Annoyed at coworker but not sure if I should say anything

[shutterbug94]

I am a teacher and our department is having a holiday brunch tomorrow.  It's a potluck with a gift exchange.  The dpt is small, 9 people total. In the past, other people in the building have dropped in to nibble and visit.  This has been a terrible year, my worst as a teacher.  The problems have been caused by our administration.  Way too much background so you'll just have to trust me that they have made our jobs hell.  In addition, one of my good friends in another department was recently targeted by this administration and they tried their best to have him fired for something really stupid.  Overall, teacher morale is at an all time low.  On Friday when we were having a meeting one of the teachers in my department (Mrs. Busybody) informed the group that she had invited the administration to our brunch. I was furious.  A few other people didn't seem happy either.  I asked her why she had done this and she said it would be rude not to.  What say you?  I am bringing a main dish and am not happy at the idea that the food I'm preparing will be enjoyed by the very people who have me in tears on a regular basis lately.

[kckgirl]

Mrs. Busybody is wrong! I think I would bow out and not bring the dish. Yes, it is the last minute, but she waited until the last minute to ruin the festive brunch for you. Bring yourself a nice meal and eat it elsewhere. If Mrs. B asks where you were, you can tell her exactly why you didn't attend.

[Jones]

I wonder what would happen if you and the other upset faculty met somewhere else instead, leaving Ms. Busybody and the administrators to their party?

Incidentally, as it's a potluck, were the administrative faculty told to bring anything or are they simply showing up to eat the fruits of all your labor?

[bonyk]

I wouldn't go.  I've been in your shoes, shutterbug, and there's just no way I could bring myself to prepare food and celebrate with a hostile administration.

I would say that you're just far too bust with your paperwork to attend.  (Which, if your hostile administration is like mine, is entirely true.)

[Shoo]

If it were me, I would decline to participate in this.  Then I'd privately contact the others who were offended along with me, and plan something for just us, MINUS Miss Busybody.

[DCGirl]

If, in the past, other people have dropped in to nibble and visit, did they include the administration?  Were you hoping that they wouldn't attend, based on the difficulties of the past few months?  That's not clear to me from the original post, but if they have traditionally attended then it probably would be rude not to invite them. 

This may be the unpopular response but I think that sometimes you have to suck it up and socialize with people that you don't like, and this fact is borne in upon us repeatedly at the holiday season, whether those people are annoying co-workers or annoying in-laws.  Boycotting the party could make the administration even more hostile. 

[Bethalize]

I'd like to suggest a strategic withdrawal. Bring the dish. Make it cheaper and less "nice" if you like. Turn up. Be there for five minutes, then get a political headache and withdraw.

[Zilla]

I too and hope others will bow out and inform busybody that you are unable to attend.  Don't give a reason as she might say why.

[DavidH]

If they haven't been invited in the past, and she is your peer, she was wrong to do so without asking the group.  On the other hand, you can't really uninvite them without being rude.  The options you have are to attend or not.  If you attend, you need to bring a dish, maybe not as nice as you were planning, but still bring one, and then you can leave relatively soon, making an excuse such as not feeling well or a press or work to attend to.  If you don't attend, then you should make an excuse ahead of time, like a dental appointment or something along those lines.

I think you'd do better to attend and use this as an opportunity to try to resolve some of the issues you have encountered or at least build some bridges. 

[Mikayla]

I guess the event is happening as I type but I agree with David's questions.  If she didn't have the authority to do this and she's a peer, I definitely would have said something to anyone who could have fixed it. 

It's no different than the questions we've seen about guests invited by themselves to a party who suddenly decide to invite others on their own.

[bopper]

Ask her if she asked the administration to bring anything.

[doodlemor]

The whole thing is likely over now. 

My advice is to make plans with your *friendly* colleagues for next year.  Maybe those of you who are kindred spirits should meet somewhere off site, and not share this information with everybody else. 

I'm so sorry that you are undergoing this terrible year.  I taught for many years, and know how difficult some years can be.  Take heart, adminstrators can change quickly in education, and the bad guys will be gone.

[katycoo]

Isn't administration a general department, separate to yours?

I'm trying to wrap my head around why it would be rude to exclude admin, but not the other departments.

[Hmmmmm]

No, it wouldn't be rude to not invite them.

It was wrong of Busybody to do so without confirming agreement with the others in your department.

After having a bad year, I'm sorry that one thing you were looking forward to is being ruined by her thoughtless gesture.

In your shoes, I would still go.  I'd socialize with the people in the department you enjoy and other than a greeting, ignore the administration staff that you don't wish to socialize with.  Maybe the ones that instigated the problems won't show up.  I figure there's got to be a few in the administration department that weren't involved in all of the decisions that created havoc for you. 

[HenrysMom]

Sounds like you should take my two-cabbage salad to the original party, then go somewhere else with a better dish with those of like mind during what is now Mrs. Busybody's party time.

My two cabbage salad consists of a red cabbage, green cabbage, onion, and mayo.  Very, very inexpensive and, once you get past the color, actually good.