Author Topic: People who knock on your door...  (Read 6586 times)

0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.

MorgnsGrl

  • Member
  • **
  • Posts: 668
People who knock on your door...
« on: December 13, 2012, 07:00:13 AM »
Last week, DH was going out for the evening. It was just after dinner time, but already fully dark outside. DH went out with some things to put in his car, and a minute later the doorbell rang and there was a loud, impatient banging on the door. I thought it was DH, having forgot his keys or something else he needed, and went to answer it, only to find a tall, unfamiliar man holding a stack of flyers on our porch. The door was already open -- I hadn't looked because I thought it was DH -- and I was flustered and uncomfortable that I'd just opened it for a complete stranger. I didn't feel particularly safe. I said, "Hi, sorry, I can't do this right now" and the man thrust a flyer at me and I took it automatically. He said, "If I could just have a minute to tell you about this --" and I gave the flyer back to him, saying, "Sorry, I can't right now" and shut the door in his face while he was still trying to tell me about whatever it was.

I never did look at the flyer to see what it was about. DH had JUST left (this guy must have seen him leaving) and I was alone with DS. But I've felt rude ever since. Was I?

Piratelvr1121

  • Super Hero!
  • ****
  • Posts: 10502
Re: People who knock on your door...
« Reply #1 on: December 13, 2012, 07:42:39 AM »
That's just creepy and no you weren't rude at all. I'd categorize that under "Safety trumps etiquette".
Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars.  You have a right to be here. Be cheerful, strive to be happy. -Desiderata

cicero

  • Super Hero!
  • ****
  • Posts: 16911
Re: People who knock on your door...
« Reply #2 on: December 13, 2012, 07:44:16 AM »
why do you think you were rude? you have no obligation to open the door/accept a flier/listen to a speil from a total stranger who appears on your doorstep. especially if he appears on your doorstep when it's already dark and when your husband had *just* walked out. honestly - i would've been scared beyond my wits (and i don't scare easily) and i would've just slammed the door and locked it. safety first.

it\s unbelievably creepy to me that he just magically appeared immediately after your husband left. may be a coincidence, but I would be creeped out.

            Created by MyFitnessPal.com - Free Weight Loss Tools

Roe

  • Super Hero!
  • ****
  • Posts: 6305
Re: People who knock on your door...
« Reply #3 on: December 13, 2012, 08:15:05 AM »
Definitely not rude.  Trust your instincts.  You didn't feel safe and you had every right to close the door on his face. He might've been the sweetest guy ever but it's not rude to protect yourself, esp given the fact that he is intruding on your personal territory.

I once refused to open the door for a salesman and he kicked the door and said "open it."  Yeah, as if that was going to all of a sudden convince me I was wrong for not opening it up.   ::)

Amava

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 4747
Re: People who knock on your door...
« Reply #4 on: December 13, 2012, 10:47:28 AM »
No, I think /he/ was rude.
First of all, if you want to visit someone, ring their doorbell /once/ OR knock /calmly/ on the door and give them time to answer (or not answer, if they so prefer). If you think there is a good chance they didn't hear you the first time, it is ok to ring once more after waiting a bit. Don't go ringing and banging like a loon as if there is a fire or something. Announce your presence politely!

Secondly, if someone tells you "I can't do this right now", or "this is not a good time right now", don't start into your spiel anyway. Excuse yourself and leave them alone and respect their answer.

It is not rude to either not answer the door, to tell someone politely it is not a good time to visit, or to tell them politely to go away. It is also not rude to shut the door on them if they do not listen.
Yelling profanities at them would be rude. Assertively closing your door is not.

SamiHami

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 2868
  • No! Iz mai catnip! You no can haz! YOU NO CAN HAZ!
Re: People who knock on your door...
« Reply #5 on: December 13, 2012, 10:50:38 AM »
Definitely not rude.  Trust your instincts.  You didn't feel safe and you had every right to close the door on his face. He might've been the sweetest guy ever but it's not rude to protect yourself, esp given the fact that he is intruding on your personal territory.

I once refused to open the door for a salesman and he kicked the door and said "open it." Yeah, as if that was going to all of a sudden convince me I was wrong for not opening it up.   ::)

Wow! That would have warranted a call to the police!

What have you got? Is it food? Is it for me? I want it whatever it is!

onyonryngs

  • Member
  • **
  • Posts: 362
Re: People who knock on your door...
« Reply #6 on: December 13, 2012, 10:50:51 AM »
No.   Of course you weren't rude.  I wouldn't let an interaction with a door-to-door salesman/evangelist bug me for a week. 

MorgnsGrl

  • Member
  • **
  • Posts: 668
Re: People who knock on your door...
« Reply #7 on: December 13, 2012, 12:00:50 PM »
I wouldn't let an interaction with a door-to-door salesman/evangelist bug me for a week.

Eh. People can't always control what bugs them.

