People who knock on your door...

[jedikaiti]

OP, there was no way you were rude.  I think I would have been uncomfortable in that situation as well.

My late MIL once answered the door to a salesman who was giving away free baking dishes (similar to Corning Ware) if you listened to his speech.  This was the late 1950s/early 1960s.  She politely declined taking the dish through the screen door but the salesman tried opening the door and insisted she take the dish.  She grabbed my FIL's hunting rifle that was next to the door and pointed it at the guy and said "I said no thank you".  She told me she could hear him running all the way down the road.  I really miss her sometimes.

I love that!

When we first moved here 3 years ago we had people trying to convince us to go to their church.  None of them were denominations I was interested in attending simply because, well I know what I like in a service and I knew they didn't do it that way and the church I did attend and the one I do now aren't door to door churches.  Some people were content to just give me their pamphlet and move on while others didn't want to take no for an answer.

Anyway one guy was particularly persistent.  "Come on out to our church, it's good for the kids!"
"No thanks, we don't attend church" (we didn't at the time)
"You must, you need to, don't you boys (my kids had been playing on the porch) want to have fun in church?"
"Mom can we please go!" I looked at the guy and said "No, we don't go to church, and we will not be going to yours."
The guy said "Well we (we being him and another guy) have a van here so you can stay home and we'll pick your boys up and take them to church with us!"

Now let me tell you that sent warning bells off in my head and I told him absolutely not, my children do not go off in vans to churches I don't attend with men I don't know, thank you.  They wouldn't even go off to a church I don't attend with women I don't know.  I still shudder when I think of it.

Some evangelical churches will do that- it's to get a shot at recruiting the kids without their parent's consent.

I would find that really frightening, if I were a parent.

Extremely frightening on so many levels, and possibly cause for Polite Spine to step back and let Mama Bear take over. Not to mention complaints to the church.

[Eden]

To be fair, many churches offer vans and buses usually for kids but sometimes for seniors or the mentally challenged. I've not known any to take kids without their parents' permission. That would be very wrong and I don't think it's common practice.

I think there's a line between persistent and rude. It's a difficult one to navigate, I imagine. And homeowners' tolerance levels are probably all different. I can appreciate the dedication and guts it takes to approach people, but I think you have to go from the vibe you're given. If it's immediate and clear shutdown, you need to give it up.

[MorgnsGrl]

I think there's a line between persistent and rude. It's a difficult one to navigate, I imagine. And homeowners' tolerance levels are probably all different. I can appreciate the dedication and guts it takes to approach people, but I think you have to go from the vibe you're given. If it's immediate and clear shutdown, you need to give it up.

And I think men in particular -- thoughtful, kind men, the sort all us parents should be working hard to raise -- need to be aware of the possible discomfort of women whose doors they are knocking on, after dark.

[jedikaiti]

To be fair, many churches offer vans and buses usually for kids but sometimes for seniors or the mentally challenged. I've not known any to take kids without their parents' permission. That would be very wrong and I don't think it's common practice.

I think there's a line between persistent and rude. It's a difficult one to navigate, I imagine. And homeowners' tolerance levels are probably all different. I can appreciate the dedication and guts it takes to approach people, but I think you have to go from the vibe you're given. If it's immediate and clear shutdown, you need to give it up.

Their persisting and trying to cajole the kids AFTER she said NO is what pushed it over the line for me.

[gramma dishes]

And I think men in particular -- thoughtful, kind men, the sort all us parents should be working hard to raise -- need to be aware of the possible discomfort of women whose doors they are knocking on, after dark.

... or any time!  There is no special safety mechanism that magically pops into place just because it happens to be daytime.

[Drawberry]

And I think men in particular -- thoughtful, kind men, the sort all us parents should be working hard to raise -- need to be aware of the possible discomfort of women whose doors they are knocking on, after dark.

... or any time!  There is no special safety mechanism that magically pops into place just because it happens to be daytime.

Both of these!

I understand a man who may have perfectly innocent intentions feeling offended by a woman possibly having an immediate defense mechanism go up to his unwelcome presence but it needs to be understood why. The reasoning of which is a long discussion not suited to this topic or even this forum as a whole, but it does need to be understood that this is not something a lady is doing to make you feel bad. It's a reaction that's been learned throughout her entire life and reinforced consistently either through personal experience or shared knowledge.

Even if you think you're being super kind and friendly, when the woman you approach (for ANY reason) tells you no (for ANY reason) and you try to push her to saying yes this woman is going to become suspicious of you and fearful of your intentions. Because while you know that you're a nice guy who wouldn't hurt anyone, she does not. Remember that. Only YOU know what your true intentions are and it's your responsibility to ensure that this comes across in a pleasant and safe way, not her's to be welcoming of everyone who steps on her porch.

[Tea Drinker]

*POD* Drawberry.

