I went to the parent instead of correcting the parents would think I had lost my mind.

Strangers I treat kids like I treat adults. If you are doing something that is spoiling my enjoyment (Like kicking my chair) I'll speak up. If you are doing something that puts me, mine, or some other innocent in danger - I will speak up. 

Example I ordered a teenager to get back on the proper side of the barricade at the old alligator exhibit at the zoo. He smarted off that his life wasn't my business. I told him I don't care about you - I don't want a poor alligator destroyed because he ate you - after you offered yourself up as a meal. The look on the zoo employees' faces as they tried to keep from cracking up while kicking the family out were priceless. (This was shortly after that girl climbed into a merekat exhibit, was bitten, then the animals were put down because her parents didn't want to force her to get rabies shots).

Loren has caught on to why I raise my voice (not yell but teacher voice) when these things happen at the zoo. Someone usually responds to protect the animals. She started doing it to. Last trip she told a kid to stop tormenting a wild bunny in a very loud voice. This was followed by the standard rabies warning**.

**We have a wild life refuge/former farm. The kids are going through a lets catch the lizards and cool looking bugs phase. We have a strict no alligators (not even babies), no snakes (all 4 poisonous kinds native to Texas have been found on the land) and no mammals (rabies) rule. We don't do the you have to get 13 shots in your belly thing, because that isn't true anymore. We do say mammals can have rabies. If you get bit or touch a sick one, the doctor is going to have to give you medicine including a shot to make sure you don't get sick too.

I don't know who Loren is, but when she is under your care, you can discipline her however you want, but I think you were totally out of line speaking to the boy.

Why was she out of line? He was out of line and nobody was doing anything about it. I can't believe the zoo employees said nothing, but it was a good job that someone did. Actually, I can kind of understand it: when I worked in retail, I wasn't allowed to discipline ill-behaved children, though sometimes I longed to say something to the most egregious cases. But if someone else stepped in, not a parent, I would be giving them a huge mental thumbs up. I get very tired of the idea that allowing kids to run wild and inconvenience others is a 'parenting choice' that has to be 'repected'. It isn't. It is a parenting cop out.
The employees came when they heard me tell him to get back on the correct side of the barricade. They couldn't see him from the main path because of the landscaping. I've always been pleased with the employees. They are great at answering the kids questions, always seem very knowledgeable about all the animals. The management lets them kick out bad seeds pretty quickly. You can tell by the way the employees handle misbehaving visitors. They are also great in handling kids tendency to climb up on the barricades. They ask the kids in a quiet but firm voice to keep their feet on the ground. Areas that have been renovated have better barricades - that are easier to see through if you are smaller child. (The older areas have barricades that kids tend to pull up or climb on because the barricade blocks the view)
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onyonryngs

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Re: "Parenting" kids that aren't yours?
« Reply #77 on: December 13, 2012, 10:04:40 AM »
I will correct kids that know me without going to their parents. If I went to the parent instead of correcting the parents would think I had lost my mind.

Strangers I treat kids like I treat adults. If you are doing something that is spoiling my enjoyment (Like kicking my chair) I'll speak up. If you are doing something that puts me, mine, or some other innocent in danger - I will speak up. 

Example I ordered a teenager to get back on the proper side of the barricade at the old alligator exhibit at the zoo. He smarted off that his life wasn't my business. I told him I don't care about you - I don't want a poor alligator destroyed because he ate you - after you offered yourself up as a meal. The look on the zoo employees' faces as they tried to keep from cracking up while kicking the family out were priceless. (This was shortly after that girl climbed into a merekat exhibit, was bitten, then the animals were put down because her parents didn't want to force her to get rabies shots).

Loren has caught on to why I raise my voice (not yell but teacher voice) when these things happen at the zoo. Someone usually responds to protect the animals. She started doing it to. Last trip she told a kid to stop tormenting a wild bunny in a very loud voice. This was followed by the standard rabies warning**.

**We have a wild life refuge/former farm. The kids are going through a lets catch the lizards and cool looking bugs phase. We have a strict no alligators (not even babies), no snakes (all 4 poisonous kinds native to Texas have been found on the land) and no mammals (rabies) rule. We don't do the you have to get 13 shots in your belly thing, because that isn't true anymore. We do say mammals can have rabies. If you get bit or touch a sick one, the doctor is going to have to give you medicine including a shot to make sure you don't get sick too.

