Author Topic: Is there a rude "thank you"?  (Read 2056 times)

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AlansGirl

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Re: Is there a rude "thank you"?
« Reply #15 on: December 13, 2012, 12:21:42 AM »
In these specific circumstances, they were terribly rude.  I could understand giving negative feedback if, for example, my boss had spent $$$$ on what he thought were high-quality symphony seats or a meal at a high-end restaurant, and the experience turned out to be anything but - because he paid for something he didn't receive, even if I was the recipient.  However, it would need to be worded in the polite context of 'I don't think that's what you paid for' rather than 'Gee your gift sucked', if you know what I'm trying to say.  Like I would never want to seem ungrateful, but in certain circumstances I'd like people to know their money wasn't spent in the way they intended.

bopper

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Re: Is there a rude "thank you"?
« Reply #16 on: December 13, 2012, 11:54:54 AM »
To them: "I am sorry you didn't enjoy yourself."
To yourself: "Never again."

Yvaine

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Re: Is there a rude "thank you"?
« Reply #17 on: December 13, 2012, 11:58:34 AM »
In these specific circumstances, they were terribly rude.  I could understand giving negative feedback if, for example, my boss had spent $$$$ on what he thought were high-quality symphony seats or a meal at a high-end restaurant, and the experience turned out to be anything but - because he paid for something he didn't receive, even if I was the recipient.  However, it would need to be worded in the polite context of 'I don't think that's what you paid for' rather than 'Gee your gift sucked', if you know what I'm trying to say.  Like I would never want to seem ungrateful, but in certain circumstances I'd like people to know their money wasn't spent in the way they intended.

Yeah, this. I could see circumstances where this was a useful bit of info.

WonderWoman

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Re: Is there a rude "thank you"?
« Reply #18 on: December 13, 2012, 12:03:02 PM »
Wow. That takes some nerve. I wouldn't respond to his thank you/complaint message. And I also would never ever offer him another thing.

If I had received something like that, I would consider it a gift. And you don't complain about a gift to the giver!!

Winterlight

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Re: Is there a rude "thank you"?
« Reply #19 on: December 13, 2012, 12:26:02 PM »
In these specific circumstances, they were terribly rude.  I could understand giving negative feedback if, for example, my boss had spent $$$$ on what he thought were high-quality symphony seats or a meal at a high-end restaurant, and the experience turned out to be anything but - because he paid for something he didn't receive, even if I was the recipient.  However, it would need to be worded in the polite context of 'I don't think that's what you paid for' rather than 'Gee your gift sucked', if you know what I'm trying to say.  Like I would never want to seem ungrateful, but in certain circumstances I'd like people to know their money wasn't spent in the way they intended.

Agreed.

And yes, for this case uncle was both rude and silly for not telling them there was a mix up in the first place.
If wisdomís ways you wisely seek,
Five things observe with care,
To whom you speak,
Of whom you speak,
And how, and when, and where.
Caroline Lake Ingalls

cabbageweevil

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Re: Is there a rude "thank you"?
« Reply #20 on: December 13, 2012, 12:39:03 PM »
To them: "I am sorry you didn't enjoy yourself."
To yourself: "Never again."

In the "evil, not-to-be-enacted, but tempting" department, there'd come to mind for me the tale of the fake Rolex watch, sold at a dodgy venue famous for such transactions, to a naive tourist, who subsequently complained about the poor quality of the item. The seller's rejoinder -- "What did you expect for a quarter of the price; the real thing?" -- might be paraphrased re an ungracious response to something given away genuinely and in good faith. Of course, not eHell approved and not to be done in real life -- for which, I feel that bopper's script is perfect.

Kaypeep

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Re: Is there a rude "thank you"?
« Reply #21 on: December 13, 2012, 01:12:52 PM »
Well, I emailed my uncle to voice my displeasure over the whole experience, and asked him to never ask me for a favor again.  He called my cell phone and left a voicemail saying he got the email and wanted to talk and discuss the situation and rectify the problems I discussed in my email.  I emailed him back that I'd call him next week as I'm busy with work and after-work events this week.

