Author Topic: Would you do this? Is it inconsiderate?  (Read 10798 times)

0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.

mmswm

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 2412
Re: Would you do this? Is it inconsiderate?
« Reply #45 on: December 12, 2012, 09:20:24 PM »

1-2 cookies a day per person doesn't sound like much.  But if you're getting food treats from at least three people (maybe more - there's relatives, friends and coworkers as well as neighbours), plus the stuff you bake or buy yourself, plus stuff served at holiday parties, or treats shared at work. That could add up to a *lot* of holiday treats to work your way through.

This is one of the major advantages of having teenage boys in the house.  I never have to worry about how I'm going to consume all the treats I get.  Of course, I might have to worry about whether or not I'll actually be able to eat any of them, as cookies and other baked goods disappear from my kitchen at an alarming rate.

Back to the OP: I think it's not rude to offer the cookies. Assuming she doesn't have my problem with the appetites of teenage boys, I think it's a lovely way to share the treats she received.
Some people lift weights.  I lift measures.  It's a far more esoteric workout. - (Quoted from a personal friend)

Onyx_TKD

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 1430
Re: Would you do this? Is it inconsiderate?
« Reply #46 on: December 12, 2012, 10:14:34 PM »
I also don't think it's a slight.  Also, I want to add that for some people (like me!) having 50 cookies in the house is just an invitation to overeat so I always try to get them out of my house as quickly as possible.  It's not a reflection on the giver, but an indication of my lack of self-control.

Another good point I hadn't thought of! I'm glad I started this thread.

I think I made a wide variety of cookies, again, assuming people are like me. I have many allergies, so there are some things I automatically can't eat. And then there are other things I really prefer (chocolate) versus things I don't like much (plain sugar cookies) and so I think that getting one type of thing only, in a small amount, is limiting for the recipient. If I am the recipient. I was thinking of my eating habits, and only mine.

The idea of giving a variety of cookies is kind and thoughtful, but I think if you're going to give so many cookies, then you need to assume that many people will consider them something to be shared. First, because of the many reasons posters here have given for why they share holiday treats, but also because of the sheer number of sweets the recipients may otherwise have.

I have a couple of types of Christmas cookie that I make every year. They are my favorites and a Christmas tradition for me, so although I may or may not make other types of cookie as well, I always make those two. In addition, we always have my mom's fruitcake as well, so that's another dessert. If I received 50 cookies from someone, I would appreciate it, but no matter how wonderful and delicious those cookies were, they could not replace the sentimental value of our core traditional Christmas cookies and fruitcake. So, I would have 50 cookies, plus my two batches and the fruitcake. If one or more other people decided to give me cookies...well, the number of cookies would keep skyrocketing, at a time of year when most people are already eating lots of delicious but fattening food.

If knowing your cookies will be shared instead of consumed just by the family bothers you, for whatever reasons, then I'd suggest cutting back to much smaller numbers of cookies. I think 50 is just too many to expect that they won't be shared. Also, like others have said, sharing cookies with party guests isn't a rejection, and it's not really even giving them away. It's inviting people the host cares about to come enjoy their bounty of sweet treats with them. And it's a way for them to enjoy and use the lovely gift you gave from without overdosing on sugar or regretting that they've ruined their diet.

DottyG

  • Super Hero!
  • ****
  • Posts: 18204
Re: Would you do this? Is it inconsiderate?
« Reply #47 on: December 13, 2012, 12:04:08 AM »
Just as a tangent, I don't get any of these rich treats that everyone else seems to be inundated with every year. :( I always hear that people do, but I don't. Kinda makes me feel bad. :(

Maybe that's something you could consider, actually! Look around and see who's not getting goodies and spread the love around! Instead of giving tons of goodies to one person, give fewer to more people.


Danika

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 1999
  • I'm not speeding. I'm qualifying.
Re: Would you do this? Is it inconsiderate?
« Reply #48 on: December 13, 2012, 04:23:50 AM »
:( Dotty. I would like to send some to you!

jpcher

  • Super Hero!
  • ****
  • Posts: 8767
Re: Would you do this? Is it inconsiderate?
« Reply #49 on: December 13, 2012, 07:08:54 PM »
I agree. That's why I wanted to post here. I think on a small level, I saw what Becky was doing as regifting my gifts to her right in front of me and I was shocked. But now I see that most people would not see it that way and I should have been flattered not hurt. The fact that I thought it was regifting was what made me think she didn't like those cookies, because people only regift things they don't want to keep for themselves. But she must not see it as regifting. She sees it as sharing with friends.

Isn't this site wonderful? I've often posted a concern of mine just to find out that many people think differently. Then the epiphany occurs and I think "Oh. There's other ways of looking at the situation."

Through your follow-up posts, I understand how you might have felt slighted. What you've posted makes sense to me. However, I'm in the boat that Becky did nothing wrong.

IF! On the other hand, Becky claimed that she baked those goodies herself, then this would have been a "Send Becky To E-Hell" thread. I hope you got kudos for the shared gift.

TurtleDove

  • Super Hero!
  • ****
  • Posts: 6284
Re: Would you do this? Is it inconsiderate?
« Reply #50 on: December 13, 2012, 07:41:48 PM »
:( Dotty. I would like to send some to you!
Me too!  Decadent treats are amazing, but they become stress inducing (for me at least) when I get too many!