I don't know who Loren is, but when she is under your care, you can discipline her however you want, but I think you were totally out of line speaking to the boy.
Just wondering if I was clear - he was inside the alligator exhibit trying to tease the alligators- a place completely off limits to visitors.

You did the right thing.  What was he thinking?  That's crazy.

bah12

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Re: "Parenting" kids that aren't yours?
« Reply #78 on: December 13, 2012, 11:30:10 AM »
It seems that my use of the word "parenting" has caused a little *ahem* disagreement among a few people. I wasn't really asking about "parenting" a stranger's child as much as how to deal with misbehaving children. I personally don't think basic rules of civilized society are only to be taught to children by their parents - though it is nice when parents make the effort. I would say it falls under the parents job description, but I don't think a stranger is overstepping their bounds by reminding a child when they interact with them.

Of course parenting is for parents - hence the name. ;) But I would suggest that while only parents (or guardians to be PC I guess) can parent (if you define parenting as discipline/control/ethically guide etc.), a child can learn from anyone.

IMHO that is where the idea or perhaps the real spirit of "it takes a village" comes from - a child learns how to get along in the big outside world by going out in it and interacting with the other people they have to share it with. ;D


I understand where you are coming from and agree that children can and should learn from everyone.  But, it may be a small distinction, but it is a distinction.  A stranger is overstepping when  they choose to teach manners to a child that is neither their own (or they are responsibile for) or is not directly interferring/affecting their or their children's lives.

For instance, I would tell a child not to shove on the slide, run out in traffic, not to throw things, or to be careful if they accidently bumb into me.  If it's safety related, or interfering with me and/or my child, then it is my place to say something.  I would treat an adult the same.

But, I would not tell a random child not to pick their nose, chew with their mouth closed, keep their elbows off the table, share their toys, pull up their pants, or stay near their parents in a crowded shopping center....all things that  I would and do tell my own daughter every day.  Just like I don't tell adults not to talk on their cell phones when checking out, not to cut in lines that I'm not in, not to check emails during meetings I'm not running, to wear properly fitting clothes or any of the myriad of behaviors that make me inwardly cringe.

It is not our place to be the manner police and as hard as it may be to watch a parent sit idly by and let their kids grow into the adults we all hate to interact with, it is just as rude (if not more) to insert authority where we have none.

Yet, I do agree that children should learn from those around them. Which is exactly why we, as responsible adults, neet to "lead by example."  I even agree with the "it takes a village" sentiment, but as a parent, I get to decide who that village is.  And it absolutely does not consist of strangers inserting themselves into our lives and  telling my child what to do or not to do (with the exceptions I've mentioned).

Tabby Uprising

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Re: "Parenting" kids that aren't yours?
« Reply #79 on: December 13, 2012, 11:50:33 AM »
I think that's very well said, bah. 

Allyson

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Re: "Parenting" kids that aren't yours?
« Reply #80 on: December 13, 2012, 12:06:35 PM »
Do posters think that we as a society are moving away from the 'village' mindset? Or did it really exist? I hear stories from other cultures that seem a lot more accepting and encouraging of 'everyone can correct a child', but in this culture it does seem we are moving away from that. I suppose like all shifts it's got some good and bad outcomes. I remember casually telling a coworker about a friend of mine who had visited another country where he said social mores were much different, people would think nothing of correcting children. She got actively angry at the idea that someone might do that with *her* kids. Attitudes like that have me shying away from interacting with kids who aren't mine, as I wouldn't want to accidentally offend a parent.


Softly Spoken

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Re: "Parenting" kids that aren't yours?
« Reply #81 on: December 13, 2012, 12:08:58 PM »
It seems that my use of the word "parenting" has caused a little *ahem* disagreement among a few people. I wasn't really asking about "parenting" a stranger's child as much as how to deal with misbehaving children. I personally don't think basic rules of civilized society are only to be taught to children by their parents - though it is nice when parents make the effort. I would say it falls under the parents job description, but I don't think a stranger is overstepping their bounds by reminding a child when they interact with them.

Of course parenting is for parents - hence the name. ;) But I would suggest that while only parents (or guardians to be PC I guess) can parent (if you define parenting as discipline/control/ethically guide etc.), a child can learn from anyone.

IMHO that is where the idea or perhaps the real spirit of "it takes a village" comes from - a child learns how to get along in the big outside world by going out in it and interacting with the other people they have to share it with. ;D


I understand where you are coming from and agree that children can and should learn from everyone.  But, it may be a small distinction, but it is a distinction.  A stranger is overstepping when  they choose to teach manners to a child that is neither their own (or they are responsibile for) or is not directly interferring/affecting their or their children's lives.

