When is the "Honeymoon" over?

[mbbored]

I'm sure everybody's gone through this.

One of your friends has met somebody special and suddenly every opinion is "Well BF and I think" and every conversation turns into "BF and I did this" and plans are changed at the last minute because "BF wanted to do this."

How long do you tolerate this behavior, if at all?

Personally, I give them a month before I have a talk with them.

[jassou]

3 months, approx. Be patient, then it'll turn into: bf NEVER does/ ALWAYS does/ how can I get him to...
 If it keeps bugging you, just change the subject. A dutch saying goes: what fills the heart, spills form the mouth. We've all been there. 

[snowball's chance]

sadly, sometimes it doesn't change.  If plans are STILL being changed (or trying to after) a few months, tell your friend it bugs you.  And try not to roll your eyes at "BF & I think . . ."

[LifeOnPluto]

I agree with mm250. Sometimes Close Cosy Couples never snap out of the Honeymoon period. I had a friend just like what the OP was referring to. It was "BF and I think XYZ" or "Have to cancel our lunch date! BF wants me to help him tune his car!" etc etc, all the time!!

I figured she'd snap out of this behaviour in a few months. But no - 5 years later they are still together and she is almost exactly the same!

I think if the cancelling plans happens a lot, you do need to say something. If they are a proper friend, they'll realise how hurt and inconvenienced you are, and should change (my friend has become better at this). Not much you can do about the "BF and I think this..." business, though. Just grin and bear it, and thank god you still have your own mind and own opinions...

[blarg314]

Excessive gushing I'd give a couple of months. Cancelling pre-made plans because 'boyfriend would rather' gets one chance - twice and I would make an issue of it. That's not just a matter of being in wuv, it's also disrespectful to me.

If a couple goes an extended period of time and shows no sign of becoming presentable in public, I would be inclined to drift away from it, rather than making an issue by speaking to them directly.

[baconsmom]

I'm sure everybody's gone through this.

One of your friends has met somebody special and suddenly every opinion is "Well BF and I think" and every conversation turns into "BF and I did this" and plans are changed at the last minute because "BF wanted to do this."

How long do you tolerate this behavior, if at all?

Personally, I give them a month before I have a talk with them.

I can't tolerate it, because I've never done it. Neither has my best friend. I might have talked about a special someone a lot, but I would never have changed plans at the last minute - that's rude - and I certainly would never have changed opinions without good, factual evidence provided to sway me.

IMO, realtionships that have this element of "I will give up all my individuality to become part of a unit" won't ever end well. I was a whole person before I met my husband; I was a whole person while dating him; I'm a whole person on my own now that we're married. He wouldn't have had me otherwise (thank God!).

[Bibliophile]

We don't cancel plans with other people, but I do have to say my DH & I are still gushy after 3 years.

[snowball's chance]

Interestingly enough, when couples are like this, you will find that one half of the couple (usually the guy IME.  Not to be sexist, but mostly I've noticed it's the woman who's more willing to put friendships "on hold" to concentrate on a new S.O. relationship) is always concerned that the other doesn't have enough friends.  I knew a couple like this, and every time the guy had a guy's night-out or weekend planned, *he* called me to see if I'd hang out w/ his then-fiance (now wife) so she wouldn't feel left out.  (She had lost touch w/ the female friends she had when they started dating.)

[Carolingian]

One of your friends has met somebody special and suddenly every opinion is "Well BF and I think" and every conversation turns into "BF and I did this" and plans are changed at the last minute because "BF wanted to do this."

"BF and I..." talk sometimes just has to be tolerated, and while it is merely a short phase for some people, it can last for years in the case of friends that are talkative and have "favourite subjects" they can talk about at great length every time you meet them anyway. If they are good friends in every other respect, I just listen politely.

However, I have little patience with the changing of plans for no good reason, and I will point out to a friend that it bothers me if it seems to become a habit.

