Family Party. Please bring mac and cheese

[SoCalVal]

I get the feeling that since SIL brought a prepared dish, the green salad, along with the unprepared box of mac and cheese that she was taking a stand on being directed what to bring while still, sort of, acquiescing (she brought it; she just didn't make it).  I don't get any misunderstanding here (or else why would she have brought a green salad also?).  I realize she was asked but did anyone else get asked to bring something specific?

[blarg314]

I'm kind of curious about how the initial exchange went, because it's not clear if the SIL offered to bring stuff, or was told to bring stuff. That's an important distinction.

Something like "I'm thinking of next Saturday for the kids party, does that work for you?"  "Sure, what should I bring" "Well, we've got lots of kids so how about mac and cheese?" gives a very different background than "The kids party is next Saturday. We've got lots of little ones there, so you need to bring mac and cheese."

In the first case, the SIL was definitely being rude. In the second case, it could be a case of her feeling railroaded into bringing a dish on command to a party she didn't get any say in planning and couldn't decline to attend.

It also occurs to me that Kraft dinner is a lousy potluck dish - it's not nearly as good when reheated, and the quick cook noodles do not handle being kept warm for long periods. Homemade mac and cheese is more sturdy, but I don't think I'd make that for a batch of small kids, unless  I knew that they'd appreciate the homemade stuff over the boxed stuff. Plus, good home-made mac and cheese for a big group can get pricey for a potluck dish, if you start with good quality cheese.

[Shoo]

Kraft mac 'n cheese takes less than 10 minutes to make.  I would have assumed she brought the box because she knows that stuff is nasty when it isn't absolutely fresh.  She probably thought someone would just throw it in a pot and cook it.  Easy peasy.

[artk2002]

Kraft mac 'n cheese takes less than 10 minutes to make.  I would have assumed she brought the box because she knows that stuff is nasty when it isn't absolutely fresh.  She probably thought someone would just throw it in a pot and cook it.  Easy peasy.

It may be easy, but the right thing to do would be to say, in advance: "Will there be space in the kitchen for me to prepare the Mac'nCheese? It doesn't travel well." Just assuming is wrong and rude.

[Deetee]

Kraft mac 'n cheese takes less than 10 minutes to make.  I would have assumed she brought the box because she knows that stuff is nasty when it isn't absolutely fresh.  She probably thought someone would just throw it in a pot and cook it.  Easy peasy.

It may be easy, but the right thing to do would be to say, in advance: "Will there be space in the kitchen for me to prepare the Mac'nCheese? It doesn't travel well." Just assuming is wrong and rude.

Yeah, because even mac and cheese takes up time and space in an unfamiliar kitchen. For me, it  takes 20 minutes to prepare (10 minutes for water to boil, 7 minutes to cook, 3 minutes to drain, add ingrediants and stir) so one should arrive at least 30 minutes before eating time.

I can see making it at the place for a family potluck for the kids as it doesn't travel or re-heat well, but it's the sort of thing you check beforehand (or have a casual family and arrive early enough that it can be prepped for dinner)

[Shoo]

Kraft mac 'n cheese takes less than 10 minutes to make.  I would have assumed she brought the box because she knows that stuff is nasty when it isn't absolutely fresh.  She probably thought someone would just throw it in a pot and cook it.  Easy peasy.

It may be easy, but the right thing to do would be to say, in advance: "Will there be space in the kitchen for me to prepare the Mac'nCheese? It doesn't travel well." Just assuming is wrong and rude.

I agree, I was just stating what her thought process might have been.

[Deetee]

Kraft mac 'n cheese takes less than 10 minutes to make.  I would have assumed she brought the box because she knows that stuff is nasty when it isn't absolutely fresh.  She probably thought someone would just throw it in a pot and cook it.  Easy peasy.

It may be easy, but the right thing to do would be to say, in advance: "Will there be space in the kitchen for me to prepare the Mac'nCheese? It doesn't travel well." Just assuming is wrong and rude.

I agree, I was just stating what her thought process might have been.

Most people seem to agree that for a family potluck making the KD at the house can work for the reasons you listed, but she just went about it a ridiculous way.

[CaptainObvious]

Just out of curiosity, but were they sitting down to eat immediately?  Because boxed mac & cheese takes less than 10 minutes to cook, and it does taste better fresh.

