Author Topic: How to prepare your son (or daughter) for the real world  (Read 4391 times)

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RegionMom

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Re: How to prepare your son (or daughter) for the real world
« Reply #45 on: December 16, 2012, 10:52:00 PM »
I taught a good friend of mine how to thread a needle and sew a button.  She was 21 years old and an honor graduate with two degrees, but had mostly book smarts.   ::)

Our kids are now 15 and almost 17, so we have been more lenient on the movies they see now.  I was pretty conservative, but started a couple of years ago with 80's "classic" movies, and had family movie nights.  More cuss words than I remembered, esp. Ferris Bueller's Day Off and Back to the Future!

They also saw several classic Bond movies, and The Blues Brothers.   ;D

Anyway, I know that they will have to choose what entertainment they see and do, and we want them to make wise choices. 

We have to let them be out in the world to see what it is like.  Logical consequences, open communication,   loving support, good doses of laughter, and off we go!
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Sharnita

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Re: How to prepare your son (or daughter) for the real world
« Reply #46 on: December 17, 2012, 08:15:40 AM »
As far as sewing, people will have different levels of ability jusy like swimming.  For a few people no matter how had  or how long they practice swimming it doesn't look or feel natural or comfortable and they might do it well enoguh to save their lives but anybody who looks can tell it isn't their thing.  That is how I am with any type of sewing.Now I can float or swim for hours ...

siamesecat2965

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Re: How to prepare your son (or daughter) for the real world
« Reply #47 on: December 17, 2012, 09:43:26 AM »
As far as sewing, people will have different levels of ability jusy like swimming.  For a few people no matter how had  or how long they practice swimming it doesn't look or feel natural or comfortable and they might do it well enoguh to save their lives but anybody who looks can tell it isn't their thing.  That is how I am with any type of sewing.Now I can float or swim for hours ...

I also think cooking falls into this category. I love to cook, and am pretty good at it. I'm also good at improvising with recopies. But i have friends and family who, no matter how carefully they follow the recipe, just don't ever quite get it.

RebeccainGA

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Re: How to prepare your son (or daughter) for the real world
« Reply #48 on: December 17, 2012, 10:13:18 AM »
My parents were very young, chronologically and developmentally, when I was born: both youngest children of parents that grew up poor and wanted their kids to never have to do any of the work they (the grandparents) had done as children. Mom didn't know how to cook, clean, wash clothes, etc. until I was a toddler - they still don't always have a handle on budgeting and other 'advanced household math'. I was the only 10 year old I knew that could take a grocery list, a small amount of money, and go to the store and shop all by myself. Mom literally just drove there and back - she stayed in the car.

Their 'benign neglect' led me to learn all of it myself. If I wanted laundry done, off to the laundromat downstairs by myself, or with my younger sister. If I wanted dinner, I had to cook it myself, most of the time. By 12 I was making Thanksgiving dinner for the family, by myself. My parents have convenient amnesia about a lot of this stuff, but I remember it vividly.

I wouldn't recommend the curriculum to anyone, but it was shockingly effective.

Seraphia

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Re: How to prepare your son (or daughter) for the real world
« Reply #49 on: December 17, 2012, 10:47:54 AM »
As far as sewing, people will have different levels of ability jusy like swimming.  For a few people no matter how had  or how long they practice swimming it doesn't look or feel natural or comfortable and they might do it well enoguh to save their lives but anybody who looks can tell it isn't their thing.  That is how I am with any type of sewing.Now I can float or swim for hours ...

I think there may be a bit of a correlation there between willingness to experiment and comfort with the skill. I *can* cook, and I even sometimes like to cook. But I hate "wasting" food and I really don't like the idea of making something inedible. So, given the choice between letting my husband whip up some stromboli or me muddling through a recipe for chili for the umpteenth time, I'll let him cook. As a trade-off, I do all the clothing repair. I feel comfortable with a needle and thread, and don't mind a little trial and error there.
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CakeBeret

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Re: How to prepare your son (or daughter) for the real world
« Reply #50 on: December 17, 2012, 11:08:48 AM »
Practical Life Skills:
- (#1) - Think for yourself
- (#2) - Take Responsibility for Your Actions
- swimming
- basic cooking
- changing a baby
- basic sewing (a button, mend a tear)
- make a realistic budget
- balance a checkbook
- change a tire
- drive a stick shift car
- understand a contract
- resolve conflict reasonably
- help an injured person
- shoot a gun / handle a gun safely
- change a lightbulb
- change an outlet or other basic electrical fixure
- present your argument well
- pass a job interview
- deal with rejection
- have a friend
- be a friend
- know when to stop
- plan an invasion (ok, maybe not!)