There's additional background to the whole scenario. Uncle asked me to get him these tix months ago, either for free or at cost.  I work for a non profit and this concert was a fundraiser so I said I would try, but that I couldn't get an answer for him until the show was near, as I'd only be able to get free or at-cost tix if any were leftover from the sale of the concert.  A month before the show he asked if I could get 6 MORE tickets for his wife's family.  I balked at this request (privately) but told him it wasn't possible.  IF any tix were available to staff, the policy is only 2 per staff person, so i can't get more than that.  He then emailed back twice asking for alternative ways or possible solutions to get him the extra 6.  I explained in detail why it wasn't possible.  I don't know if he was dense or desperate but he then called me at home to ask AGAIN about the chance of getting 6 more tix and I reiterated "No".  As the show loomed close and it almost sold out I emailed with the offer that "at-cost" tix were available if he wanted a guaranteed seat and gave him the price.  He must have choked ($700) because he said he'd pass and hold out for the chance for free tix.  Lucky him, he got the free tix in the long run after all.

What bothered me about the request for extra tix (besides it's unreasonableness) is that his wife is a witch and has acted very shabbily towards my family.  This is my only uncle, my godfather.  For over a decade while he was married to wife #3 he was estranged from his own children and grandchildren and relied on  my family (his sister and nieces and nephews) as surrogates for over a decade.  After the divorce and reconciliation with his kids and marriage to wife 4, we are now second class citizens and left out of anything planned by wife 4, and he DOES NOT EVEN TRY to fight for us and have her include us.

So basically, I emailed uncle and told him I didn't appreciate the accusation against my co-worker, that his "thank-you" was disingenous and if he had a bad time it was just as much his own fault for not speaking up when he got the wrong tickets.  I reminded him how he had no problem speaking up over and over trying to get me to get 6 extra tix for his inlaws, so I didn't understand why he couldn't speak up when he knew he was handed the wrong tickets.  I also let him know that I didn't appreciate the push-back he gave me on the extra tickets for his wife's family in light of the fact that his wife doesn't seem to consider ME family and left me out of his recent monumental birthday party.  I told him I felt like I had been used, and that "no good deed goes unpunished" therefore please don't ever ask me for a favor again, especially not for his wife or her family.

I spoke to one of my cousins before sending it, to see if I was being too harsh, but she said no.  He's been behaving similarly (and his wife #4 has been mean to her and her siblings, too) so she was glad I was standing up to him on this.  She must have told my other cousins because they have contacted me too, to say "Way to go!".  He has pissed off his own kids again and will probably soon be estranged from them again.  Most recently, he decided he wanted his original wedding china from marriage #1.  My aunt (wife #1) had already passed the heirloom china on to her daughter, my cousin.  Well, Uncle called my cousin and told her he wanted the china.  She was livid but gave it to him on the condition it be returned to her when he dies, and not passed on to wife #4.  After receiving the china wife #4 then confronted my aunt, wife #1, to ask her if she broke all the bowls because they were not included.  There never were any bowls, the set was a basic set gifted in the 60's.  It was just a salad plate, dinner plate, cup and saucer.  They never added to the set.  Well wife #4 insisted there HAD to be bowls and then commented that wife #1 MUST HAVE broken them because that was the only thing that made sense!   :o

Basically, this concert has made uncle and wife #4 personal non-gratis in my family.  It's sad, but he made his bed an now he will have to lie in it.

I will call uncle back next week per his request.  I'm not giving him the cut direct, but I don't have much else to say to him.  I'm curious to hear what he has to say though, so I'm willing to listen.  He is not normally a bad person to me, but since wife #4 he has been very selfish and rude.  This wife is too controlling and sadly he's losing all his loved ones because of her.

Biker Granny

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Re: Is there a rude "thank you"?
« Reply #22 on: December 13, 2012, 01:18:20 PM »
Let's say you do a favor for someone.  You get them free tickets to a concert that normally would have cost them several hundred dollars.  They call to thank you after the show but then list a litany of complaints about the experience.  For example, saying the seats weren't where I expected them to be,  I couldn't see the stage and had to watch it on the monitor,   It felt like I was just watching tv at home instead of being at a concert, etc.

Is that rude of them to say all of this?

As the giver of the tickets, these factors were out of my control.  Should the recipient just say Thanks and keep their complaints to themself?  Or is it rude for them to give a thank you with caveats?

What should I say/do in return, if anything?
Is it rude if I then let them know that I don't appreciate the complaints and think they were ungrateful to share this stuff with me?


Ahhhhh...you've met my SIL!  I could give her food to feel her family and afterwards complain that it was to their taste!


She is also the all take an no give side.

I'me glad you stood up to him.  And stick to your guns!  No more favors.  I will admit my selfish pleasure of the look on my SIL's face the 1st time I got to tell her no and why. >:D