For instance, I would tell a child not to shove on the slide, run out in traffic, not to throw things, or to be careful if they accidently bumb into me.  If it's safety related, or interfering with me and/or my child, then it is my place to say something.  I would treat an adult the same.

But, I would not tell a random child not to pick their nose, chew with their mouth closed, keep their elbows off the table, share their toys, pull up their pants, or stay near their parents in a crowded shopping center....all things that  I would and do tell my own daughter every day.  Just like I don't tell adults not to talk on their cell phones when checking out, not to cut in lines that I'm not in, not to check emails during meetings I'm not running, to wear properly fitting clothes or any of the myriad of behaviors that make me inwardly cringe.

It is not our place to be the manner police and as hard as it may be to watch a parent sit idly by and let their kids grow into the adults we all hate to interact with, it is just as rude (if not more) to insert authority where we have none.

Yet, I do agree that children should learn from those around them. Which is exactly why we, as responsible adults, neet to "lead by example."  I even agree with the "it takes a village" sentiment, but as a parent, I get to decide who that village is.  And it absolutely does not consist of strangers inserting themselves into our lives and  telling my child what to do or not to do (with the exceptions I've mentioned).

ITA and I apologize for not making that distinction - it's on me for assuming that this would be common sense and I didn't have to mention it!  ::) When I posted the topic I was not thinking of low-level or "victim-less crime" rudeness like the examples you gave. Obviously none of the bolded things would directly affect anyone else (besides internal annoyance/judgement/being grossed out), and any stranger who commented on such behavior would probably by told to MYOB. If someone else's behavior is intruding on my life, I think the argument can be made that it becomes my business. Proximity matters. A kid being rude next to me is going to hear from me - a kid being rude 10 feet away I will probably ignore unless their shrieking has pierced my headphones.  :P

I think that is one of the ear marks of rude behavior - doing or saying something that negatively affects other people. It is rude to intrude on or inconvenience others.
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bah12

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Re: "Parenting" kids that aren't yours?
« Reply #82 on: December 13, 2012, 12:14:57 PM »
Do posters think that we as a society are moving away from the 'village' mindset? Or did it really exist? I hear stories from other cultures that seem a lot more accepting and encouraging of 'everyone can correct a child', but in this culture it does seem we are moving away from that. I suppose like all shifts it's got some good and bad outcomes. I remember casually telling a coworker about a friend of mine who had visited another country where he said social mores were much different, people would think nothing of correcting children. She got actively angry at the idea that someone might do that with *her* kids. Attitudes like that have me shying away from interacting with kids who aren't mine, as I wouldn't want to accidentally offend a parent.

I think it is a cultural thing.  My family comes from a small village in a European country (where many member still live) where I would say that they are definitely more open to correcting behavior (of everyone) regardless of relationship or circumstance.  And while I'm sure that some areas of the US may be like this too, I think that the faster paced, more crowded, and higher crime rates we have here does play into this.  And also we have many different cultures, parenting styles, etc here in the US, so there isn't a common ground or set of behaviorial standards that we all live by.

I don't interact with children I don't know...or at least I don't initiate contact with them.  Because as a parent, I know that I would be a little wary of a stranger that chose to start talking to my daughter without including me.  Maybe it makes me a little overly paranoid, but the behavior gets my attention and not in a good way.  Also, I just don't think it's polite to correct other people's behavior unless we're in a situation/position where we have the authority to set and enforce the rules. In other cultures that may be acceptable or even expected...but not where I live that I am aware of.

bah12

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Re: "Parenting" kids that aren't yours?
« Reply #83 on: December 13, 2012, 12:20:22 PM »
ITA and I apologize for not making that distinction - it's on me for assuming that this would be common sense and I didn't have to mention it!  ::) When I posted the topic I was not thinking of low-level or "victim-less crime" rudeness like the examples you gave. Obviously none of the bolded things would directly affect anyone else (besides internal annoyance/judgement/being grossed out), and any stranger who commented on such behavior would probably by told to MYOB. If someone else's behavior is intruding on my life, I think the argument can be made that it becomes my business. Proximity matters. A kid being rude next to me is going to hear from me - a kid being rude 10 feet away I will probably ignore unless their shrieking has pierced my headphones.  :P

I think that is one of the ear marks of rude behavior - doing or saying something that negatively affects other people. It is rude to intrude on or inconvenience others.

