Don't you know your own name?

[phred246]

My big problem is that I prefer to go by my nickname (given to me by my older sister when she was three). Many people make it two syllables, think phreddy, when it should be phred. I try to correct things early, and usually succeed.

[TylerBelle]

P.S. oh, by the way, you misspelt "Smith"! Don't forget the "S" next time!

It makes me giggle at the presumptuousness of people as this who think they know more about you than you do. Telling someone they misspelled their own name, and chiding them to not do so again, that's charming.

I knew a girl from school named Chris. She'd often get asked if it was short for Christine, Christy, etc., but no, just Chris. She said her dad had the foresight that probably everyone would end up calling her Chris anyhow if her name was extended, so they went ahead and named her so.

[StuffedGrapeLeaves]

Ah, this drives me bonkers.  I get a lot of questions about whether I was sure my name is spelled correctly, too.  I have said, "Are you saying that I don't know my own name?" which usually works. 

[camlan]

The fact that people question the just Mary thing surprises me.  Do you suppose they want to be sure you aren't trying to simplify it for them?  As in "I'll just tell people to call me Mary since they flub various longer versions" Like they wasnt to be sure "Sue" is really just "Sue" and not giving up over Susan/Suzanne frustration?

Sadly, it doesn't surprise me at all.

In real life, my name is Mary. Middle name is Ann. So it looks like Mary Ann.

Everyone reading my name from a list calls me Maryann. You don't automatically call Elizabeth Ann by both names, do you? or Catherine Ann, or Lulinda Ann or Barbara Ann?

Nope. Just the Mary Anns of the world. When I correct people, "Please call me Mary," they get all huffy and protest that my name is Maryann. I even had a teacher, who had the correct spelling on her class list, write my name as Marianne.

It's to the point where I do not write my middle name out unless it is absolutely necessary--like on a legal document, or my driver's license. I just use the initial.

So I can easily see, from my experience on the other side of the issue, why someone with a name like "Mary" gets questioned about it a lot.

As for my last name, I am now the proud possessor of a library card with my last name misspelled on it. You see, there are two different ways of spelling my last name. The nice woman who was giving me my library card has the same last name as me, but with the different spelling. Guess what she did? Yep, she used her spelling and not mine on the card.

We both got a good chuckle out of that. It will get changed next week, when the only person with authority to change the computer records is back at work. (They still let me check out books, so there's no reason for me to be upset. Perfectly understandable little mistake.)

[jedikaiti]

My DF has a very common first name with a slight spelling variation I have never seen anywhere else. Very slight difference - as in one vowel is switched.

His old driver's license had been misspelled, and I don't know why he didn't get it fixed right away. Possibly, he didn't think it was that big a deal. When renewal time came, however, it was. The DMV would NOT renew it because the spelling didn't match the spelling on his birth certificate. After quite some time and visits to several different DMV offices, I think he finally gave up, took the test, and got a whole new license.

[Jaelle]

In some cases ... I wonder if the "I know your name better than you!" thing isn't, in part, a backlash reaction to how much more common unusually spelled names seem to be these days.

My cousin chose to name her daughter a relatively common name with an, err, unique spelling. Think  ... oh, Emmilee instead of Emily. Cue lots of behind-doors eye-rolling from my parents and DH (who would never dream of exactly saying anything to her, but were rather appalled) ... and apparently not-so-behind-doors comments from others, because I've seen people post "When are you going to start spelling that baby's name right?" on Facebook. (Usually followed by "LOL!" But still.)

So I could see some of these comments (on first names, anyway) being a PA move by those who think names need to be more traditional. Not that it makes them less rude! But it makes more sense than people honestly believing you don't know how to spell your own name.

[Mental Magpie]

In some cases ... I wonder if the "I know your name better than you!" thing isn't, in part, a backlash reaction to how much more common unusually spelled names seem to be these days.

My cousin chose to name her daughter a relatively common name with an, err, unique spelling. Think  ... oh, Emmilee instead of Emily. Cue lots of behind-doors eye-rolling from my parents and DH (who would never dream of exactly saying anything to her, but were rather appalled) ... and apparently not-so-behind-doors comments from others, because I've seen people post "When are you going to start spelling that baby's name right?" on Facebook. (Usually followed by "LOL!" But still.)

So I could see some of these comments (on first names, anyway) being a PA move by those who think names need to be more traditional. Not that it makes them less rude! But it makes more sense than people honestly believing you don't know how to spell your own name.

Regarding the comments you've seen on Facebook followed by "LOL!"...I do things like that to my BFF all of the time.  She'll tell me about something that exasperates her, then I'll go out of my way to do it to her, making sure she knows I'm teasing, and we laugh about it together.  She does the exact same thing to me.  Maybe that's why people are doing that on your cousin's Facebook wall rather than being PA.


I get both of my names misspelled a lot.  I would be absolutely floored if someone accused me of spelling my own name incorrectly.  I would probably wind up being icy in a bid not to be sarcastic (which is my default, but I'm working on that).  It's like when people tell me that my last name isn't of German origin (it very clearly is...think someone saying Sauer is just a misspelling of Sawyer and that it is really an English name rather than a German one).  Really?  My grandpa never realized he wasn't from Germany but rather England and that he had been speaking English all of that time?!  Yeah, that's how I used to react (and not just in my head).  I think "What an interesting assumption" is a perfect response to keep me from being rude.

