Just curious to hear some opinions about RSVPs and "adult" children who still live at home.
Background: We have a son (I'll call him "Ron") who graduated from high school in June but who still lives at home while he waits for a place to open up for him in a job training program in another state. (He has been accepted into this program, so we know he will go at some point in the coming months, but the start date keeps shifting. Yes this is a reputable program; one of the date shifts was because of a paperwork error our son himself made. I'm trying to stay anonymous by not giving many details.)
Question: Some long-time adult friends of our family have invited us and all of our children to attend a ceremony honoring their teenage son. There is a catered supper after the ceremony, and of course they will need to know how many people are coming for the caterer. Ron says he wants to attend with us and his brothers.
I'm happy to have Ron come along - except I'm a little worried that he will change his mind at the last minute and be a no-show. If I pass along Ron's name as wanting to attend, and if I gently remind Ron that once the hosts give the caterers a head count it would be rude for Ron to not show up, have I done my duty as far as etiquette is concerned?
The reason I ask at all is that Ron has developed the habit of telling us that he'll have certain meals here or do certain things with us, and then he will just "not show up" (and not call) when we have expected him. My wife thinks that is perfectly fine. She is glad for Ron to have friends his age to do things with and thinks it is far more important for him to do things with his friends than to keep his word to show up to do things with us. I'm glad he has friends, too, but it hurts my feelings a bit, for example, when I ask him if he'll have supper with us, he says yes, so I go to extra work to cook a meal he likes, and then he just doesn't show up - and usually doesn't call, either. I've learned since his graduation to not count on him keeping his word about plans, as he seems to feel free to accept a "better offer" if one comes along. Ron does this roughly once or twice a week. (My wife thinks I'm being silly and she has absolutely no problem with Ron not showing up when he has promised to.)
OK, the reason I'm asking today is that it would not surprise me one bit if Ron is a no-show to our friends' son's ceremony and dinner, if one of Ron's friends suggests a "better offer" at the last minute. If Ron is a no-show, does that reflect badly on anyone else besides Ron?
(Yes, I know I'm asking about something that hasn't even happened yet, but I am curious to hear opinions. Thank you!)