Author Topic: Morals VS Etiquette?  (Read 2426 times)

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MOM21SON

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Morals VS Etiquette?
« on: December 12, 2012, 06:25:22 PM »
Where is the line drawn?

Moray

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Re: Morals VS Etiquette?
« Reply #1 on: December 12, 2012, 06:28:47 PM »
Well, they're two completely different things.

Morals have to do with whether a given course of action is "right" or "wrong".
Etiquette is being polite about it.

Do you have a specific scenario in mind?
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MOM21SON

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Re: Morals VS Etiquette?
« Reply #2 on: December 12, 2012, 06:37:01 PM »
Well, they're two completely different things.

Morals have to do with whether a given course of action is "right" or "wrong".
Etiquette is being polite about it.

Do you have a specific scenario in mind?

Yes.  I will give you one right now. 

I ordered something, today it came, only I got 2 boxes.  I paid for one.  I contacted the company and they were adamant that this could not have happened.  Well, it did.  I want to return it, its not mine.  I started getting upset to the point that I got snippy.  It's not mine, I was not billed for it, I want to return it.

Moray

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Re: Morals VS Etiquette?
« Reply #3 on: December 12, 2012, 06:40:37 PM »
In that case, I don't believe either Morals or Etiquette really differ. You were obligated (morally) to inform them of the issue. You were bound by etiquette to be polite while doing it. If they tell you they don't want it back (for whatever reason) you are free to keep or dispose of it as you see fit.
Utah

JenJay

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Re: Morals VS Etiquette?
« Reply #4 on: December 12, 2012, 06:41:40 PM »
I'd say "Contrary to what my account information may say, I was indeed sent two of item. Please email me a shipping label so that I can return one." If they argue that isn't possible I'd try once more, speaking to a manager, and if they still insisted I was imagining the extra I guess I'd feel free to give one away. What more can ya do?

MrsJWine

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Re: Morals VS Etiquette?
« Reply #5 on: December 12, 2012, 06:44:14 PM »
In that case, I don't believe either Morals or Etiquette really differ. You were obligated (morally) to inform them of the issue. You were bound by etiquette to be polite while doing it. If they tell you they don't want it back (for whatever reason) you are free to keep or dispose of it as you see fit.

This, pretty much. The extent of your obligation is to try to inform them. If they don't care, or if they don't believe you, it's no longer your problem.


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Utah

greencat

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Re: Morals VS Etiquette?
« Reply #6 on: December 12, 2012, 06:45:40 PM »
If you live in the United States, legally, that box is yours at no charge - the law is that way in order to prevent shady companies from mailing out random (and not necessarily wanted or useful) merchandise and insisting that the recipients either pay for the item or pay for the costs to ship it back.  YMMV in other countries.

Morally, you already did the right thing by contacting the company regarding their mistake.  Since they've declined to accept a return, you're in the clear - enjoy your extra whatever!

It would actually be impolite at this point to keep insisting on returning the item - think of it as trying to give a gift back to the giver.

Tilt Fairy

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Re: Morals VS Etiquette?
« Reply #7 on: December 12, 2012, 06:54:38 PM »
You've done all you need to. You honestly told them that they sent you an extra one but they don't think that's possible/don't want you to bother returning it/don't really care... so just keep it. This has nothing to do with either morals or etiquette You told them their mistake (which inadvertently has benefitted you). They're not bothered they've sent you an extra box for free so just enjoy it. You've fulfilled your obligation. They are aware of the situation. No need to get upset over this.

pharmagal

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Re: Morals VS Etiquette?
« Reply #8 on: December 12, 2012, 06:56:46 PM »
Morals first, etiquette second.   

If I stay true to my morals I'll sleep better at night.  If I offend someone unintentionally or perhaps I'm having an off day, I'm really not going to beat myself up about it.  I'll apologise where necessary and not angst over it.

