Author Topic: Stepping in to do the cooking  (Read 4545 times)

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Mental Magpie

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Re: Stepping in to do the cooking
« Reply #30 on: December 12, 2012, 09:08:35 PM »
I, too, would have been livid.  It took me a long time to figure out why I got so flamingly angry when Eagle would walk over and turn on the light above the stove while I was cooking.  I would often reply, very tightly, "Don't you think if I wanted the light on I would have turned it on by now?"  I finally once said, "What?  Is my cooking without a light not good enough for you?!"  DING DING DING!  That's when I figured out what it was.

I realize he was trying to help, but it wasn't like my hands were full and I couldn't turn on a blasted light, so what was it?  I felt like what I was doing wasn't good enough because when I was younger, I would be trying to do something by myself, maybe for the first time or trying to master something, and my mother would get frustrated that I wasn't doing it "right" or would get impatient with how long it was taking me, so she'd take over and say, "Move, I'll do it."  I would then stand there, her frustratingly doing it without actually showing me what I was supposedly doing wrong, and I would get angry.  Every time Eagle turned on that light, he was telling me I wasn't doing it well enough for him, so I got livid.  Now that I know why it bothers me so much, and now that I have explained it to Eagle, I don't get nearly as angry.

Why all of that?  Just to explain that I completely understand why the OP was livid.
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citadelle

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Re: Stepping in to do the cooking
« Reply #31 on: December 12, 2012, 09:22:42 PM »
Every time Eagle turned on that light, he was telling me I wasn't doing it well enough for him, so I got livid.

Do you think that is what Eagle was trying to communicate, or what you inferred? I would be surprised if he was really trying to tell you that you were not doing it right.

Mental Magpie

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Re: Stepping in to do the cooking
« Reply #32 on: December 12, 2012, 09:53:10 PM »
Every time Eagle turned on that light, he was telling me I wasn't doing it well enough for him, so I got livid.

Do you think that is what Eagle was trying to communicate, or what you inferred? I would be surprised if he was really trying to tell you that you were not doing it right.

Oh, no, no, no, that was totally what I inferred, and why I inferred it that way was what I explained right before it.  Sorry I wasn't clear.
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LifeOnPluto

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Re: Stepping in to do the cooking
« Reply #33 on: December 12, 2012, 09:56:08 PM »
I would be annoyed, and slightly upset too. By adding the mushrooms without asking you, he was basically saying "What you've cooked isn't quite good enough for me. Therefore, I shall improve it."

Mental Magpie

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Re: Stepping in to do the cooking
« Reply #34 on: December 12, 2012, 10:05:41 PM »
I would be annoyed, and slightly upset too. By adding the mushrooms without asking you, he was basically saying "What you've cooked isn't quite good enough for me. Therefore, I shall improve it."

I would definitely still see it that way and that is how I read the OP as well.

Eagle has learned to ask and/or request so that I don't take it as a slight and he can still possibly get what he wants.
The problem with choosing the lesser of two evils is that you're still choosing evil.

dharmaexpress

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Re: Stepping in to do the cooking
« Reply #35 on: December 12, 2012, 10:11:24 PM »
He put chopped raw mushrooms in a finished risotto?  Divorce time.  I'm kidding.   :)

I wouldn't be super angry about it, I guess, but everyone I cook for knows to not bother me when I'm making risotto and not to interfere.  I'd be perplexed and annoyed, and I'd like to say he was rude, but it was probably just thoughtless.

I can't get over raw mushrooms in risotto.  I have to lie down now.  If you tell me they were canned, I'm going to start drinking.

DottyG

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Re: Stepping in to do the cooking
« Reply #36 on: December 12, 2012, 10:37:43 PM »
I would be annoyed, and slightly upset too. By adding the mushrooms without asking you, he was basically saying "What you've cooked isn't quite good enough for me. Therefore, I shall improve it."

I think I just am not seeing that at all in what happened. I understand that some are - and that it sounds like "past baggage" is causing the extreme reaction for some. But I'm not seeing the above myself.


Mental Magpie

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Re: Stepping in to do the cooking
« Reply #37 on: December 12, 2012, 10:53:12 PM »
I would be annoyed, and slightly upset too. By adding the mushrooms without asking you, he was basically saying "What you've cooked isn't quite good enough for me. Therefore, I shall improve it."

I think I just am not seeing that at all in what happened. I understand that some are - and that it sounds like "past baggage" is causing the extreme reaction for some. But I'm not seeing the above myself.

By "for some" I imagine you mean me, and yes, past baggage does play a part.  On the other hand, without asking if that's what OP wanted, no past baggage needs to be involved in understanding why it would seem like what OP was doing wasn't good enough.