[BeautifulDisaster]

My first name is Michaela. I work in customer service over the phone. I get lots of comments about how that's not how my name is spelled (and lots of mispronunciations when customers call back and can't remember how to pronounce it).

I think my absolute favorite was the women who kept calling to speak to Uber Boss. Uber Boss was always busy when she called, and I always told her she was more then welcome to leave a voicemail. She never did. Just tried to get out of me when he would be in the office and not in a meeting. I kept telling her I wasn't sure as he was a very busy man but she was more then welcome to leave a voicemail and he would call her back. She never left one.

So one day she calls and gets frustrated with me not allowing her to speak to him (because he wasn't THERE) and demands to know if he had a secretary. By that point I had already had a conversation with Uber boss about the woman and determined we weren't interested in what she was trying to speak to him about. This is how the conversation wen.

Me: I am his secretary, how can I help you?
Her: Oh, well *insert sales pitch here for a service we had considered using but decided against two weeks prior*
Me: That won't be something we're interested in as we have decided to handle it ourselves.
Her: Oh. *flustered* Well can I get your name please?
Me: It's Michaela
Her: How is that spelled?
Me: Michael with an A on the end.
Her: Oh *laughs* Were your parents expecting a BOY?
Me: *icily* No. They were not. Have a good day. *hangs up*

I'm named after a (FEMALE) friend of my mother's who was murdered just a couple of months before I was born. And in actuality, my parents weren't expecting me to LIVE.

[Goodness]

The assumptions about names can actually be helpful in weeding out those who pretend they know you -- usually telemarketers -- from those who really do. My father's name was Jack. That wasn't a nickname; his name was Jack. And his last name was Holman. This caused no end of confusion. When he got a (frequent) call from someone asking for "John Coleman" he'd just say "Since you obviously don't know my name, I see no reason to talk to you." And he'd hang up.

[emwithme]

The assumptions about names can actually be helpful in weeding out those who pretend they know you -- usually telemarketers -- from those who really do. My father's name was Jack. That wasn't a nickname; his name was Jack. And his last name was Holman. This caused no end of confusion. When he got a (frequent) call from someone asking for "John Coleman" he'd just say "Since you obviously don't know my name, I see no reason to talk to you." And he'd hang up.

My BFF has a relatively difficult to pronounce* surname.  Over the years, she's had some real howlers come back at her.  She accepts that people may not get it totally right in the first instance but once she's dealt with someone, she would hope they would realise the (simple) method for getting it right. 

If telemarketers call, we can tell whether they're "cold calling" because they generally have no clue on how to pronounce it.  She then takes appropriate action (there are many occasions when she's been "out" even when she's answering the phone herself!)

*It's of French origin.  It's so rare in the UK (and, indeed, the world) that if you have this surname, you're related to her!

[Bottlecaps]

I get this as well. My last name (of German descent) is a homonym with a word in the English language. People will try and spell it out, and when I politely correct them, a few have had the audacity to ask, "Are you sure?" Oh no, I've only been saying it since I was two and writing it since I was five, but I truly have no bleeping idea how to spell it.  Of course, that is not an Etiquette Hell-approved response, so I grin and bear it and simply say, "Yes, I'm sure."

[mstigerlily]

The assumptions about names can actually be helpful in weeding out those who pretend they know you -- usually telemarketers -- from those who really do. My father's name was Jack. That wasn't a nickname; his name was Jack. And his last name was Holman. This caused no end of confusion. When he got a (frequent) call from someone asking for "John Coleman" he'd just say "Since you obviously don't know my name, I see no reason to talk to you." And he'd hang up.

My aunt does something like that. Her birth name is "Sue Smith". After her divorce several decades ago she returned to being "Sue Smith". So now whenever she gets calls for Mrs. Smith, she just says that they have the wrong number....

[Kaymyth]

This has been happening to me at work on a near-weekly basis:

Me (answering phone):  "Thank you for calling <company>, this is Rosemary, how can I help you?"
Them:  "Hi, Rose, <blahblahblah>."

People. Just. Don't. LISTEN.  Every time it happens I want to reach through the phone and strangle people.  My name is NOT Rose.  It is indeed a perfectly good name, but it does not belong to me.

[MrTango]

LadyTango and I are currently in the process of buying a house, and as a result we have had to provide our last name to quite a number of different people/organizations.

LadyTango mentioned to me that when providing our last name, she spells it first, then pronounces it.

Our last name is similar to a well-known regional corporation, but with an extra letter (that is barely pronounced).

[Calistoga]

In my extended family, we have someone who is just Jimmy and someone who is just Billy. Not James and William. No one believes this.

It honestly takes a lot of audacity to argue with someone about their own name. You might try a bit of role reversal on them. "Oh, your name is Susan? Are you sure it's not short for Susanna?".

But the more polite way would be a firm "Yes, I'm sure." Repeated until they get the point.

For comedic effect "I suppose it's possible my parents have been lying to me for the last 20 years and they named me Mary Louise, but they seem like such nice people I think we'll give them the benefit of the doubt."