Am I being irrational? Re: in-laws and our dogs (novel length, sorry!)

[TootsNYC]

It sounds to me as if your in-laws are trying to develop a relationship with Baby while young so it goes better with Baby than they feel it did with Stinky.  That's a good thing, not a bad thing, particularly if Father-in-law is a bit uneasy with dogs.  Me, I'd be supporting that.

One thing about this point of view--becoming friendly with Baby may make it easier for your in-laws to be friendlier with Stinky.

And as I've been thinking about it, i think one of the things I'd object to is that if I participated, then they'd essentially be making *me* play favorites, and *I* don't want to do that.

The other thing that bothers me is that I'm very much a "dogs are not kids" person, for all that I love animals.  And I feel like these grandparents are treating Baby much the way they'd treat a kid. So I wouldn't want to participate in that, just because it bothers me.

[MeowMixer]

Beautiful!  Is baby a Mastiff? Because he looks JUST like the one I had growing up. They are both gorgeous!

Thank you! Yes he is an English mastiff, when we first brought him home he was 15 pounds of loose skin and paws, now he's just shy of a hundred and has that gangly teenage look that large breeds get.

Corvid, you do make a good point about wanting to get to know the pup before he becomes full grown. I do get it. Rationally it makes sense... the whole thing still irks the heck out of me though.

StarFaerie... careful what you ask for! 'Stinky' is the nickname that stuck :-p She's also horribly rude too - cuts and runs, then nonchalantly mossies back into the room as if nothing happened... so innocent looking... oh you know what you did!

[yokozbornak]

I'm sorry, I'm going to go against the grain here.  I do think you're overreacting.  A dog is not a child, and I say that as a dog owner who adores her guy, spoils him rotten, and takes him almost everywhere.  I'm well aware, though, that not everyone else will see my dog as do I, and some people have issues with dogs period.  Hey, I don't always like every dog I come across either, no matter how much their owners love them. 

You're offended because your in-laws like one of your dogs and don't care for the other one.  Stinky, however, as you yourself say, doesn't give a flip.  She won't develop any complexes over it.

It sounds to me as if your in-laws are trying to develop a relationship with Baby while young so it goes better with Baby than they feel it did with Stinky.  That's a good thing, not a bad thing, particularly if Father-in-law is a bit uneasy with dogs.  Me, I'd be supporting that.

As far as taking him on the holiday, that decision should be made purely on how much you want to hassle with it.

I agree with this especially the bolded part.

[siamesecat2965]

Beautiful!  Is baby a Mastiff? Because he looks JUST like the one I had growing up. They are both gorgeous!

Thank you! Yes he is an English mastiff, when we first brought him home he was 15 pounds of loose skin and paws, now he's just shy of a hundred and has that gangly teenage look that large breeds get.

Corvid, you do make a good point about wanting to get to know the pup before he becomes full grown. I do get it. Rationally it makes sense... the whole thing still irks the heck out of me though.

StarFaerie... careful what you ask for! 'Stinky' is the nickname that stuck :-p She's also horribly rude too - cuts and runs, then nonchalantly mossies back into the room as if nothing happened... so innocent looking... oh you know what you did!

I KNEW IT!  hahaha - they are both adorable, but I do have a soft spot for big, drooly dogs. Oh, he's going to be a big boy!  but they are such mushes.  The only time mine every "hurt" anyone was if she stepped on your bare foot, and her nails dug in, or if she smacked you with her tail.

[sevenday]

I would be annoyed too if Dog 1 wasn't invited to go to the same places Dog 2 is.  If the in-laws insist/ask that you bring Baby, tell them your concerns... namely that Baby is not as well trained as Stinky in terms of respecting space and property, which is normal because he's still quite young despite his size and is still in training.   Say that you were okay with bringing him for mild training in other locations at their house - which you appreciate - in the past, but Christmas is a busy time and you don't want to have to focus so much on making sure he doesn't disrupt people/things on such a wonderful day.  It would be more peaceful to continue carrying out the training on other days.  However, if they really want a dog there, you can bring Stinky, who HAS been trained and would love the chance to visit the in-laws (because Baby has told her so much about it, maybe?).   Have they even heard Baby bark?  I ask because you say you think they're afraid because she barked at them.   Bark worse than their bite, etc - and they are not, apparently, knowledgable dog owners because any true dog owner knows dogs bark! Especially at the door/doorbell. 

I would also invite them to spend time with BOTH dogs at the same time.  Either invite them to your house, or to a meeting at a neutral location like a park where the dogs can burn off energy and your in-laws can see Stinky away from the scary situation (barking at the door) and interact with them.  That may help them warm up to her a little more. 

My sister would not let me bring my service dog to her house for Christmas Day - for no reason I can think of, since my dog was quite well behaved and followed commands, and just wanted to be with us on a wonderful day.  My parents had no such problems, and would insist that he come when it was held at THEIR house.  I was sad when my sister unilaterally decided for all of us that her house - smaller, less room for entertaining/parking - had to be THE place for Christmas, and all protests were brushed off, and of course my dog could not come.  And then she had the nerve to complain to my mother that I didn't "stay long enough" after presents were opened because I wanted to get HOME to my poor dog left alone.  And then she got a dog and claimed that "two dogs would be too difficult" even though neither one were at all dog aggressive, and had indeed met and enjoyed one another's company (at my parents' house) - I'm still a bit bitter about that.  So I do understand how it feels to have a pet be treated oddly by "family."

[Outdoor Girl]

sevenday, you are a better person than I.  If someone refused to allow my hypothetical service dog in their home, I wouldn't bother visiting any longer!   Family or not. 

[AngelBarchild]

This wouldn't be acceptable if Stinky and Baby were children and I don't see it being acceptable here, either. Toots has a very good summary of the underlying problems.

This is kind of a false comparison as they are not children. I know a lot of people here hold this opinion but for most people it's rather radical way of thinking. It's perfectly fine for people to feel this way about their pets, but you can't expect others to share in your views. I will never personally treat pest like people. In fact I feel you do your pets a disservice when you anthropomorphize them.  I think they deserve and are entitled to be treated as whatever animal they are.