Author Topic: Help...My husband won't go to his brother's wedding if our kids aren't invited!  (Read 25094 times)

0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.

Venus193

  • Super Hero!
  • ****
  • Posts: 15852
  • Backstage passes are wonderful things!
And that is where I scratch my head.  If you want an adult-only wedding and reception, then all children are excluded.

Had I ever gotten married it would have been an adult-only affair, which would also have meant no children in the bridal party.

Sharnita

  • Super Hero!
  • ****
  • Posts: 21375
And that is where I scratch my head.  If you want an adult-only wedding and reception, then all children are excluded.

Had I ever gotten married it would have been an adult-only affair, which would also have meant no children in the bridal party.

The one I really don't get is the kids in the wedding party but then sent away so the adults can enjoy their adult only reception.

Tilt Fairy

  • Member
  • **
  • Posts: 632
And that is where I scratch my head.  If you want an adult-only wedding and reception, then all children are excluded.

Had I ever gotten married it would have been an adult-only affair, which would also have meant no children in the bridal party.

The one I really don't get is the kids in the wedding party but then sent away so the adults can enjoy their adult only reception.

Agree to both. I never think it's nice when people invited to the wedding aren't invited to the reception. It should be an all or nothing. That's terribly unfair on the guests at the wedding. Like Venus, I also want an adult only affair which would mean not a single child anywhere in the bridal party either.

POF

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 2633
I also think that ages of the "children" matter.  When my neice got married - it was decided no one under 18.  Except for her 9 month old son, and the flower girl and ring bearer.

Where it got difficult was:  One family has an 18 year old son and 16 year old daughter.  They declined the invite. Because they were not going to go out to a big family event and leave their 16 year old at home.

Neice changed her date and did not let me know. I had already booked a vacation taking into account her origianl date. She really pushed me to leave our vacation early for this big family event.  I refused.  She changed date and I was never notified, plus - my 2 sons were not invited and I did not feel like cutting short their vacation by several daya.  She had an afternoon wedding, big break, then late reception.  We live an hour away and I would have had to have a sitter for a long long time.

In DH's family, kids are almost always included.

She and her mother ( Lakehouse Sally ) got really really upset at people not accepting the invites - but that is the risk you take. Its an invitation not a summons.

cheyne

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 1042
I have never attended a wedding that was "adults only".  That being said, I support the B&G in making their guest list and deciding that they will not invite children. 

We don't know the B&G's reasons for not inviting kids (if indeed they're not).  The Bride may have parents that have 15 siblings between them, all 4 of her grandparents are alive, she has 6 siblings (married), and both of her parents are remarried.  That would be 50 people just in that group.  Perhaps they have 20 friends between them, half of whom are married.  We're now up to 80 invites not counting the groom's side.  If their venue and budget only allows them 125 people, they really are stuck between a rock and hard place.  They may have made a unilateral decision to not invite any children including their (adult) first cousins.*

If OP's kids aren't invited I hope her DH takes into consideration what the actual logistics are with the invites.   If the scenario is one like I typed above, I would hope that DH would go to his brothers wedding.

*I took the numbers I used from my DIL's actual family.  Starting to plan that wedding was a nightmare.  Then DS joined the Air Force, and they got married last month by a JOP with only parents and siblings present.  Much simpler and no feelings were hurt.   :D

Firecat

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 2524
I have never attended a wedding that was "adults only".  That being said, I support the B&G in making their guest list and deciding that they will not invite children. 

We don't know the B&G's reasons for not inviting kids (if indeed they're not).  The Bride may have parents that have 15 siblings between them, all 4 of her grandparents are alive, she has 6 siblings (married), and both of her parents are remarried.  That would be 50 people just in that group.  Perhaps they have 20 friends between them, half of whom are married.  We're now up to 80 invites not counting the groom's side.  If their venue and budget only allows them 125 people, they really are stuck between a rock and hard place.  They may have made a unilateral decision to not invite any children including their (adult) first cousins.*

If OP's kids aren't invited I hope her DH takes into consideration what the actual logistics are with the invites.   If the scenario is one like I typed above, I would hope that DH would go to his brothers wedding.

*I took the numbers I used from my DIL's actual family.  Starting to plan that wedding was a nightmare.  Then DS joined the Air Force, and they got married last month by a JOP with only parents and siblings present.  Much simpler and no feelings were hurt.   :D

When I got married, I stopped the "family" circle of invitations at my aunts and uncles, and didn't invite any of my cousins (mostly adults by then). There were several reasons for this, including but not limited to the fact that I've never been close to any of them (partly due to age differences), and the fact that I really don't care to associate with some of them. And I told my dad that he would call one of my uncles (Dad's brother), and would inform him and my aunt (his wife) that they were not to bring anyone not listed on the invitation. I might not have gotten away with that if Mom hadn't supported me 100%, but she did.

Most likely that was rude, but in my defense, I knew from long experience that that particular branch of the family had a habit of bringing their children, the childrens' SOs, and the grandchildren - some of whom were not over-endowed with manners. No matter the occasion or who was or was not listed on the invitation. And I was not, absolutely not, going to deal with that on my wedding day. Especially because there was just enough room for the invited guests for the ceremony portion - the reception was more spread out through the venue, so there was plenty of space for people to mingle and talk and such. I don't know - was it actually rude to have that point made to them if it was based on actual past experience? If so, how long a stay in eHell is appropriate?

snowdragon

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 2200
/\  it may have been rude, but understandable. I sentence you to one nanosecond in e-hell.

Brisvegasgal

  • Member
  • **
  • Posts: 171
Bloo asked for an update so here you go. Shortly after my post, the invites were handed to us (at a family gathering) and the groom told us that our boys were very much invited BUT that they totally understood if we didn't bring them. He & the bride left it to us (& the boys) to decide.

The wedding was lovely & the boys declined the invitation (we let them choose) so they had a sleepover at Nanna & Papa's. A total win/win!

As for the part about me looking after the kids - you all helped me stiffen my spine and that worked out too.

Thank you all for your help.

Hmmmmm

  • Super Hero!
  • ****
  • Posts: 6358
Glad you ended up having a fun evening.

bloo

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 1240
I'm glad things worked out for your whole family! Sounds like you didn't have to spend too much time worrying about it either. Good deal!

Thanks for the update!

thedudeabides

  • Member
  • **
  • Posts: 512
I'm glad things worked out, and I hope your husband learned a thing or two about waiting to flip out over something until he knows he has something to flip out about.