[mimi_cat]

Well, I will frequently talk about "DF and I" in terms of things we did or plans we have.  We live together now and are planning a wedding, so we DO spend quite a bit of time together.  And most of our plans/thoughts ARE fairly similar.  I don't see anything wrong with it, and I wouldn't ever call someone on it.  When I say things like "DF and I went out of town" or "DF and I want to put in wood flooring" -- those are all true statements.

Cancelling plans though - is a whole other ballgame.  We don't feel that we need to do everything together but we will check with each other before making plans, whether it's single or both of us.  I don't need his permission to have dinner w/a friend, but we've agreed that it's common courtesy to just double check and make sure we don't have something already scheduled on that night.  Depending on the reason, I might give them a pass (i.e. if their SO won tickets to something, or had a work party come up, or something that couldn't have been forseen that is date-specific).  But if it's something like 'well, SO really wants to go out for dinner with me' or 'he wants to rent a movie instead' I'm alot less likely to be understanding.

[Elfqueen13]

I'm sure everybody's gone through this.

One of your friends has met somebody special and suddenly every opinion is "Well BF and I think" and every conversation turns into "BF and I did this" and plans are changed at the last minute because "BF wanted to do this."

How long do you tolerate this behavior, if at all?

Personally, I give them a month before I have a talk with them.

Changing plans at the last minute should be done as seldom as possible, no matter what.  If you want to give your friend some slack in the first 2 months of a relationship, ok.  Beyond that, no. 

The shared opinions and "BF and I" stories depends on the couple in question.  My fiance and I are a fairly insular couple; we do most things together, sometimes with friends sometimes with just each other.  So my conversations are frequently full of "we" statements.  He's the center of my world and it shows.

[aline]

Well, I will frequently talk about "DF and I" in terms of things we did or plans we have.  We live together now and are planning a wedding, so we DO spend quite a bit of time together.  And most of our plans/thoughts ARE fairly similar.  I don't see anything wrong with it, and I wouldn't ever call someone on it.  When I say things like "DF and I went out of town" or "DF and I want to put in wood flooring" -- those are all true statements.

Cancelling plans though - is a whole other ballgame.  We don't feel that we need to do everything together but we will check with each other before making plans, whether it's single or both of us.  I don't need his permission to have dinner w/a friend, but we've agreed that it's common courtesy to just double check and make sure we don't have something already scheduled on that night.  Depending on the reason, I might give them a pass (i.e. if their SO won tickets to something, or had a work party come up, or something that couldn't have been forseen that is date-specific).  But if it's something like 'well, SO really wants to go out for dinner with me' or 'he wants to rent a movie instead' I'm alot less likely to be understanding.

I agree completely.

[Dragonflymom]

I do talk about things my fiance and I do together fairly often, because we do most things together, he has even to an extent taken up my musical hobby, and I've started going to his medieval stuff.

But to cancel plans with someone else in order to do something with him - that one I'd never do, unless it was some major emergency that I neede to help him take care of... it wouldn't be something I'd do on a whim just for fun.  Since most of my friends tend to bring their spouses along when socializing, and we tend to share many of the same friends, most of the time this isn't an issue.

About the only time that I have made an exception to this was when we had a band rehearsal (for me, my friends are largely the people I play music with, so band rehearsal = socializing for me )  scheduled for Valentine's Day, half of the band was going to miss it anyway to spend time with their SOs, and he asked me out that night.  And then our band leader's wife got wind of the fact the he was scheduling a rehearsal on Valentine's Day, and made him cancel it anyway to take her out. *LOL*  She is great, she's going to be the MOH at my wedding.

[snowball's chance]

I can't speak for the OP, but I completely understand when one 1/2 of the couple says, for instance, "I was at Wherever w/ BF" or "BF & I are buying a lawn mower", but I for one get a little  when I ask you if you like, say, a certain movie, and you answer w/ an automatic "BF & I love that movie." 

While I understand BF is your one and only, and you think about him constantly when you're away from him, sometimes I'm just interested to hear what *your* likes or dislikes are.  Hope that doesn't sound snarky.

[Chocolate Cake]

Does the OP's description of the situation call to mind the Seinfeld episode where Elaine retorts, "Maybe a dingo ate your baby!"?