But being rude in what way?  If the rudeness interferes with you, then yes.  But again, if it doesn't I don't think it matter where they are standing.  Using an adult as an example:  The person in front of me at a checkout line could be chatting away on their phone while checking out.  I find that behavior rude and obnoxious...but I'm not the one checking them out.  It's not my place to correct the behavior even though it's happening right next me.  And children should get that same consideration.   

Bexx27

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Re: "Parenting" kids that aren't yours?
« Reply #84 on: December 13, 2012, 12:34:15 PM »
Do posters think that we as a society are moving away from the 'village' mindset? Or did it really exist? I hear stories from other cultures that seem a lot more accepting and encouraging of 'everyone can correct a child', but in this culture it does seem we are moving away from that. I suppose like all shifts it's got some good and bad outcomes. I remember casually telling a coworker about a friend of mine who had visited another country where he said social mores were much different, people would think nothing of correcting children. She got actively angry at the idea that someone might do that with *her* kids. Attitudes like that have me shying away from interacting with kids who aren't mine, as I wouldn't want to accidentally offend a parent.

It seems to me that inherent in the "village" proverb is the assumption that everyone in the village knows each other. Most of us don't live in this kind of environment. We create "villages" for our children composed of friends, relatives, teachers, etc., and these are the people we trust to help us raise our children. What most of us don't appreciate is unwarranted interference from strangers. Since I don't believe the proverbial village was intended to include nosy strangers, and since I do think children benefit from being "raised" by a network of loved ones and authority figures in addition to their parents, I would say the mindset still applies.
How far you go in life depends on your being tender with the young, compassionate with the aged, sympathetic with the striving and tolerant of the weak and strong. Because someday in life you will have been all of these. -George Washington Carver

turnip

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Re: "Parenting" kids that aren't yours?
« Reply #85 on: December 13, 2012, 01:00:27 PM »
Do posters think that we as a society are moving away from the 'village' mindset? Or did it really exist? I hear stories from other cultures that seem a lot more accepting and encouraging of 'everyone can correct a child', but in this culture it does seem we are moving away from that. I suppose like all shifts it's got some good and bad outcomes. I remember casually telling a coworker about a friend of mine who had visited another country where he said social mores were much different, people would think nothing of correcting children. She got actively angry at the idea that someone might do that with *her* kids. Attitudes like that have me shying away from interacting with kids who aren't mine, as I wouldn't want to accidentally offend a parent.

I'm reminded of a sig. I've seen - "Children don't care what you know unless they know that you care".  I think the 'village' model can work but it can't _just_ be about correcting misbehavior - it also has to be about celebrating accomplishments and offering support and encouragement when called for.    If you have a 'village' that cares about your child and wants the best for them, then that can be a wonderful thing.  If your 'village' is just a bunch of scolds, then they aren't going to get much of a response.

Hmmmmm

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Re: "Parenting" kids that aren't yours?
« Reply #86 on: December 13, 2012, 01:26:44 PM »
Do posters think that we as a society are moving away from the 'village' mindset? Or did it really exist? I hear stories from other cultures that seem a lot more accepting and encouraging of 'everyone can correct a child', but in this culture it does seem we are moving away from that. I suppose like all shifts it's got some good and bad outcomes. I remember casually telling a coworker about a friend of mine who had visited another country where he said social mores were much different, people would think nothing of correcting children. She got actively angry at the idea that someone might do that with *her* kids. Attitudes like that have me shying away from interacting with kids who aren't mine, as I wouldn't want to accidentally offend a parent.

It seems to me that inherent in the "village" proverb is the assumption that everyone in the village knows each other. Most of us don't live in this kind of environment. We create "villages" for our children composed of friends, relatives, teachers, etc., and these are the people we trust to help us raise our children. What most of us don't appreciate is unwarranted interference from strangers. Since I don't believe the proverbial village was intended to include nosy strangers, and since I do think children benefit from being "raised" by a network of loved ones and authority figures in addition to their parents, I would say the mindset still applies.

I agree with Bexx.  I grew up in a smallish town.  While not everyone knew everyone, you did know a very large percentage.  And as a child, adults might be very aware of what family you belonged to whether you knew that adult or not.  So a random lady at church telling me to sit up straighter or a man in a store reminding a 10 year old boy to hold the door open for somoene was pretty common and you didn't really question if they had the authority to. (Well until you became a adolescent and then you made fun of them behing their back to your friends to cover your embarrasement.) 

