Author Topic: Would you do this? Is it inconsiderate?  (Read 9573 times)

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jaxsue

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Re: Would you do this? Is it inconsiderate?
« Reply #15 on: December 12, 2012, 01:36:51 PM »
Why would you think that it is inconsiderate? Inconsiderate to who?

If anything, she is giving you an chance to see your gift enjoyed.

ITA.

Moray

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Re: Would you do this? Is it inconsiderate?
« Reply #16 on: December 12, 2012, 01:49:45 PM »
Honestly, I'd be flattered.
Utah

dawbs

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Re: Would you do this? Is it inconsiderate?
« Reply #17 on: December 12, 2012, 01:52:01 PM »
I'm in the "I thought this was the point of gifting cookies" camp.

Honestly, that's why I send several batches to my parent's house early--not for them to eat (although they're welcome to) but so they have something to serve at holiday gatherings.

Lynn2000

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Re: Would you do this? Is it inconsiderate?
« Reply #18 on: December 12, 2012, 01:54:33 PM »
Another vote for not rude, but maybe thoughtless. The only minor issue could be that it does have the appearance of "regifting" in front of the person who gave the gift. "I don't want these, here you take them." To spare your feelings, perhaps she should have passed them along to someone else privately so you wouldn't know.

This is the way I look at it, too. I wouldn't be storming out sobbing or anything, but I would kind of wonder if maybe she didn't like them so much. My mom bakes a lot of cookies to give to others, but we don't seem to know many other bakers so our house is not flooded with treats at Christmastime. :( So if we receive a treat and really like it, we keep it and eat it; if we receive a treat and don't like it as much, we'll take it to another holiday gathering (at which the original giver isn't present). Not to say we didn't appreciate the thought and effort of the original giver, but we want to spent our calories on the stuff we like absolutely the best, but don't want to see the rest go to waste--maybe someone else will really like what we didn't.

The thing I find funny about the OP's situation is that since everyone present received cookies from the OP, they're all going to recognize the cookies Becky put out as being from the OP. On the off chance she was trying to pretend she had made them, well, pretty silly plan!
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WillyNilly

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Re: Would you do this? Is it inconsiderate?
« Reply #19 on: December 12, 2012, 01:55:31 PM »
You know, I wonder too, if she was thinking you might be offended if she didn't put out some of your cookies.  Perhaps she was afraid you would think her opinion of your cookies was so low she was embarrassed to put them out, if she hadn't; she might have felt obligated to share them.

Moray

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Re: Would you do this? Is it inconsiderate?
« Reply #20 on: December 12, 2012, 01:58:48 PM »
Another vote for not rude, but maybe thoughtless. The only minor issue could be that it does have the appearance of "regifting" in front of the person who gave the gift. "I don't want these, here you take them." To spare your feelings, perhaps she should have passed them along to someone else privately so you wouldn't know.

This is the way I look at it, too. I wouldn't be storming out sobbing or anything, but I would kind of wonder if maybe she didn't like them so much. My mom bakes a lot of cookies to give to others, but we don't seem to know many other bakers so our house is not flooded with treats at Christmastime. :( So if we receive a treat and really like it, we keep it and eat it; if we receive a treat and don't like it as much, we'll take it to another holiday gathering (at which the original giver isn't present). Not to say we didn't appreciate the thought and effort of the original giver, but we want to spent our calories on the stuff we like absolutely the best, but don't want to see the rest go to waste--maybe someone else will really like what we didn't.

The thing I find funny about the OP's situation is that since everyone present received cookies from the OP, they're all going to recognize the cookies Becky put out as being from the OP. On the off chance she was trying to pretend she had made them, well, pretty silly plan!

You know, if she had sent the cookies home with the attendees, I could see your point. But that's not what happened here. Becky just set them out as part of the "nibbles". Like "Hey, I got these tasty things. Let's eat them!"
Utah

gramma dishes

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Re: Would you do this? Is it inconsiderate?
« Reply #21 on: December 12, 2012, 02:01:54 PM »
You know, since there are a number of neighbors involved in this casual "doorstep" gift exchange it's entirely possible that some of the other treats there were also baked or made by a different neighbor or several of them. 

I wouldn't be offended at all.  I might giggle a bit about the ones that did NOT appear being the obvious family favorites, but I actually think she was just sharing the wealth here with your other neighbors, perhaps not even knowing (for sure at least) than you had also given other neighbors the same cookies.

Danika

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Re: Would you do this? Is it inconsiderate?
« Reply #22 on: December 12, 2012, 02:12:36 PM »
If I bring a bottle of wine with me to a party as a hostess gift and the hostess opens it and shares it with others, I'm fine with it, and happy about it because I think that means she likes it and wants to share. But if I gave someone a bottle of wine as a gift, without a party, and then I arrived at their house a few days later for a party and they were serving that wine, I would interpret it to mean that they didn't like it enough to consume it themselves. So I'd be slightly offended to see it. If they didn't like it or had too much wine already and wanted to get rid of it, I'd prefer they regift it to someone I didn't know so I didn't know about it.

