Inappropriate noise from neighbors

[lynnetteleigh]

BG: I live in a duplex, meaning one wall of my home is shared with my neighbors. The occupants are a Man and Wife and Adult Daughter(AD).

I have been in this house for over a year now and have rarely heard any noise from the neighbors. Also I have a 4 year old stepson whose bedroom uses this shared wall.

Problem: The past month there has been an increase in what I consider inappropriate noise.

Event 1: Man and Wife are out of town. AD decides to throw a party. At 3am I awake in a state of panic from hearing voices in my house. I sit up in bed, hand on DH's chest ready to wake him because I think we have intruders. After waking up a bit more I realize that it isn't people in my house, it's just people talking extremely loud next-door. Loud enough to sound like they are at the bottom of my stairs. I put my ear to the wall to confirm and hear what sounds like group scrabble going on next door. It took me a couple hours to fall back asleep just because of the adrenaline rush.

The next morning my DH sends a message to AD to let her know that her party the previous night was so loud that it woke me up and made me think the house was being broke into(we do not live in the best of neighborhoods). She responds that she had a couple friends over to play card games. No apology. However it doesn't happen again during Man and Wife's vacation so I figure she got the point of the message.

Event 2(ongoing): I don't work on Mondays and Fridays, Man and Wife do. The past couple weeks it appears that AD is letting out the family dogs and leaving them out the entire day. At 8am. They are not quiet dogs. The past few weeks I have heard growling and barking starting at 8am for about 5 minutes on, 10 minutes off. Their deck is pretty much right outside my bedroom window. Also if I let my dog out she barks through the fence at them. Meaning I cannot let my dog out in the yard for more than a few minutes without her making excessive noise.

Event 3: This morning when the dogs went on their 10 minutes of quiet I start hearing excessive noise through the wall. The sounds are unmistakable. It's AD and her boyfriend playing scrabble and vocalizing it at very loud volumes.

My question is how is the best way to address this? I am on pretty good terms with the Man and Wife. However I do not want to go over there and go "I need to speak with AD about her excessive noise".

Would it be acceptable to send her a facebook message saying something about her bedroom activities being so loud that me and my stepson could hear? This is the 2nd time I've been forced to listen to this. And since my stepson shares a wall I'm pretty sure

But then I'm not sure if this need to be a 2 part thing because the dogs belong to the Man and Wife. And they may not be aware that are being left out all day, or that they bark and growl nonstop when they are.

HELP

[Shoo]

I know you said the daughter is an adult, but if it were me, I'd go straight to her parents and complain about the noise their daughter makes when they aren't home.  You know you're not going to get anywhere just going to the daughter, so go over her head to her parents.  It's their names (most likely) on the lease, and they are the ones ultimately responsible for anything that goes on in their home.

[atirial]

The daughter may be an adult, but if the dogs belong to her parents and are only being let out all day when they aren't there, I would speak to them about it.

[cicero]

I would mention it to the parents, in a "you may not be aware but noise carries pretty strongly and..." kind of way.

I wouldn't mention to daugther at all, just "the dogs were out all day and they are barking", "there was a party on X date and it went on till Y o'clock".

as for the last incident - sounds like AD and her BF were doing that on purpose...

[YummyMummy66]

If you can hear the adult daughter and her boyfriend making "scrabble" noises, I would have no problem banging on the wall and by doing so, they know they can be heard.    Or have your stepson say loud enough that they can hear, "Mom, or whatever he calls you, what is that crazy noise next door?".

As far as hearing noise in the middle of the night re: card games or whtever, not much you can really do.  This has been discussed before and if you share a place with thin walls, this is life.  You must figure out ways of soundproofing.

As for the dogs, I would be talking to mom and dad.

[camlan]

If you can hear the adult daughter and her boyfriend making "scrabble" noises, I would have no problem banging on the wall and by doing so, they know they can be heard.    Or have your stepson say loud enough that they can hear, "Mom, or whatever he calls you, what is that crazy noise next door?".

As far as hearing noise in the middle of the night re: card games or whtever, not much you can really do.  This has been discussed before and if you share a place with thin walls, this is life.  You must figure out ways of soundproofing.

As for the dogs, I would be talking to mom and dad.

In most shared living situations, like this one, I think it is perfectly acceptable to ask the neighbors to reduce/lower/eliminate noise during certain hours, like at night when everyone else is sleeping. The neighbors can stop the activity, move it to another room, or take steps to cut down on the noise. This is for non-essential activity. If they are walking to the bathroom and flushing the toilet at 3 am, or taking a shower at 5 am because they have to leave for work at 5:30, there's probably not much you can do. But if they are watching DVDs, playing games, that sort of thing, then you can ask them to quiet things down.

Then, when they don't, you take steps to reduce the impact of their noise on your life--earplugs, white noise machines, soundproofing.

Then, if that isn't enough, you go back to the neighbors, explain what you've done and ask them for a little cooperation. If you are renting, you can also take the issue to the landlord.

Then you just hope that they don't retaliate by making even more noise.

But if you can complain about a loud party with next door neighbors if you are living in a neighborhood of single family homes, you can certainly complain about loud parties with neighbors who share a wall.

[Virg]

The problem you're going to have with all of this is that you've got a mix of reasonable and not reasonable complaints, and mixing them is going to interfere with solving the problem.  I'll address them in order of presentation.

The first issue created a reasonable complaint, in that they should not be making any sort of noise sufficient to wake the neighbors at three in the morning.  You brought that up and it didn't recur so I consider that done well on both sides.

The second issue is partially reasonable and partially not.  If the dogs outside are barking excessively then it's reasonable to ask AD or Man and Wife to do something to stop it.  Confronting them with the fact that your dog barks through the fence at their dogs in their yard, however, isn't reasonable because that's your problem to solve.  They have as much right to put their dogs in their yard as you do in yours, and moreover they can reasonably expect you to stop your dog from barking through the fence.