So, can I print this and make a checklist to keep on my wall? :P An excellent set of standards.
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Judah

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Re: How to prepare your son (or daughter) for the real world
« Reply #51 on: December 17, 2012, 11:24:34 AM »
Practical Life Skills:
- (#1) - Think for yourself
- (#2) - Take Responsibility for Your Actions
- swimming
- basic cooking
- changing a baby
- basic sewing (a button, mend a tear)
- make a realistic budget
- balance a checkbook
- change a tire
- drive a stick shift car
- understand a contract
- resolve conflict reasonably
- help an injured person
- shoot a gun / handle a gun safely
- change a lightbulb
- change an outlet or other basic electrical fixure
- present your argument well
- pass a job interview
- deal with rejection
- have a friend
- be a friend
- know when to stop
- plan an invasion (ok, maybe not!)

This is an excellent list. There are only 2 or 3 my kids need work on.  I'm going to print it out and take it home and get started on the invasion plan.  ;D
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magicdomino

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Re: How to prepare your son (or daughter) for the real world
« Reply #52 on: December 17, 2012, 11:28:27 AM »
Practical Life Skills:
- (#1) - Think for yourself
- (#2) - Take Responsibility for Your Actions
- swimming
- basic cooking
- changing a baby
- basic sewing (a button, mend a tear)
- make a realistic budget
- balance a checkbook
- change a tire
- drive a stick shift car
- understand a contract
- resolve conflict reasonably
- help an injured person
- shoot a gun / handle a gun safely
- change a lightbulb
- change an outlet or other basic electrical fixure
- present your argument well
- pass a job interview
- deal with rejection
- have a friend
- be a friend
- know when to stop
- plan an invasion (ok, maybe not!)

This is an excellent list. There are only 2 or 3 my kids need work on.  I'm going to print it out and take it home and get started on the invasion plan.  ;D

As bonus, knowing how to plan an invasion would also give your children useful planning skills for the Zombie Apocalypse. 

Carotte

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Re: How to prepare your son (or daughter) for the real world
« Reply #53 on: December 17, 2012, 01:16:32 PM »
Just like Sunnygirl said, the best thing is to instill in the kids how to learn, where to look for information, and that it's OK to try and fail, most  likely nothing will explode.

(The "nothing will explode" comes from me trying to teach my mom how to use a computer, I learned to casually use a computer/internet with the help of my older brother who, feed up, told me to 'figure it yourself'. Now I'm trying to teach the same to my mom, that if she would just try and read what it's telling here she would figure it out, but that if she does something wrong nothing will blow up.)

So I'm in the 'teach them safety, go through what they can expect to run into, what consequence of X or Y will be, be sure they know how to handle themself' and they'll be mostly ready to teach themself basic things.

I'd have liked my dad to teach me basic home repairs and stuff like that, but he barely does it himself, whereas my uncle has remodeled countless apartments and houses. Now I'm trying to make my mom undersand that she can do anything she likes if my father doesn't do it (it's not like he doesn't want her to it, he just doesn't care to do it himself), like putting up a piece of furniture or hiring someone to do something. So I would had to the list: don't believe in gender role model, boys can sew and cook, girls can repair stuff and take care of the car. If it's not your forte, and that's OK too, at least know who to contact to do it.

JustCallMePat

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Re: How to prepare your son (or daughter) for the real world
« Reply #54 on: December 17, 2012, 09:52:11 PM »
So, can I print this and make a checklist to keep on my wall? :P An excellent set of standards.

There's a few more I'd add...
- Bring someone into the world
- Comfort someone as they leave this world

I could go on.