A genuinely nice guy will take no for an answer. He will accept that a stranger's desire to be left alone trumps his desire to sell them vacuum cleaners, invite them to church, or ask them out for coffee. A decent and informed guy won't jump to take offense, because he doesn't start by assuming that a stranger has to justify her (or his) "no" to a request.

[CaptainObvious]

*POD* Drawberry.

A genuinely nice guy will take no for an answer. He will accept that a stranger's desire to be left alone trumps his desire to sell them vacuum cleaners, invite them to church, or ask them out for coffee. A decent and informed guy won't jump to take offense, because he doesn't start by assuming that a stranger has to justify her (or his) "no" to a request.

The most aggressive salesperson I ever encountered was a woman. She refused to take no for an answer, put her foot inside my home and tried to push her way in.

[Eden]

To be fair, many churches offer vans and buses usually for kids but sometimes for seniors or the mentally challenged. I've not known any to take kids without their parents' permission. That would be very wrong and I don't think it's common practice.

I think there's a line between persistent and rude. It's a difficult one to navigate, I imagine. And homeowners' tolerance levels are probably all different. I can appreciate the dedication and guts it takes to approach people, but I think you have to go from the vibe you're given. If it's immediate and clear shutdown, you need to give it up.

Their persisting and trying to cajole the kids AFTER she said NO is what pushed it over the line for me.

Yes. My response wasn't about this particular story but in general.

[DavidH]

I don't think the intent was to knock evangelicals in particular, but rather anyone who comes to ones door to knock and sell something, provide information, get a donation, or anything of that nature.  Where I live, I either encounter people selling magazines for various unlikely causes or people eager to convert me to another religion.  I haven't seen a Fuller Brush or Elextrolux person since I was a child.

If you don't mind the initial disturbance, the least a polite person should do is take no for an answer and then move on.  I don't know many people who are excited to invite them in, but there must be some or they wouldn't continue. 

A church picking up members in a van to take them to services is great, but I'd assume that was prearranged or it was someone they knew.

Knocking on doors and saying I now know you're not interested in coming with me to church or anyplace else, can I take your kids with me and bring them back afterwards seems like a recipe for problems.  I'm even more amazed that anyone would agree to that. 

[Captain Hastings]

DH once answered the door to the rudest salesman I ever saw. I was holding the dog back (she goes berserk whenever anybody knocks) and DH was waffling through this guy's sales pitch for some kind of home security system. DH has trouble saying no to anybody--and I don't!--so I dragged our barking, lunging, thoroughly-scary-looking pit mix over to the doorway, poked my head out and said "Sorry, not interested, as you can see we've got a pretty great security system right here," and shut the door.

The guy was pissed and yelled at us through the closed door, something about how we weren't safe in our home. Terrible sales tactic, that.

[kherbert05]

OP, there was no way you were rude.  I think I would have been uncomfortable in that situation as well.

My late MIL once answered the door to a salesman who was giving away free baking dishes (similar to Corning Ware) if you listened to his speech.  This was the late 1950s/early 1960s.  She politely declined taking the dish through the screen door but the salesman tried opening the door and insisted she take the dish.  She grabbed my FIL's hunting rifle that was next to the door and pointed it at the guy and said "I said no thank you".  She told me she could hear him running all the way down the road.  I really miss her sometimes.

I love that!

When we first moved here 3 years ago we had people trying to convince us to go to their church.  None of them were denominations I was interested in attending simply because, well I know what I like in a service and I knew they didn't do it that way and the church I did attend and the one I do now aren't door to door churches.  Some people were content to just give me their pamphlet and move on while others didn't want to take no for an answer.

Anyway one guy was particularly persistent.  "Come on out to our church, it's good for the kids!"
"No thanks, we don't attend church" (we didn't at the time)
"You must, you need to, don't you boys (my kids had been playing on the porch) want to have fun in church?"
"Mom can we please go!" I looked at the guy and said "No, we don't go to church, and we will not be going to yours."
The guy said "Well we (we being him and another guy) have a van here so you can stay home and we'll pick your boys up and take them to church with us!"

Now let me tell you that sent warning bells off in my head and I told him absolutely not, my children do not go off in vans to churches I don't attend with men I don't know, thank you.  They wouldn't even go off to a church I don't attend with women I don't know.  I still shudder when I think of it.

Some evangelical churches will do that- it's to get a shot at recruiting the kids without their parent's consent.

I would find that really frightening, if I were a parent.

Mom would not allow us to go to lock ins at churches, because some of the churches would pressure kids to convert, while denying them sleep at these events. Catholic and Jewish kids were particular targets. They didn't consider Catholics to be Christian - would call you an idol worshiper. They believed that if they "saved" a particular number of Jews they would bring about the "end days"


The kids were always telling us how we were going to burn in hell in elementary and JH. Some of them got worse in HS others did a 180 and were the drunks and stoners on campus.