When I bake stuff for my neighbors, I hope it is for their own consumption and for their family and friends. But I already gave the same cookies/treats to all of our other neighbors so 1) the other neighbors know these were from me and already have some at home so they might not be in the mood to eat more of them at someone else's house and 2) I feel embarrassed like this hostess is saying she has too many and/or doesn't like them and is trying to get others to finish the batch for her. It makes me feel like these are the rejects. Especially since the first time, Becky didn't offer any of A and B (the ones that are expensive and more like delicacies) and offered the C D and E types of treats which are more run-of-the-mill. But that first time, I mostly just took it as a compliment because A and B were painstakingly hard to make and used expensive ingredients, so I was glad to know they were truly appreciated.


You know, I wonder too, if she was thinking you might be offended if she didn't put out some of your cookies.  Perhaps she was afraid you would think her opinion of your cookies was so low she was embarrassed to put them out, if she hadn't; she might have felt obligated to share them.

I never considered that at all! Glad you pointed it out.


...I actually think she was just sharing the wealth here with your other neighbors, perhaps not even knowing (for sure at least) than you had also given other neighbors the same cookies.

It's generally the same group of us who give each other things, so she most likely knows who gave what. Plus, only two others and I tend to give edible items - one neighbor always gives fudge and the other always gives graham cracker bars. The rest give candles and house plants.

DottyG

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Re: Would you do this? Is it inconsiderate?
« Reply #23 on: December 12, 2012, 02:22:04 PM »
Quote
But if I gave someone a bottle of wine as a gift, without a party, and then I arrived at their house a few days later for a party and they were serving that wine, I would interpret it to mean that they didn't like it enough to consume it themselves. So I'd be slightly offended to see it.

And that wouldn't offend me at all.  I think it'd be a nice gesture to be serving it - regardless of when it is.


DavidH

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Re: Would you do this? Is it inconsiderate?
« Reply #24 on: December 12, 2012, 02:22:14 PM »
I suppose people have different standards about what they serve.  I usually think that what you put out for guests is what you think is good and something they'd enjoy, not something you need to get rid of since it's notgood enough for you. 

For the cookies, if it were one or two cookies, I can see why you'd be upset, but much as I enjoy cookies, if I were given 50 at one time, I'd like to think I wouldn't eat them all.  It a very generous gift, but one that almost has to be shared.  I think it was more about the quantity and a judgement that they were good enough for guests. 

For the wine example, I wouldn't have thought that serving it at a subsequent party would offend the giver.  Another interpretation is that they thought the wine good enough for company. 

Aeris

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Re: Would you do this? Is it inconsiderate?
« Reply #25 on: December 12, 2012, 02:23:52 PM »
If I bring a bottle of wine with me to a party as a hostess gift and the hostess opens it and shares it with others, I'm fine with it, and happy about it because I think that means she likes it and wants to share. But if I gave someone a bottle of wine as a gift, without a party, and then I arrived at their house a few days later for a party and they were serving that wine, I would interpret it to mean that they didn't like it enough to consume it themselves. So I'd be slightly offended to see it. If they didn't like it or had too much wine already and wanted to get rid of it, I'd prefer they regift it to someone I didn't know so I didn't know about it.

Interesting. If someone gives me a type of wine that I think is meh, I'm going to turn it into sangria or drink it on a night when it's the only wine I have left. I'm definitely not going to serve it at a party. For a party I'm going serve the best stuff I've got. So, if someone gives me a really nice bottle of wine, I'm absolutely serving that at a party I'm hosting soon.

Your assumptions hinge on the idea that other people will keep the best stuff for personal consumption and put out their leftovers, or the things they don't care for for guests to have at a party. A lot of people don't operate that way, and in fact, operate completely opposite to that.

Danika

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Re: Would you do this? Is it inconsiderate?
« Reply #26 on: December 12, 2012, 02:32:11 PM »
If I bring a bottle of wine with me to a party as a hostess gift and the hostess opens it and shares it with others, I'm fine with it, and happy about it because I think that means she likes it and wants to share. But if I gave someone a bottle of wine as a gift, without a party, and then I arrived at their house a few days later for a party and they were serving that wine, I would interpret it to mean that they didn't like it enough to consume it themselves. So I'd be slightly offended to see it. If they didn't like it or had too much wine already and wanted to get rid of it, I'd prefer they regift it to someone I didn't know so I didn't know about it.

Interesting. If someone gives me a type of wine that I think is meh, I'm going to turn it into sangria or drink it on a night when it's the only wine I have left. I'm definitely not going to serve it at a party. For a party I'm going serve the best stuff I've got. So, if someone gives me a really nice bottle of wine, I'm absolutely serving that at a party I'm hosting soon.

Your assumptions hinge on the idea that other people will keep the best stuff for personal consumption and put out their leftovers, or the things they don't care for for guests to have at a party. A lot of people don't operate that way, and in fact, operate completely opposite to that.

