Author Topic: "Do you have something to tell me?" - pregnancy questions from nosey people  (Read 4300 times)

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caterlaw

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Background: DH and I are VERY newly pregnant (7 weeks).  We are thrilled but cautious.  It's our first and it's very early, so for various reasons we are keeping it under wraps.  Keeping this a secret from coworkers has been very hard, particularly with our crazy schedule of work parties and holiday happy hours.

Yesterday, DH had the following encounter with a female supervisor (FS) in his office. 

FS.: Do you have something you want to tell me?

DH:  No.

FS: What about if I guess?

DH: No. *walks away*

I tend to think that polite conversation doesn't include discussions of religion, politics or pregnancy, so I was pretty annoyed she even asked.  I am really proud of DH for shutting her down. 

My question is this: we are attending a going away party tonight for a friend who is leaving DH's office and I know FS will be there.  While I am friendly with her, we are not friends by any means and she is certainly not within the inner circle of persons who will know about the bump before 13 weeks is up.  What do I say if she questions me?  (If she tries what she did to DH, the answer will obviously be "no" *walk away*).   I have a feeling she will pull me aside tonight to grill me and want to have an e-hell approved response ready to go. 

Thanks!

BeagleMommy

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If she asks "Do you have something to tell me?" do as your DH did and reply "No" and walk away.  If she outright asks if you're pregnant try "Why do you want to know?".  Put the onus on her to justify her personal question.

Congratulations on the impending bundle.

caterlaw

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Thanks!  We're in that weird limbo of being apprehensive and wanting to shout it from the rooftops. 

I like turning her question on her.  I am concerned about getting the phrasing right because she is a supervisor in DH's office (although not his direct supervisor) so I don't want to make a bad situation worse by letting hormones get the best of me. 

WillyNilly

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I'd be tempted to smile and say "oh you heard?  Yeah we are SO excited [to get the new roof installed/for the season finale of Homeland/about my promotion/whatever]!" Go one for a sentence or two on the topic then say "and what about you, what new in your life?" The best defense is a good offense.

Also may I recommend a camouflage drink?  You shouldn't have to have one, but really its just easier sometimes to use one.  Basically get a beverage that looks alcoholic - sprite or seltzer with a lime wedge, or cranberry & seltzer with a lime wedge, or have them put a cherry in your coke/diet coke instead of lemon, ask for ice water or cranberry juice in a wine glass, etc.

PastryGoddess

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Even if she is a supervisor, she has no right to any info about your personal life, so you're good

bah12

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Do you and your DH work together?  I'm trying to figure out how a supervisor of his would even have a remote clue that you might be pregnant.  Are you certain that the "something" was your pregnancy and not something else entirely?

I agree that if she is hinting at being told about your growing family, then a simple "no" is all the answer that is needed. I'd be tempted, however, to figure out what she's talking about.  Something like: "Do you have something to tell me?"  "I'm not sure, what do you mean?"

But if she corners you then do what you DH did and walk away.

Tabby Uprising

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I'd be tempted to smile and say "oh you heard?  Yeah we are SO excited [to get the new roof installed/for the season finale of Homeland/about my promotion/whatever]!" Go one for a sentence or two on the topic then say "and what about you, what new in your life?" The best defense is a good offense.

Also may I recommend a camouflage drink?  You shouldn't have to have one, but really its just easier sometimes to use one.  Basically get a beverage that looks alcoholic - sprite or seltzer with a lime wedge, or cranberry & seltzer with a lime wedge, or have them put a cherry in your coke/diet coke instead of lemon, ask for ice water or cranberry juice in a wine glass, etc.

I love everything about this advice! 

Honeypickle

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I was puzzled too like Bah above as to how your husband's superviser would have any idea that you were pregnant - unless you work together or he has shared a lot with this colleagues about you trying to get pregnant??

I really wouldn't get too worried about this. It sounds like your DH was very abrupt and shut down the line of questioning so I doubt she'll ask again. If she does, just smile and say something along the lines of "No news to report" - which is true, you don't want to report it yet!

However, if your DH has been sharing info about you two trying to conceive, you can't really blame a friendly colleague asking if there's any news to report!

whatsanenigma

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I'd be tempted to smile and say "oh you heard?  Yeah we are SO excited [to get the new roof installed/for the season finale of Homeland/about my promotion/whatever]!" Go one for a sentence or two on the topic then say "and what about you, what new in your life?" The best defense is a good offense.

Also may I recommend a camouflage drink?  You shouldn't have to have one, but really its just easier sometimes to use one.  Basically get a beverage that looks alcoholic - sprite or seltzer with a lime wedge, or cranberry & seltzer with a lime wedge, or have them put a cherry in your coke/diet coke instead of lemon, ask for ice water or cranberry juice in a wine glass, etc.

I love everything about this advice!

I agree. I would go with this myself.

Sharnita

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"Do you have something to tell me?"

"Oh wow, I guess so - excuse me. My wife said they were silent but deadly."

PastryGoddess

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Re: "Do you have something to tell me?" - pregnancy questions from nosey people
« Reply #10 on: December 14, 2012, 05:13:58 PM »
"Do you have something to tell me?"

"Oh wow, I guess so - excuse me. My wife said they were silent but deadly."

The kid in me just fell out laughing :D

rose red

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Re: "Do you have something to tell me?" - pregnancy questions from nosey people
« Reply #11 on: December 14, 2012, 05:16:58 PM »
Do you and your DH work together?  I'm trying to figure out how a supervisor of his would even have a remote clue that you might be pregnant.  Are you certain that the "something" was your pregnancy and not something else entirely?

I was wondering the same thing. 

Sharnita

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Re: "Do you have something to tell me?" - pregnancy questions from nosey people
« Reply #12 on: December 14, 2012, 05:17:16 PM »
"Do you have something to tell me?"

"Oh wow, I guess so - excuse me. My wife said they were silent but deadly."

The kid in me just fell out laughing :D

The bonus is OP could use her own version of this - and then LS will rpobably keep her distance.

Shoo

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Re: "Do you have something to tell me?" - pregnancy questions from nosey people
« Reply #13 on: December 14, 2012, 05:23:31 PM »
"Do you have something to tell me?" is a very WEIRD thing to just ask someone out of the blue.  How would your husband's supervisor have any idea you are pregnant?  Has your husband been talking about it at work?  This isn't something someone just "guesses" for no reason.

caterlaw

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Re: "Do you have something to tell me?" - pregnancy questions from nosey people
« Reply #14 on: December 14, 2012, 07:05:47 PM »
Luckily, I didn't see her at the going away party tonight.  *Whew!  Awkward convo dodged, for now.

We don't work in the same office, but in the same field. At my old job I had a lot of professional contact with people in his office (and vice versa). Also, we play on his office's intramural kickball team. As a result, I'm very close with a lot of people he works with.  His office is also very happy hour friendly, so I usually see the same group on Fridays if we decide to stop by. 

Neither DH or myself have told anyone we were TTC.  Our parents don't even know we're pregnant, we're telling them in person at Christmas.

I have been doing the camouflaged drink!  It's great advice.  Soda and cranberry with a lime for me.  I wonder if she heard me order it once or something?  Neither DH not I have had any news lately, so we automatically went to the "she thinks we're pregnant".