 

onyonryngs

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Re: Morals VS Etiquette?
« Reply #9 on: December 12, 2012, 06:59:08 PM »
It's not something that can be easily answered.  However, I do like this distinction from a paper in a philosophy journal: "To distinguish that second kind of etiquette from morality, one may argue that the former is about behaving respectfully (i.e., about expressing respect), while what matters for the latter is having respect." http://www.hks.harvard.edu/fs/mrisse/Papers/Papers%20-%20Philosophy/TheMorallyDecentPerson.pdf

But if we're just discussing your situation, I think you're morally obligated to inform the company of the mistake, but etiquettely obligated not to get snippy and stay polite when you have difficulty dealing with the customer service person.

MOM21SON

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Re: Morals VS Etiquette?
« Reply #10 on: December 12, 2012, 07:14:22 PM »
#2.  You went into a store and purchased item A, but you were delivered item B that was way bigger and better.

The store manager called you and informed you of the mistake.  You were aware of the mistake but liked the mistake.  But, being a reasonable person, you said you would come in and pay the difference.  But didn't.

So, then the manager called again and said, "If you don't pay the difference, the salesman will have to pay or be fired"   The difference was 4 hundred US.  Also, if u do not pay the price difference, your HUGE electronic item is not covered under warranty, afterall,you didn't pay.

jpcher

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Re: Morals VS Etiquette?
« Reply #11 on: December 12, 2012, 07:18:19 PM »
Well, they're two completely different things.

Morals have to do with whether a given course of action is "right" or "wrong".
Etiquette is being polite about it.

Do you have a specific scenario in mind?

Yes.  I will give you one right now. 

I ordered something, today it came, only I got 2 boxes.  I paid for one.  I contacted the company and they were adamant that this could not have happened.  Well, it did.  I want to return it, its not mine.  I started getting upset to the point that I got snippy.  It's not mine, I was not billed for it, I want to return it.

I'm agreeing with others that you did the morally correct thing by contacting them and letting them know that a mistake had been made.

I also agree, woo hoo! Lucky you! You got two for the price of one.

If you're feeling guilty about it, I suggest that you donate the 2nd item to your favorite charity.



Buuuut . . . you might want to hang on to it for a couple of weeks/a month just in case they decide that you were, in fact, correct and try to bill you.




Okay, you posted #2 while I was typing. Let me think on this one.

onyonryngs

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Re: Morals VS Etiquette?
« Reply #12 on: December 12, 2012, 07:19:24 PM »
#2.  You went into a store and purchased item A, but you were delivered item B that was way bigger and better.

The store manager called you and informed you of the mistake.  You were aware of the mistake but liked the mistake.  But, being a reasonable person, you said you would come in and pay the difference.  But didn't.

So, then the manager called again and said, "If you don't pay the difference, the salesman will have to pay or be fired"   The difference was 4 hundred US.  Also, if u do not pay the price difference, your HUGE electronic item is not covered under warranty, afterall,you didn't pay.

Morally wrong.

DottyG

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Re: Morals VS Etiquette?
« Reply #13 on: December 12, 2012, 07:20:35 PM »
Quote
you said you would come in and pay the difference.  But didn't.

So this theoretical person lied.  Why?

I think I'd start with that problem before going any further with the issue.

Outdoor Girl

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Re: Morals VS Etiquette?
« Reply #14 on: December 12, 2012, 07:20:55 PM »
Scenario 1:  Your moral obligation is to report that they sent you an extra item.  Etiquette wise, you need to be polite about it.  When they tell you to keep it, say 'Thank you very much' and do with it what you'd like.  I read a story about a couple of people who ordered 1 tablets of some sort and got 5!  They were told to keep them and Merry Christmas!  So they were going to give them to friends and family or donate them.

Scenario 2:  You are morally obligated to either return the item for the correct one or to pay the difference.  I would think etiquette would say that you need to do that politely and within a reasonable time frame.  And the fact that the manager had to call again means the etiquette part of it wasn't adhered to, IMO.
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