The third issue isn't reasonable, in my opinion.  Your complaint is that they were making audible "inappropriate" noises during the day, and trying to spin it as an offense because your stepson can hear isn't going to gain you any traction.  You can ask them to keep it down, but you must ask and you must do it politely because hearing the neighbors is just part of living in an apartment and their particular choice of action isn't intrinsically rude just because you find it inappropriate for scrabble to be audible.

So, in your place I'd address the dogs and the noise to AD in a polite manner, as well as looking into ways to deal with it myself like adding soundproofing, and I'd look into training my dog not to bark at the neighbor dogs when he's outside.  If their dogs continue to bark all day you can step up to talking to Man and Wife about it, and if necessary after that with the authorities.

Virg

[Lynn2000]

I think Virg has a good breakdown of the situation.

Believe me, I do not care to listen to my neighbors playing scrabble all night just inches away from my head on the other side of our shared wall (built-in furniture that can't be moved, also!). But, I think it's their right to do it. My first step would be to let them know that I can hear them, in case they voluntarily want to change their habits after knowing that. After that, I figure it's on me to play music, invest in soundproofing, etc. to reduce the noise. I love my white noise machine, by the way.

One thing I'm not sure about--are these quite new developments? Maybe something has changed in their situation recently? I would approach the neighbors about the party and dog noise right away, before it becomes a habit that is difficult for them to change.

[MrTango]

I agree with other posters: go to the parents.  They own the home.  If this were a situation where the house was a rental, it would be appropriate to go to the landlord.

Also, if I got woken up at 3:00am by any sort of loud noise coming from the neighbors' house, I'd call the police.  That's ridiculous.

[lynnetteleigh]

Thanks all.

These are all new developments. I've been in this house for over a year and all the noise problems have started in the past few months(when they got the new dog and their daughter moved back in). For the most part I do not hear anything through this wall. Normal conversations cannot be heard. The only time I hear voices is when they are screaming at football games. Which is why being able to hear scrabble noises is not appropriate in my mind because the volume was extremely excessive. I will be banging on the wall the next time that occurs.

This past friday/weekend I didn't hear any early morning dog noise so they may have realized how much noise the dog was making or someone else complained. I will be approaching the Man and Wife(who own) about the dog noise if it continues.

The dog noise is so audible because our bedroom window overlooks their porch/backyard which means it pretty much sounds like the dog is in the room with me.

[MrTango]

Thanks all.

These are all new developments. I've been in this house for over a year and all the noise problems have started in the past few months(when they got the new dog and their daughter moved back in). For the most part I do not hear anything through this wall. Normal conversations cannot be heard. The only time I hear voices is when they are screaming at football games. Which is why being able to hear scrabble noises is not appropriate in my mind because the volume was extremely excessive. I will be banging on the wall the next time that occurs.

This past friday/weekend I didn't hear any early morning dog noise so they may have realized how much noise the dog was making or someone else complained. I will be approaching the Man and Wife(who own) about the dog noise if it continues.

The dog noise is so audible because our bedroom window overlooks their porch/backyard which means it pretty much sounds like the dog is in the room with me.

Don't bother.  It won't do any good.  Just call the cops or her parents (the homeowners) and let them deal with it.

[TurtleDove]

I agree with Virg.

I wouldn't make this about "scrabble" noise but rather loud noise, if it really is that loud.  It does seem the late night noise has been adressed.  I would let the couple and the daughter know the noise is bothering you (they may not be aware you can hear them) but unfortunately, noise is a part of shared living.

[LeveeWoman]

Thanks all.

These are all new developments. I've been in this house for over a year and all the noise problems have started in the past few months(when they got the new dog and their daughter moved back in). For the most part I do not hear anything through this wall. Normal conversations cannot be heard. The only time I hear voices is when they are screaming at football games. Which is why being able to hear scrabble noises is not appropriate in my mind because the volume was extremely excessive. I will be banging on the wall the next time that occurs.

This past friday/weekend I didn't hear any early morning dog noise so they may have realized how much noise the dog was making or someone else complained. I will be approaching the Man and Wife(who own) about the dog noise if it continues.

The dog noise is so audible because our bedroom window overlooks their porch/backyard which means it pretty much sounds like the dog is in the room with me.

Don't bother.  It won't do any good.  Just call the cops or her parents (the homeowners) and let them deal with it.

Calling anyone at the moment won't stop the noise, but banging  on the wall will do just that.

[MrTango]

Thanks all.

These are all new developments. I've been in this house for over a year and all the noise problems have started in the past few months(when they got the new dog and their daughter moved back in). For the most part I do not hear anything through this wall. Normal conversations cannot be heard. The only time I hear voices is when they are screaming at football games. Which is why being able to hear scrabble noises is not appropriate in my mind because the volume was extremely excessive. I will be banging on the wall the next time that occurs.

This past friday/weekend I didn't hear any early morning dog noise so they may have realized how much noise the dog was making or someone else complained. I will be approaching the Man and Wife(who own) about the dog noise if it continues.

The dog noise is so audible because our bedroom window overlooks their porch/backyard which means it pretty much sounds like the dog is in the room with me.

Don't bother.  It won't do any good.  Just call the cops or her parents (the homeowners) and let them deal with it.

Calling anyone at the moment won't stop the noise, but banging  on the wall will do just that.

Not necessarily.  I've known people to intentionally get louder in response to banging.

[TurtleDove]

Not necessarily.  I've known people to intentionally get louder in response to banging.

Unless and until this happens, I think it's over the top to call the police, who have better things to do and who would likely ask, "Did you ask the neighbors to keep it down?"