But maybe that's more bucket list type of stuff...  ;)


snowflake

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Re: How to prepare your son (or daughter) for the real world
« Reply #55 on: December 18, 2012, 11:20:05 AM »
I second the idea that most of these things don't need to be formally taught.  Right now I think some of the problems stem from parents who don't give their kids opportunity to practice prior to HAVING to do it.

My mother actually had very high expectations of herself as a housewife.  When she was herself, I would come home to homemade bread, folded laundry, and someone to supervise and help with my homework.  If she hadn't had her long periods of depression where she couldn't function, I probably would have gone off to college unable to do anything for myself.

I think sometimes there are huge expectations put on parents.  Where if you don't do lots and lots for them than you are negligent and a slacker.  Sometimes it's easy to forget that the whole point of parenting is not about you "doing it right" but them getting something out of it.

Winterlight

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Re: How to prepare your son (or daughter) for the real world
« Reply #56 on: December 18, 2012, 04:57:09 PM »
"A human being should be able to change a diaper, plan an invasion, butcher a hog, conn a ship, design a building, write a sonnet, balance accounts, build a wall, set a bone, comfort the dying, take orders, give orders, cooperate, act alone, solve equations, analyze a new problem, pitch manure, program a computer, cook a tasty meal, fight efficiently, die gallantly. Specialization is for insects."
— Robert Heinlein, Time Enough for Love
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Five things observe with care,
To whom you speak,
Of whom you speak,
And how, and when, and where.
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Re: How to prepare your son (or daughter) for the real world
« Reply #57 on: December 18, 2012, 08:39:42 PM »
"A human being should be able to change a diaper, plan an invasion, butcher a hog, conn a ship, design a building, write a sonnet, balance accounts, build a wall, set a bone, comfort the dying, take orders, give orders, cooperate, act alone, solve equations, analyze a new problem, pitch manure, program a computer, cook a tasty meal, fight efficiently, die gallantly. Specialization is for insects."
— Robert Heinlein, Time Enough for Love

Wow that's a cool quote but I don't know anyone who can do ALL of that (I was doing okay up to the hog buchering :P)...

I was also thinking, based on my recent experiences as a new homeowner, that if you do not know how to do something - you had better be able to find someone else who can! ;D

*Woe betide the individual who can neither cook...nor operate their microwave (or phone as the case may be). ::) ;D
"... for there is nothing either good or bad, but thinking makes it so."
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JustCallMePat

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Re: How to prepare your son (or daughter) for the real world
« Reply #58 on: December 19, 2012, 04:30:28 PM »
"A human being should be able to change a diaper, plan an invasion, butcher a hog, conn a ship, design a building, write a sonnet, balance accounts, build a wall, set a bone, comfort the dying, take orders, give orders, cooperate, act alone, solve equations, analyze a new problem, pitch manure, program a computer, cook a tasty meal, fight efficiently, die gallantly. Specialization is for insects."
— Robert Heinlein, Time Enough for Love

My favorite author and philosopher!!   ;D

JennJenn68

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Re: How to prepare your son (or daughter) for the real world
« Reply #59 on: December 19, 2012, 04:57:48 PM »
"A human being should be able to change a diaper, plan an invasion, butcher a hog, conn a ship, design a building, write a sonnet, balance accounts, build a wall, set a bone, comfort the dying, take orders, give orders, cooperate, act alone, solve equations, analyze a new problem, pitch manure, program a computer, cook a tasty meal, fight efficiently, die gallantly. Specialization is for insects."
— Robert Heinlein, Time Enough for Love


For the record, I don't think that Heinlein himself was able to perform all of the above actions, although probably about 90% of them.  My biggest problem with Heinlein?  The constant subtext all through his work on what does and does not constitute good parenting... Since he never actually had children himself, all of his statements are completely subjective.  (I, too, did my best parenting before I had a child.)

Nevertheless, I am trying to raise my son to believe the ultimate Heinleinism--"TANSTAAFL".  ("There Ain't No Such Thing As A Free Lunch.")

Actually, more adults should live by that particular belief.  It really does describe the real world.