This is part of what I was thinking...
if I'm making mac-n-cheese from a box (and really, that's how I make it), I'm not pre-making it, I can't stand it once it's been cooled/reheated.

Also, if mac & cheese was specifically requested for the kids then it makes sense to use the boxed kind if that's what they're used to.  I'm assuming it was requested due to picky eaters, otherwise I don't see a reason they can't eat the same food as the adults.

I have been at many family gatherings where the little kids refused to eat the homemade mac and cheese, they want the Kraft boxed version.

[Lorelei_Evil]

I will politely refuse both, they're welcome to it!   

[WillyNilly]

One other thing strikes me.  Maybe its because I work in nutrition, but I think its notable that she brought a prepared green salad by choice and an unprepared box of mac & cheese by demand.  Maybe she doesn't want to encourage junk food for her kids, and just in general wanted some healthful, low fat, low calorie "real food" options available. I know for me one of the big negatives of potlucks is they are generally high fat high calories foods - cheeses and creamy sauces and meats and baked goods, etc.

I also agree that re-heated boxed mac & cheese is absolutely awful in both taste and appearance; it pretty much needs to be made when its going to be eaten.

[mj]

OP, I'm curious to know what the initial conversation between your Mom and SIL was like.  A thought occurred to me that she was asked to bring a box of mac n cheese, so she literally brought a box. 

Even though I have been to quite a few of my husbands family "potlucks", they still have the capability to confuse me.  I can imagine the SIL thinking that boxed mac n cheese doesn't hold well and with the thought in mind that she was already preparing one side, that the host couldn't possibly mean prepare a second.  She might have just thought your Mom was asking her to bring the box.

Do you also know whether these gatherings are labeled as a potluck in the invitation?  If so, I think the best route to avoid this in the future is for your Mom to be very clear in the initial invitation as to what exactly these types of events are.

[Yvaine]

One other thing strikes me.  Maybe its because I work in nutrition, but I think its notable that she brought a prepared green salad by choice and an unprepared box of mac & cheese by demand.  Maybe she doesn't want to encourage junk food for her kids, and just in general wanted some healthful, low fat, low calorie "real food" options available. I know for me one of the big negatives of potlucks is they are generally high fat high calories foods - cheeses and creamy sauces and meats and baked goods, etc.

But if that was the meaning, she was delivering a passive-aggressive nutrition lecture, which is also rude, and should have just addressed her concerns when OP's mom called, something like "Oh, I'm trying not to feed the kids so much cheese, can I bring a salad instead?" And if she doesn't have any kids herself, then the perceived quality of the diet of other people's kids isn't really her business.

[Aeris]

I agree with Yvaine. Why does it matter whether SIL thought mac'n'cheese was unhealthy, or didn't put a high value on it, or whatever else? If you don't like what you've been asked to bring, say you'd rather bring something else. You don't show up with the unprepared version of it and hand it to the host.

[CaptainObvious]

I agree with Yvaine. Why does it matter whether SIL thought mac'n'cheese was unhealthy, or didn't put a high value on it, or whatever else? If you don't like what you've been asked to bring, say you'd rather bring something else. You don't show up with the unprepared version of it and hand it to the host.

I also agree. I have told a host that I wasn't bringing the dish she "assigned" and that I would gladly bring something else.

[WillyNilly]

One other thing strikes me.  Maybe its because I work in nutrition, but I think its notable that she brought a prepared green salad by choice and an unprepared box of mac & cheese by demand.  Maybe she doesn't want to encourage junk food for her kids, and just in general wanted some healthful, low fat, low calorie "real food" options available. I know for me one of the big negatives of potlucks is they are generally high fat high calories foods - cheeses and creamy sauces and meats and baked goods, etc.

But if that was the meaning, she was delivering a passive-aggressive nutrition lecture, which is also rude, and should have just addressed her concerns when OP's mom called, something like "Oh, I'm trying not to feed the kids so much cheese, can I bring a salad instead?" And if she doesn't have any kids herself, then the perceived quality of the diet of other people's kids isn't really her business.

No she didn't, she still brought the mac & cheese as directed too.  And as many people have already posted bringing it unmade might well have been because she thought to herself "it takes 10 minutes to make and is nasty reheated."  She simply didn't go to the effort of making home made mac & cheese and instead also brought a home made green salad. If everyone else gets to choose what they bring, she should get to choose to as well.