I also think parents have become more touchy about their parenting ability and any comment made on their child is seen as a personal slight.  I'm a little tired of the full out attitude of "Who are you to say how my child should behave." I can tell you who I am.  I'm the person that is having to put up with your obnoxious child and having my time at a restaurant or other activity ruined or being trapped on a plane with him.  I was not a perfect parent and didn't believe I had perfect children.  A stranger saying to my 8 year old son "I think you forgot to hold the door open for the man approaching." isn't an insult to me.  It's an assumption that I am teaching my son basic social skills and this nice person is helping me to reinforce them. 

Society has etiquette rules for a reason and if the parents don't want to teach the child is going to have a hard time as an adult if no one else ever offers their counsel.   

snowdragon

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Re: "Parenting" kids that aren't yours?
« Reply #87 on: December 13, 2012, 01:51:14 PM »
Do posters think that we as a society are moving away from the 'village' mindset? Or did it really exist? I hear stories from other cultures that seem a lot more accepting and encouraging of 'everyone can correct a child', but in this culture it does seem we are moving away from that. I suppose like all shifts it's got some good and bad outcomes. I remember casually telling a coworker about a friend of mine who had visited another country where he said social mores were much different, people would think nothing of correcting children. She got actively angry at the idea that someone might do that with *her* kids. Attitudes like that have me shying away from interacting with kids who aren't mine, as I wouldn't want to accidentally offend a parent.

 I don't think we ever had it, really. It was a campaign slogan during the first Clinton campaign that was co-opted in ways that were never meant to be.  And the people who used it, used it in ways it was never meant to be - when I worked retail I heard this more times than I care to count for people who left their kids in the toy dept and left ( either the department or the store) and then whined when the kid wasn't there when they got back about how " Why weren't the employees watching - it takes a village dontyaknow?" or the kids who want to participate in X activity and wants the community to pay for a new skate park, football field, band uniform or whatever - it takes a village, but should those self same kids be trespassing or doing damage to public/private property,,,then people get upset at anyone saying anything to the kids.

  Right now this is a big issue in my hometown...the kids and parents want the townsfolk to pay for a skatepark - but scream discrimination when these kids are told to stop blocking traffic with their tricks, stop blocking doorways and driveways to homes and businesses, get off the steps of townhall and not to ride on planters, benches ect because it damages them.  The kids have done so much damage to the benches around the town center and the local nursing home that the benches have been removed from both - so now the kids are trying to skate on the local religious shrine on church grounds.


 It seems that tolerance for it is waning in certain sectors, but it will be a long time before it stops being an issue, I think. I hope it evolves into something more healthy for all sectors of society.

CaptainObvious

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Re: "Parenting" kids that aren't yours?
« Reply #88 on: December 13, 2012, 02:06:14 PM »
Do posters think that we as a society are moving away from the 'village' mindset? Or did it really exist? I hear stories from other cultures that seem a lot more accepting and encouraging of 'everyone can correct a child', but in this culture it does seem we are moving away from that. I suppose like all shifts it's got some good and bad outcomes. I remember casually telling a coworker about a friend of mine who had visited another country where he said social mores were much different, people would think nothing of correcting children. She got actively angry at the idea that someone might do that with *her* kids. Attitudes like that have me shying away from interacting with kids who aren't mine, as I wouldn't want to accidentally offend a parent.

It seems to me that inherent in the "village" proverb is the assumption that everyone in the village knows each other. Most of us don't live in this kind of environment. We create "villages" for our children composed of friends, relatives, teachers, etc., and these are the people we trust to help us raise our children. What most of us don't appreciate is unwarranted interference from strangers. Since I don't believe the proverbial village was intended to include nosy strangers, and since I do think children benefit from being "raised" by a network of loved ones and authority figures in addition to their parents, I would say the mindset still applies.

I agree with Bexx.  I grew up in a smallish town.  While not everyone knew everyone, you did know a very large percentage.  And as a child, adults might be very aware of what family you belonged to whether you knew that adult or not.  So a random lady at church telling me to sit up straighter or a man in a store reminding a 10 year old boy to hold the door open for somoene was pretty common and you didn't really question if they had the authority to. (Well until you became a adolescent and then you made fun of them behing their back to your friends to cover your embarrasement.) 