RegionMom

  • Super Hero!
  • ****
  • Posts: 6141
  • ♪♫ ♫ ♪ ♫ ♪♫ ♪ ♪♪♫ ♪♫ ♪♫
Re: People who knock on your door...
« Reply #8 on: December 13, 2012, 12:09:16 PM »
One time my DD was home alone (aged 14 or so at the time) and I had called ahead to have her meet me in the driveway dressed and ready for the next appointment. 
I pulled in the driveway to see a man talking to her on the front step.
 :o >:( :( ???
She had just locked the house when he came up to her.

Fortunately, my drive timing was correct and I pulled up in time to holler, "hey, did (brother's name) feed the dog yet?"  to let the guy know that the (now empty) house was not empty, and that I was the owner/adult, not a small 15 year old.  I let the man know that I was absolutely not interested in anything he might have, and watched him walk away.  My hinky meter was not going off, but I was not sure about DD's.

DD was a bit flustered, as anyone would be when you step out of your house for an errand, and a stranger is right there!!  But all was ok.

I have a screen door that has it's own lock.  That has helped me more than once.  Sure, it feels a bit rude not completely opening the door to a complete stranger trying to get your money, but it works for me!
 ;)

OP, you were fine in what you did. 
Fear is temporary...Regret is forever.

Winterlight

  • On the internet, no one can tell you're a dog- arf.
  • Super Hero!
  • ****
  • Posts: 9436
Re: People who knock on your door...
« Reply #9 on: December 13, 2012, 12:27:41 PM »
That's just creepy and no you weren't rude at all. I'd categorize that under "Safety trumps etiquette".

Seconded. I'd have been creeped out too, what with the banging.
If wisdom’s ways you wisely seek,
Five things observe with care,
To whom you speak,
Of whom you speak,
And how, and when, and where.
Caroline Lake Ingalls

pearls n purls

  • Member
  • **
  • Posts: 184
Re: People who knock on your door...
« Reply #10 on: December 13, 2012, 12:55:53 PM »
You were fine.  If my husband's not home, I often don't even answer the door if it's a man I don't know/recognize.  He thinks it's silly of me, but I feel that I don't owe solicitors anything. 

bloo

  • Member
  • **
  • Posts: 948
Re: People who knock on your door...
« Reply #11 on: December 13, 2012, 01:14:29 PM »
OP, you were absolutely not rude so please try not to let it bother you one bit. Once you indicated you didn't have time, he should have said nothing more than, 'Sorry to have caught you at a bad time, have a good evening.' It would still have been fine to close the door on him as you were saying this.

And I add this as a member of a religion known for 'door-knocking'. I've been told some variation of 'I'm busy/Get lost' many times. I appreciate it when it's done politely and, honestly 9/10 times, it IS done nicely. On the rarer occasions when people are brusque or outright upset, I still don't feel slighted. I only feel regret that I've caused them to feel either upset or more upset (generally IME persons that are really angry at me appear to have already been angry - I've yet to stumble upon someone with a sweet smile that explodes once they find out what religion I am).

I only referenced religion to share my experience as someone who regularly goes door-to-door. Trust me, OP, you were not rude at all. It would not have been rude to not answer the door at all - even if the gentleman could clearly tell someone's home. A doorbell is like a phone in that just because it rings does not mean you have to answer it.

2doglady

  • Member
  • **
  • Posts: 163
Re: People who knock on your door...
« Reply #12 on: December 13, 2012, 01:15:15 PM »
I have a screen door that I keep locked also.  If someone comes to the door that I don't know, I can talk to them thru the locked screen.  Mostly I tell them that I don't open the door to strangers and then I close and lock the main door.  I don't think I am rude, I don't slam the door on them.
Typical symptoms of stress are: eating too much, impulse buying, and driving too fast.

Are they kidding? Add wine and that is my idea of a perfect day.

Outdoor Girl

  • Super Hero!
  • ****
  • Posts: 12872
Re: People who knock on your door...
« Reply #13 on: December 13, 2012, 01:35:09 PM »
I used to answer the door to whomever rang.  Say, 'Sorry, I'm not interested' and close the door.  Until the day a guy stuck his foot in to prevent me from closing the door.  Whereby I said, 'Remove your foot or I'm calling the cops.'  He did.

Since then, I look out and see who it is.  If I don't recognize them and they look to be over the age of 12, I don't open the door, unless I'm feeling generous.  Even if I've had to turn on the porch light to be able to see who it was.  And with the way my front door is, they've seen my shadow through the window, regardless.
I have CDO.  It is like OCD but with the letters in alphabetical order, as they should be.
Ontario

MrTango

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 2044
Re: People who knock on your door...
« Reply #14 on: December 13, 2012, 01:57:58 PM »
I used to answer the door to whomever rang.  Say, 'Sorry, I'm not interested' and close the door.  Until the day a guy stuck his foot in to prevent me from closing the door.   Whereby I said, 'Remove your foot or I'm calling the cops.'  He did.

There was an incident where a man somehow got into the dorm I lived in and tried to follow a girl into her dorm room (which was a few doors down from mine).  She slammed the door (very heavy, fire-resistant door) closed to keep him out, but he had his foot blocking the door from closing.

When the police arrived, they had to carry the guy out to the ambulance because 3 out of his 5 metatarsals (the bones that make up the arch of the foot) had been shattered.