Company Holiday party -who gets to come?

[goldilocks]

My upper-upper manager has decided to host the holiday party at his home.  Only employees are invited (no spouses) and approx 100 people are expected.

Now, he is NOT paying for this personally.  The event is being catered and paid for by the company, he is only providing the venue.  However, it's very nice of him to open his home to so many people.

We have been told for some weeks that spouses are not invited.  Fine, I understand and mine will not be attending.  However, a few days ago one of the women in the office just got engaged.  The next day her fiancee was in the office picking her up for lunch.  She introduced him to upper-upper mgr and told him of the engagement.  So, he invites fiancee to the party.

My question - is this right?  I mean, on the one hand it's his home, but on the other hand, it's a company party.

[RegionMom]

No spouses.
Well, he is not!
 

Sounds like it was a social flub to invite him to the party, and maybe she can politely finagle an un-invite. 
Perhaps an upper manager can tell the upper-upper manager that he goofed. 

I went to a small company Christmas party with a friend/part-time co-worker as each others' "plus one" because our spouses would not know anyone, and it would be awkward doing a white elephant with strangers to them.

100 people?  Yeah, they would realize the extra person was odd and there would be comments.

[PastryGoddess]

I think you need to bring this up the the upper upper manager.  it's not fair that one person's SO gets to come and no-one else's does.  That's opening up a huge can of worms and can cause resentment among staff

[Mikayla]

Someone needs to point this out to him.  To me, this sounds more like a temporary misfire in his brain than a calculated attempt to annoy every married person on his staff.

[SamiHami]

If the party is taking place during working hours and is mandatory, inviting employees only is fine. If it is taking place during the employees personal time, he is required by etiquette to invite spouses/significant others.

But that wasn't the question, was it? No, it's inappropriate for him to invite the lone fiance and no other SO's period.

Personally, unless it was on company time and I was being paid, I wouldn't go. Who wants to attend a holiday party without their spouse/SO?

[bopper]

It's not right, but it is common for people to get unwarranted guilt when they are having a party and they are talking to someone with one degree of separation who was not invited. One time I was talking to a friend of a friend who I had met a couple of times and I guess she was having a birthday party for her similarly aged daughter...I knew nothing of the party and would not be offended in the slightest if not invited because her daughter barely knew mind,....but she just blurted out she was planning a party and she would send me details...but she never did.

[BeagleMommy]

I would mention it to management.  However, I agree that it was probably a brain-to-mouth malfunction.  Can you imagine if this newly-minted fiancee shows up and he's the only "significant other" there?

[Kaypeep]

If the party is taking place during working hours and is mandatory, inviting employees only is fine. If it is taking place during the employees personal time, he is required by etiquette to invite spouses/significant others.

But that wasn't the question, was it? No, it's inappropriate for him to invite the lone fiance and no other SO's period.

Personally, unless it was on company time and I was being paid, I wouldn't go. Who wants to attend a holiday party without their spouse/SO?

I have never heard of such a rule.  After hours holiday parties are very much a norm, and I don't think it's unreasonable at all to limit attendance to employees only.

As for the OP's situation, I'd let it go and not say anything unless the guy actually shows up.  It's possible your co-worker told  him later that he shouldn't come since no other spouses or SO's are coming.  She might have recognized that the boss had a faux pas and instead of calling him out on it decided to let it go but deal with her fiance afterwards.

[wolfie]

He shouldn't have invited the fiancee but I wouldn't say anything to anyone. If I was upper management I would not be impressed if someone came to me and said that so and so's significant other was invited and mine wasn't. It would sound like petty whining.

[Surianne]

He shouldn't have invited the fiancee but I wouldn't say anything to anyone. If I was upper management I would not be impressed if someone came to me and said that so and so's significant other was invited and mine wasn't. It would sound like petty whining.

I agree -- stay out of it, this doesn't affect you.  It's not going to help your career to make sure one extra person isn't invited.

[LifeOnPluto]

It is rude to invite one employee's partner, but not invite any other partners. The manager should be applying the "no spouse / partner" rule consistently. 

[Aeris]

If the party is taking place during working hours and is mandatory, inviting employees only is fine. If it is taking place during the employees personal time, he is required by etiquette to invite spouses/significant others.

But that wasn't the question, was it? No, it's inappropriate for him to invite the lone fiance and no other SO's period.

Personally, unless it was on company time and I was being paid, I wouldn't go. Who wants to attend a holiday party without their spouse/SO?

I have never heard of such a rule.  After hours holiday parties are very much a norm, and I don't think it's unreasonable at all to limit attendance to employees only.

As for the OP's situation, I'd let it go and not say anything unless the guy actually shows up.  It's possible your co-worker told  him later that he shouldn't come since no other spouses or SO's are coming.  She might have recognized that the boss had a faux pas and instead of calling him out on it decided to let it go but deal with her fiance afterwards.

I completely agree. This is not typical social etiquette, this is part of business etiquette. Quasi-social-mostly-business events occur all the time where social unit partners are not invited, nor are they welcome.

[Shoo]

It's kind of a bummer for the new fiance, because once he gets to the party, he's going to quickly realize he's the only one there who doesn't work for the company.  Awkward.

[yokozbornak]

He shouldn't have invited the fiancee but I wouldn't say anything to anyone. If I was upper management I would not be impressed if someone came to me and said that so and so's significant other was invited and mine wasn't. It would sound like petty whining.

I agree -- stay out of it, this doesn't affect you.  It's not going to help your career to make sure one extra person isn't invited.

I agree with this.  The boss may be in the wrong, but you don't need to be the one to call him on it.  Also, your coworker probably already knows that spouses/significant others aren't invited so she very well may not be planning to bring him anyway.