Re: Letting an adult "suffer the consequences" UPDATE Pg. 8

[Golden Phoenix]

Honestly, I'd use the word liar.  In front of Grandpa.  I think that would get him to understand that when he's saying things like that, he's lying, and to a child.  If he tried to protest, I'd say, "Oh, so you *were* going to take her to Very Special Place?"  When he says no, he was just joking, then, "Do you see anybody laughing?  Does Taylor seem to think you're funny?  Jokes should make people laugh, not cry.  When your "jokes" make people cry, then it's just bullying, and it's plain mean." I think he needs a harsh wakeup call, because it's obvious that this has been addressed over and over without him making any change.  And Taylor needs to hear that he's a liar.  She needs to be prepped ahead of time, and reminded as he's saying it as well.

This. And especially the bolded, x 1000!

[missknowledge]

I would flat out tell him--You realize she's gonna hate for this stuff and you just keep on doing it. 

[KenveeB]

Honestly, I'd use the word liar.  In front of Grandpa.  I think that would get him to understand that when he's saying things like that, he's lying, and to a child.  If he tried to protest, I'd say, "Oh, so you *were* going to take her to Very Special Place?"  When he says no, he was just joking, then, "Do you see anybody laughing?  Does Taylor seem to think you're funny?  Jokes should make people laugh, not cry.  When your "jokes" make people cry, then it's just bullying, and it's plain mean." I think he needs a harsh wakeup call, because it's obvious that this has been addressed over and over without him making any change.  And Taylor needs to hear that he's a liar.  She needs to be prepped ahead of time, and reminded as he's saying it as well.

This. And especially the bolded, x 1000!

I agree, this is the best wording I've seen. I don't like using "tricker" because it's giving FIL a dodge of thinking he's still funny. Call it what it is -- he's lying to a little girl.

[poundcake]

Grandpa is going to get defensive and argumentative about it, though, so Taylor's parents need to be prepared to deal with that, too.

[lisastitch]

I was doing some research on bullying.  One of the authors I read drew a distinction between teasing and taunting, which I thought was very useful.
In teasing, the goal is for both people to be laughing.  We're human, we do silly things, we can laugh together at them. 
In taunting, only one person is laughing.  The other person is hurt.

DH and I tease one another all the time.  If either one of us feels hurt (which has happened very rarely in nearly 40 years of marriage), the other stops immediately. 

FIL may be clueless and think that he's "teasing".  Differentiating between "teasing" and "taunting" may help him understand that he is not funny, and that he is hurting a little girl. 

Taylor needs to be protected.

[Bluenomi]

I hate it when people do this to kids. Someone tried it on DD once and I was furious!

It's only funny for the adult making the 'joke', it's not funny for the kid. I'd step in, make it clear to the kid that Grandpa is lying/kidding/whatever they can undestand. If kid grows up to not like them, too bad.

[bonyk]

If my FIL, (or either of may parents) did this to my DD, he would be cut off until he apologized and promised to never ever do it again.  A violation after that would mean permanent banishment.  Tormenting my child is not okay.

[DottyG]

I'm glad some of you are using the word that applies to the FIL, because this is exactly what he is.  A bully.  Plain and simple.  And a bully to a child or animal is one of the lowest kinds there is.

Edited, because I consider abuse to an animal one of the lowest kinds as well
 
 

 

[Drawberry]

I would ask them point blank - How long are you going to allow FIL to emotionally taunt and abuse your daughter?

That is exactly what he's doing. This man is getting his kicks off taunting and hurting your daughter, he's a grown man for goodness sake and he KNOWS what he's doing. This isn't him 'joking' and a joke isn't a way to dodge responsibility for your actions. He's tormenting this child for his own amusement, that's emotional abuse and it's teaching your daughter that Mommy and Daddy are the bad guy's who won't let her have fun.

The next time he starts up tell Daughter straight forward "Grandpa is being mean and teasing you, you aren't staying with them/going to a fun place/getting ice cream/etc."

Because that's exactly what he's doing. He's being mean to her. He's being mean to her for fun.

[Venus193]

Did he treat Todd this way when he was a child?  If so, this has to stop right here and now.

[snowdragon]

You know I have been thinking about this thread - it's  not the adults who are suffering the consequences - it's the kid. And this needs to stop now.

[kherbert05]

If they decide to go with the tell the truth Granddad is a liar method, they still should not leave an upset Taylor with her grandfather. The man has proven he doesn't get kids. He might lose it and accidentally hurt the child - by shaking her for example

[mbbored]

Honestly, I'd use the word liar.  In front of Grandpa.  I think that would get him to understand that when he's saying things like that, he's lying, and to a child.  If he tried to protest, I'd say, "Oh, so you *were* going to take her to Very Special Place?"  When he says no, he was just joking, then, "Do you see anybody laughing?  Does Taylor seem to think you're funny?  Jokes should make people laugh, not cry.  When your "jokes" make people cry, then it's just bullying, and it's plain mean." I think he needs a harsh wakeup call, because it's obvious that this has been addressed over and over without him making any change.  And Taylor needs to hear that he's a liar.  She needs to be prepped ahead of time, and reminded as he's saying it as well.

This. And especially the bolded, x 1000!

I agree, this is the best wording I've seen. I don't like using "tricker" because it's giving FIL a dodge of thinking he's still funny. Call it what it is -- he's lying to a little girl.

I agree. Call Grandpa what he is, a liar.

[TootsNYC]

If they decide to go with the tell the truth Granddad is a liar method, they still should not leave an upset Taylor with her grandfather. The man has proven he doesn't get kids. He might lose it and accidentally hurt the child - by shaking her for example

I think this is an exaggeration. And what we might call an "interesting assumption." I don't know how in the world you get to this from the kind of game-playing Grandpa is doing!

[Emmy]

If they decide to go with the tell the truth Granddad is a liar method, they still should not leave an upset Taylor with her grandfather. The man has proven he doesn't get kids. He might lose it and accidentally hurt the child - by shaking her for example

I agree that leaving the upset child with Grandpa to deal with is also punishing her after she was the victim of emotional abuse.  Since he feels children should not have tantrums, he would probably be less than comforting to her.  He should have to deal with his own actions, but not at the expense of the child.  Limiting the time that her grandfather can see her gives him consequences while protecting her.

Honestly, I'd use the word liar.  In front of Grandpa.  I think that would get him to understand that when he's saying things like that, he's lying, and to a child.  If he tried to protest, I'd say, "Oh, so you *were* going to take her to Very Special Place?"  When he says no, he was just joking, then, "Do you see anybody laughing?  Does Taylor seem to think you're funny?  Jokes should make people laugh, not cry.  When your "jokes" make people cry, then it's just bullying, and it's plain mean." I think he needs a harsh wakeup call, because it's obvious that this has been addressed over and over without him making any change.  And Taylor needs to hear that he's a liar.  She needs to be prepped ahead of time, and reminded as he's saying it as well.

This. And especially the bolded, x 1000!

I like this too.