I don't think that people would put out poor quality stuff for their guests, but I do tend to assume that if there's something that they like most, they will save it for themselves. For example, DH and I prefer Guinness over Fat Tire, but we really like both beers. And they're both good and worthy beers to serve guests. About 90% of our friends prefer Fat Tire. If I have plenty of Guinness and Fat Tire in the fridge and I know my friends are coming over in a few days, and I'm in the mood for beer, I'll drink the Guinness, knowing that I'll be sharing the Fat Tire when my friends come over.

Hmmmmm

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Re: Would you do this? Is it inconsiderate?
« Reply #27 on: December 12, 2012, 02:33:52 PM »
If I bring a bottle of wine with me to a party as a hostess gift and the hostess opens it and shares it with others, I'm fine with it, and happy about it because I think that means she likes it and wants to share. But if I gave someone a bottle of wine as a gift, without a party, and then I arrived at their house a few days later for a party and they were serving that wine, I would interpret it to mean that they didn't like it enough to consume it themselves. So I'd be slightly offended to see it. If they didn't like it or had too much wine already and wanted to get rid of it, I'd prefer they regift it to someone I didn't know so I didn't know about it.

Interesting. If someone gives me a type of wine that I think is meh, I'm going to turn it into sangria or drink it on a night when it's the only wine I have left. I'm definitely not going to serve it at a party. For a party I'm going serve the best stuff I've got. So, if someone gives me a really nice bottle of wine, I'm absolutely serving that at a party I'm hosting soon.

Your assumptions hinge on the idea that other people will keep the best stuff for personal consumption and put out their leftovers, or the things they don't care for for guests to have at a party. A lot of people don't operate that way, and in fact, operate completely opposite to that.

Aeries, thank you, that is what was bothering me about Danika's post, especially the wine example.  If given a couple of bottles of wine by a friend that I think are great, I'm definately going to serve them to guests.  And if Danika is in attendence at the party, I'm probably going to acknowledge it as a gift from her and give her credit for a great selection.  I wouldn't with the cookies because I'd assume the neighbors already recognized the cookies as hers since others receive them.

Deetee

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Re: Would you do this? Is it inconsiderate?
« Reply #28 on: December 12, 2012, 02:34:48 PM »
If I bring a bottle of wine with me to a party as a hostess gift and the hostess opens it and shares it with others, I'm fine with it, and happy about it because I think that means she likes it and wants to share. But if I gave someone a bottle of wine as a gift, without a party, and then I arrived at their house a few days later for a party and they were serving that wine, I would interpret it to mean that they didn't like it enough to consume it themselves. So I'd be slightly offended to see it. If they didn't like it or had too much wine already and wanted to get rid of it, I'd prefer they regift it to someone I didn't know so I didn't know about it.

Interesting. If someone gives me a type of wine that I think is meh, I'm going to turn it into sangria or drink it on a night when it's the only wine I have left. I'm definitely not going to serve it at a party. For a party I'm going serve the best stuff I've got. So, if someone gives me a really nice bottle of wine, I'm absolutely serving that at a party I'm hosting soon.

Your assumptions hinge on the idea that other people will keep the best stuff for personal consumption and put out their leftovers, or the things they don't care for for guests to have at a party. A lot of people don't operate that way, and in fact, operate completely opposite to that.

Yes, that is exactly what I was going to say. When I have guests over they get better (tastier, more expensive, more thought out) than what I serve myself on a regular basis.

For the wine, I generally have box wine on hand for myself, but buy a nice bottle if I have guests. If someone brings me a bottle that doesn't get opened, I will often save it for guests, not because I don't like it, but precisely because I like to share the best stuff with my honoured guests.
Ditto for the cookies. If I didn't think the cookies were delicious (and it wasn't just a preference thing) I wouldn't let my guests eat them. I would be less inclined to put out someone that is below par.

Judah

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Re: Would you do this? Is it inconsiderate?
« Reply #29 on: December 12, 2012, 02:38:00 PM »
If I bring a bottle of wine with me to a party as a hostess gift and the hostess opens it and shares it with others, I'm fine with it, and happy about it because I think that means she likes it and wants to share. But if I gave someone a bottle of wine as a gift, without a party, and then I arrived at their house a few days later for a party and they were serving that wine, I would interpret it to mean that they didn't like it enough to consume it themselves. So I'd be slightly offended to see it. If they didn't like it or had too much wine already and wanted to get rid of it, I'd prefer they regift it to someone I didn't know so I didn't know about it.

Interesting. If someone gives me a type of wine that I think is meh, I'm going to turn it into sangria or drink it on a night when it's the only wine I have left. I'm definitely not going to serve it at a party. For a party I'm going serve the best stuff I've got. So, if someone gives me a really nice bottle of wine, I'm absolutely serving that at a party I'm hosting soon.

Your assumptions hinge on the idea that other people will keep the best stuff for personal consumption and put out their leftovers, or the things they don't care for for guests to have at a party. A lot of people don't operate that way, and in fact, operate completely opposite to that.

This is it exactly. 
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