Author Topic: Bridal Party Dictating Shoes  (Read 10810 times)

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jibby

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Re: Bridal Party Dictating Shoes
« Reply #15 on: December 17, 2012, 03:15:49 PM »
I almost never wear flats.  Most are very uncomfortable for me.  I would decline to attend if my wearing heels was going to actually be an issue.  Actually, I don't think that I'd want to celebrate the marriage of someone to such a insecure bridezilla so I would just decline.

Kiwichick

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Re: Bridal Party Dictating Shoes
« Reply #16 on: December 17, 2012, 03:18:45 PM »
I don't get why tall women are a problem but tall men aren't.

I think the request is ridiculous but I tend to agree with Abby - either comply or don't attend.  I suspect they will have far fewer guests than the expect.

Hmmmmm

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Re: Bridal Party Dictating Shoes
« Reply #17 on: December 17, 2012, 03:21:18 PM »
I think Abby cited the only two options, either comply or don't go.  Actually, there is a third, switch dresses.

I don't think you can ignore the request.  The couple have obviously decided that appearing taller is more important than attendance or they wouldn't have made such a crazy request. 

I think it is completely wrong of a couple to require specific clothes be worn or heel height, just like I think it is crazy for a couple to believe a sunrise wedding is a great idea.  But the couple of made this a condition of your attending.

Based on your relationship with the couple, you have to decide what your willing to accept. 

So you either wear a different dress and flats, buy a pair of flats, or stay home. 

diesel_darlin

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Re: Bridal Party Dictating Shoes
« Reply #18 on: December 17, 2012, 03:23:05 PM »
I don't understand the need to be so picky.

Of course at my wedding everyone wore shoes but me.  ;D

Friday

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Re: Bridal Party Dictating Shoes
« Reply #19 on: December 17, 2012, 03:24:00 PM »
I am 5'7".  My husband is 5'4".  I weart 3-5 inch heels daily.

He told one man (and I use the term lightly) who suggested that me being taller was a bad thing to "nut up".

His father suggested to me that I wear flats and slouch at my own wedding..... Ok, it wasn't a suggestion.... he TOLD me to.... I refused....

Friday

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Re: Bridal Party Dictating Shoes
« Reply #20 on: December 17, 2012, 03:25:17 PM »
Oh, and, I have high arches.  When I wear flats, my feet go numb.... so Abby is suggesting that I endanger myself or not go?  (if it were me)

Mental Magpie

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Re: Bridal Party Dictating Shoes
« Reply #21 on: December 17, 2012, 03:28:56 PM »
Part of the problem I see here is that I don't think it's so black and white as go or don't go.  A lot of times on here, when a question or a suggestion is so inappropriate as to be considered ridiculous, we tell the person something along the lines of to act as if the person can't be serious.  I don't think going in heals would be passive aggressive and would be along the lines of pretending you thought it was a joke.

"Oh, I thought you were just kidding!  I can't imagine me wearing heals being any different than 6 foot Sally, so I thought it was a joke."
The problem with choosing the lesser of two evils is that you're still choosing evil.

bopper

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Re: Bridal Party Dictating Shoes
« Reply #22 on: December 17, 2012, 03:32:58 PM »
The choices are:

1) Wear flats.  You are acquiescing to a ridiculous demand but keeping the bridal party happy.
2) Wear heels. You are not acquiescing to a ridiculous demand but are doing something the bridal party asked you not to.
3) Don't Go.  You are not acquiescing to a ridiculous demand and are keeping the bridal party happy.

These are all false choices because the bridal party is being ridiculous.

Kiwichick

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Re: Bridal Party Dictating Shoes
« Reply #23 on: December 17, 2012, 04:06:21 PM »
Part of the problem I see here is that I don't think it's so black and white as go or don't go.  A lot of times on here, when a question or a suggestion is so inappropriate as to be considered ridiculous, we tell the person something along the lines of to act as if the person can't be serious.  I don't think going in heals would be passive aggressive and would be along the lines of pretending you thought it was a joke.

"Oh, I thought you were just kidding!  I can't imagine me wearing heals being any different than 6 foot Sally, so I thought it was a joke."

Pretending that you think their request is a joke and wearing what you have specifically been asked not to is PA.  Heck, if you google Passive aggressive behaviour the first link has this in the very first paragraph '...indirectly resisting requests from others by evading or creating confusion around the issue. Not going along with things. It can either be covert (concealed and hidden) or overt (blatant and obvious).'

It's a ridiculous request but I can't think of a single gracious way to not comply.

Mental Magpie

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Re: Bridal Party Dictating Shoes
« Reply #24 on: December 17, 2012, 04:09:48 PM »
Part of the problem I see here is that I don't think it's so black and white as go or don't go.  A lot of times on here, when a question or a suggestion is so inappropriate as to be considered ridiculous, we tell the person something along the lines of to act as if the person can't be serious.  I don't think going in heals would be passive aggressive and would be along the lines of pretending you thought it was a joke.

"Oh, I thought you were just kidding!  I can't imagine me wearing heals being any different than 6 foot Sally, so I thought it was a joke."

Pretending that you think their request is a joke and wearing what you have specifically been asked not to is PA.  Heck, if you google Passive aggressive behaviour the first link has this in the very first paragraph '...indirectly resisting requests from others by evading or creating confusion around the issue. Not going along with things. It can either be covert (concealed and hidden) or overt (blatant and obvious).'

It's a ridiculous request but I can't think of a single gracious way to not comply.

Then why do we suggest it in other instances?
The problem with choosing the lesser of two evils is that you're still choosing evil.

Kiwichick

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Re: Bridal Party Dictating Shoes
« Reply #25 on: December 17, 2012, 04:16:51 PM »
I have no idea why you do what you do, it's not something I'd do.

ETA - Sorry I misunderstood, I don't think I've seen PA behaviour being advocated here on EHell, I'd be surprised if it was and taken seriously since it's fairly rude.
« Last Edit: December 17, 2012, 04:29:27 PM by Sootikin »

LeveeWoman

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Re: Bridal Party Dictating Shoes
« Reply #26 on: December 17, 2012, 04:19:19 PM »
I'd stay home and so would my present.

Mental Magpie

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Re: Bridal Party Dictating Shoes
« Reply #27 on: December 17, 2012, 04:22:53 PM »
I have no idea why you do what you do, it's not something I'd do.

It's not that I specifically do it; I said "we" for a reason.  It often happens on E-Hell where someone (not always the same person) suggests treating the question/suggestion as if it is a joke.
The problem with choosing the lesser of two evils is that you're still choosing evil.

hobish

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Re: Bridal Party Dictating Shoes
« Reply #28 on: December 17, 2012, 04:24:48 PM »
I don't think wearing heels anyway would be PA (why is everything but everything designated PA these days? It makes me crazy). It is a request, not a command. I would just ignore it and do whatever i was going to do anyway. If they had the gall to say something about it, that is when i would leave. I would imagine most people by that point would have other things to be worried about that what is on their guests' feet.

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Kiwichick

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Re: Bridal Party Dictating Shoes
« Reply #29 on: December 17, 2012, 04:25:49 PM »
I have no idea why you do what you do, it's not something I'd do.

It's not that I specifically do it; I said "we" for a reason.  It often happens on E-Hell where someone (not always the same person) suggests treating the question/suggestion as if it is a joke.

I edited my post you quoted as you were posting.

If you meant 'they' you should have used 'they' using 'we' includes yourself.