I also think parents have become more touchy about their parenting ability and any comment made on their child is seen as a personal slight.  I'm a little tired of the full out attitude of "Who are you to say how my child should behave." I can tell you who I am.  I'm the person that is having to put up with your obnoxious child and having my time at a restaurant or other activity ruined or being trapped on a plane with him.  I was not a perfect parent and didn't believe I had perfect children.  A stranger saying to my 8 year old son "I think you forgot to hold the door open for the man approaching." isn't an insult to me.  It's an assumption that I am teaching my son basic social skills and this nice person is helping me to reinforce them. 

Society has etiquette rules for a reason and if the parents don't want to teach the child is going to have a hard time as an adult if no one else ever offers their counsel.   

I also grew up in a smallish town, and there was always a chance that someone who knew my Parents would report back to them if I was up to no good. I also had a very large extended family, and it was well-known that whoever caught you was going to dole out the punishment.

People don't even know their neighbors names these days, families tend to keep to themselves more than they did 30-40 yrs ago. Kids are busy with a lot of extra-curricular activities and are not outside playing in the neighborhood much. More Parents work outside the home and some have long commutes which don't leave them much time. It is just a much different lifestyle than most of us grew up in.

I don't correct kids unless it directly affects me, it isn't my place, and I'm not going to argue with a child or their Parent. And 9 times out of 10 that is what happens.

bah12

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Re: "Parenting" kids that aren't yours?
« Reply #89 on: December 13, 2012, 02:21:15 PM »
Do posters think that we as a society are moving away from the 'village' mindset? Or did it really exist? I hear stories from other cultures that seem a lot more accepting and encouraging of 'everyone can correct a child', but in this culture it does seem we are moving away from that. I suppose like all shifts it's got some good and bad outcomes. I remember casually telling a coworker about a friend of mine who had visited another country where he said social mores were much different, people would think nothing of correcting children. She got actively angry at the idea that someone might do that with *her* kids. Attitudes like that have me shying away from interacting with kids who aren't mine, as I wouldn't want to accidentally offend a parent.

 I don't think we ever had it, really. It was a campaign slogan during the first Clinton campaign that was co-opted in ways that were never meant to be.  And the people who used it, used it in ways it was never meant to be - when I worked retail I heard this more times than I care to count for people who left their kids in the toy dept and left ( either the department or the store) and then whined when the kid wasn't there when they got back about how " Why weren't the employees watching - it takes a village dontyaknow?" or the kids who want to participate in X activity and wants the community to pay for a new skate park, football field, band uniform or whatever - it takes a village, but should those self same kids be trespassing or doing damage to public/private property,,,then people get upset at anyone saying anything to the kids.

  Right now this is a big issue in my hometown...the kids and parents want the townsfolk to pay for a skatepark - but scream discrimination when these kids are told to stop blocking traffic with their tricks, stop blocking doorways and driveways to homes and businesses, get off the steps of townhall and not to ride on planters, benches ect because it damages them.  The kids have done so much damage to the benches around the town center and the local nursing home that the benches have been removed from both - so now the kids are trying to skate on the local religious shrine on church grounds.


 It seems that tolerance for it is waning in certain sectors, but it will be a long time before it stops being an issue, I think. I hope it evolves into something more healthy for all sectors of society.

And it works both ways.  If a general person feels that because "it takes a village" to raise a kid that they can correct any and all behavior, are they then going to take responsibility when the kid doesn't listen?

Like someone said "the village" that helps me raise my child doesn't just correct bad manners and behavior problems.  They also love and encourage her.  They praise and point out good behavior, mentor her, teach her the lessons and then help me reinforce and correct them as necessary.  A stranger pointing out "bad" behavior and correcting my child doesn't do any of that.  They don't appear to be helpful at all.  They look like busy-bodies who feel that it's their right to insert their "power" over a child at any given moment.  And 9  times out of 10, they wouldn't correct these same behaviors in an adult, so it also comes across as disrespectful.

My friend recounted a story to me once where her DS was counting cereal boxes in the grocery store (touching them on the shelves as he counted) and some lady came up to him and said "you shouldn't touch those.  Didn't your parents ever tell you that you shouldn't touch things in stores?"  She was livid.  And I would have been too.  She had no authority in that store or over that child, yet she felt that it was her right to correct him.  I may not have taken it as a personal insult, but at the same time it comes across as some serious boundary crossing to think that she had any right to "parent" him at that moment.