There's that old story about how an employer takes two potential employees out to dinner.  Both employees have the exact same qualifications, but the employer hires the one who eats the steak then decides to add pepper instead of the one who automatically adds pepper before even tasting the stake.  The first employee took stock of what was before him, tried it, then decided to change it to better suit him.  The second employee automatically assumed the steak wasn't good enough and decided to change it himself before even giving it a chance.
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DottyG

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Re: Stepping in to do the cooking
« Reply #38 on: December 12, 2012, 11:45:21 PM »
MM, I do understand your point. I do. I'm just not seeing this as the same thing. Not in the way I'm reading the OP's story.

Like I said, I'm understanding that others see it differently.

Edited to fix a weird autocorrect


mrs_deb

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Re: Stepping in to do the cooking
« Reply #39 on: December 13, 2012, 12:16:31 AM »
An ex asked me to make him a sandwich once - if I remember correctly he had a broken collarbone or something debilitating like that - but he followed me into the kitchen and complained and instructed while I worked.  Why are you using that knife?  Use this knife instead.  Can't you cut the chicken thinner?  Is that all the mayonnaise you're going to use?  What, no lettuce?

Finally I threw down the sandwich makings and said, "Do it yourself" and marched out of the kitchen.

So yah, DottyG, baggage could play a part  :P.

The proper question in my opinion is, "May I help?" and if the cook says no, go sit down and read a book and wait for dinner to be served.

Miss Unleaded

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Re: Stepping in to do the cooking
« Reply #40 on: December 13, 2012, 12:51:29 AM »
He put chopped raw mushrooms in a finished risotto?  Divorce time.  I'm kidding.   :)

I wouldn't be super angry about it, I guess, but everyone I cook for knows to not bother me when I'm making risotto and not to interfere.  I'd be perplexed and annoyed, and I'd like to say he was rude, but it was probably just thoughtless.

I can't get over raw mushrooms in risotto.  I have to lie down now.  If you tell me they were canned, I'm going to start drinking.

That was the bit that jumped out for me as well.  Op I can understand why you became annoyed with this.  I would be as well.  I think it's time for a calm discussion with your husband about why he thought it was cool to fiddle with your cooking when it was clearly under control.

MizA

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Re: Stepping in to do the cooking
« Reply #41 on: December 13, 2012, 01:17:08 AM »
I think I'd probably lose it if this happened.

After passing out seeing my partner doing anything resembling cooking, that is.

Seriously, though.  Cooking can be meditative, and if it's something one takes pride in, having one's dish doctored can be a really aggravating experience.  Through the action, if can feel as though the food-sullier is saying "You're doing it wrong".

And raw mushrooms in finished risotto?  It makes me weep a little.
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camlan

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Re: Stepping in to do the cooking
« Reply #42 on: December 13, 2012, 08:46:27 AM »
I would be annoyed, and slightly upset too. By adding the mushrooms without asking you, he was basically saying "What you've cooked isn't quite good enough for me. Therefore, I shall improve it."

That's what I was trying to say. You said it so much better.

And yeah, ick, raw mushrooms in the risotto.
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CrochetFanatic

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Re: Stepping in to do the cooking
« Reply #43 on: December 13, 2012, 08:59:21 AM »
You can be livid without blowing up, and depending on how emotionally invested a person is in doing it themselves, livid might not be an overreaction IMO.  Someone who's tired, proud of their accomplishment (or wanting to be proud of it when it's done), wants to do it themselves...If someone steps in when they're not looking and takes over, then the finished product is no longer "theirs" in a sense.

I think the husband was a bit rude, but not horribly so.  It might have just been a misunderstanding.  Whether getting this upset is reasonable or not, we're all human.

onyonryngs

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Re: Stepping in to do the cooking
« Reply #44 on: December 13, 2012, 10:02:53 AM »
I would be annoyed, and slightly upset too. By adding the mushrooms without asking you, he was basically saying "What you've cooked isn't quite good enough for me. Therefore, I shall improve it."

That's what I was trying to say. You said it so much better.

And yeah, ick, raw mushrooms in the risotto.

The thing is, they're married.  If that's what she inferred from the comment and it bothers her, why not actually talk to her husband and find out if it was a misunderstanding or he just thought her risotto wasn't good enough.  It does her no good to vent to us about this and get our opinion on his motivations when we don't even know the guy and she's right there, has a relationship with him, and can just ask him.  This is why I think "livid" is an overreaction, because it's based on an assumption and she can get clarification in all of 5 seconds.