DottyG

  • Super Hero!
  • ****
  • Posts: 18204
Re: Would you do this? Is it inconsiderate?
« Reply #51 on: December 13, 2012, 08:35:41 PM »
It's probably a good thing that I'm not inundated with them.  I am trying to lose weight, and I suppose I don't need tempting treats around!  But it does kinda strike a little chord in me sometimes when I hear about everyone's having soooooo many parties to go to this time of the year and sooooooo much food they have to try to keep from eating this time of the year.  I'm not an unlikeable person!  At least, not in real life - I can't vouch for here! :D  I have friends and family.   I guess I'm just quiet enough that people don't realize that I'm not partaking in all the same kinds of celebrations they are.  Maybe people don't realize I haven't been invited to all the parties?


veryfluffy

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 2965
Re: Would you do this? Is it inconsiderate?
« Reply #52 on: December 15, 2012, 01:13:55 AM »
I've just read this whole thread and now have an uncontrollable urge to go bake at least five kinds of christmas cookies to give away. Probably gingerbread stars, vanillekipferln, sugar cookies, chocolate pinwheels...what else?

   

DottyG

  • Super Hero!
  • ****
  • Posts: 18204
Re: Would you do this? Is it inconsiderate?
« Reply #53 on: December 15, 2012, 01:53:20 AM »
Snicker doodles


Danika

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 1999
  • I'm not speeding. I'm qualifying.
Re: Would you do this? Is it inconsiderate?
« Reply #54 on: December 15, 2012, 01:59:05 AM »
Photos like the 5 varieties I made that one year.

The ones that Becky didn't share - hopefully, that means she liked them most, because they're a serious pain to make and the ingredients are pricey - were these two:
Baklava
Linzer Tortes

And the others were:
Cathedral Cookies
Chocolate Chip Cookies
Snowman cookies - just dough with flavored extract

Hopefully, I can figure out how to resize these so they're smaller images.
 




LadyR

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 1023
    • Musings of A Pinterest Mom
Re: Would you do this? Is it inconsiderate?
« Reply #55 on: December 15, 2012, 01:27:32 PM »
I love Cathedral cookies, if you were my neighbour those are theo nes I'd be hoarding.


artk2002

  • Super Hero!
  • ****
  • Posts: 13163
    • The Delian's Commonwealth
Re: Would you do this? Is it inconsiderate?
« Reply #56 on: December 18, 2012, 04:09:51 PM »
I think that assigning some sort of negative motivation for someone wanting to share a gift with others is a good way to make yourself very unhappy. I found that trying to parse single actions, out of context, just made me nuts, so I stopped.

Even if they did share the cookies that they didn't like as much, what of it? Nobody likes every kind of every food. That doesn't mean that there's something wrong with the cookies, it just means that there isn't a match. Why get hurt by that? And, as people have pointed out, that's only one of many possible interpretations of what's happened. Without any evidence, other than the cookie census, why feel insulted?

I thought that this was a good summary:

The idea of giving a variety of cookies is kind and thoughtful, but I think if you're going to give so many cookies, then you need to assume that many people will consider them something to be shared. First, because of the many reasons posters here have given for why they share holiday treats, but also because of the sheer number of sweets the recipients may otherwise have.

...

If knowing your cookies will be shared instead of consumed just by the family bothers you, for whatever reasons, then I'd suggest cutting back to much smaller numbers of cookies. I think 50 is just too many to expect that they won't be shared. Also, like others have said, sharing cookies with party guests isn't a rejection, and it's not really even giving them away. It's inviting people the host cares about to come enjoy their bounty of sweet treats with them. And it's a way for them to enjoy and use the lovely gift you gave from without overdosing on sugar or regretting that they've ruined their diet.

The only time I might be concerned is if I saw them dumping the cookies in the trash. Even then, I'd try to find out what was wrong.
Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bow lines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover. -Mark Twain

Sharnita

  • Super Hero!
  • ****
  • Posts: 21673
Re: Would you do this? Is it inconsiderate?
« Reply #57 on: December 18, 2012, 04:24:42 PM »
To me, seeing it served elevates it to "good enough to serve to guests".

artk2002

  • Super Hero!
  • ****
  • Posts: 13163
    • The Delian's Commonwealth
Re: Would you do this? Is it inconsiderate?
« Reply #58 on: December 18, 2012, 04:29:17 PM »
To me, seeing it served elevates it to "good enough to serve to guests".

A much happier interpretation!
Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bow lines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover. -Mark Twain

Katana_Geldar

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 1971
Re: Would you do this? Is it inconsiderate?
« Reply #59 on: December 18, 2012, 05:47:38 PM »
My sister used to work in a donut shop, that meant at the end of the day she'd be bringing jones donuts.

But there got to be too many for us to eat.

So my Dad started giving them away to friends and relatives. When we visited they'd offer donuts.

And after a while (and a nightmare of my Dad's that involved him being attacked by a pink donut) everyone told her to stop.

I know if I was given 50 cookies for Christmas I would share them. There's no way me and FH would eat them all.