Bridal Party Dictating Shoes

[CluelessBride]

I agree that "dye an old pair of flats" is a piece of advice from a different era. The *only* cases I know of dying shoes are people who bought dyeable shoes specifically to have them dyed to match bridesmaid's dresses.

As an aside, I thought this too until recently. A few months ago I took an old pair of dyed shoes to a shoe repair store to have them re-dyed slightly darker (to match a bridesmaid's dress incidentally) a was surprised by quite a few things. First the shoe repair store is a hopping place! There were half a dozen people in line when I walked through the door and more joined the line behind me - and they weren't dilly-dallying with the service or anything.  Second, dying shoes is apparently relatively common: 3 of the people in front of me in line also wanted shoes dyed. Third, you can dye shoes bought at the regular shoe store. I always thought you could only dye the special dye-able ones from the bridal stores. But apparently, there are at least some regular shoe materials that can also be dyed. I know because the other 3 dying customers were asked many questions about their shoes and their shoes were much more closely examined than mine. Only 1 of the 3 was turned away as unable to be dyed.

But that said shoes are so cheap now you are probably better off buying a new pair unless you have hard to come by requirements. It cost me $10 to dye my shoes. For $15 I could have bought new matching shoes from the bridal store - I was just too lazy to drive the hour try on shoes.

[andi]

Maybe I missed something - but I thought only the bridal party was asked to wear flats. In that case I don't think it's that big of a deal - bridal attendants are often asked to coordinate outfits including shoes

Forgive me if im way off base - if theyre asking all guests I agree its out of line

[Aeris]

Maybe I missed something - but I thought only the bridal party was asked to wear flats. In that case I don't think it's that big of a deal - bridal attendants are often asked to coordinate outfits including shoes

Forgive me if im way off base - if theyre asking all guests I agree its out of line

From the letter: "The bride has requested that all female guests not wear heels because they're a short couple."

[Tilt Fairy]

Maybe I missed something - but I thought only the bridal party was asked to wear flats. In that case I don't think it's that big of a deal - bridal attendants are often asked to coordinate outfits including shoes

Forgive me if im way off base - if theyre asking all guests I agree its out of line

Yeah I thought it was the bridal party at first too. It wasn't until I read through the comments here that I was like "hang on..." and then re-read it.

[andi]

Maybe I missed something - but I thought only the bridal party was asked to wear flats. In that case I don't think it's that big of a deal - bridal attendants are often asked to coordinate outfits including shoes

Forgive me if im way off base - if theyre asking all guests I agree its out of line

From the letter: "The bride has requested that all female guests not wear heels because they're a short couple."

Thanks - I went back to reread it too. I think the bride belongs in the shiny sparkling super special snowflake sled.  I think I'd ignore the "request " and wear my regular outfit. If I had to take a picture with the HC I'd sit or take my shoes. In the end - is the bride really going ton walk around due g the reception and check everyone's shoes? 

[Erich L-ster]

Completely ridiculous. I'll go with the bride dictating flats to the bridal party, for the reason of staging photography (which is an important part of the wedding) to the bride's liking; but guests?

[Venus193]

In my experience "dressy flats" is an oxymoron unless we're talking about sandals done in gold or silver.  Not to mention that full flats aren't good for your feet, especially if you aren't used to them.

This is special snowflakey and I would decline the invitation.

[Emmy]

This is definitely an SS request.  However, I figure this is 'their' day and if they would rather have their guests wear flats than what they feel comfortable wearing, I would decline (unless I could come up with a good outfit that fits the requirements).  When I dress up, I am a heels girl and I just feel more attractive and formal in heels.

[msulinski]

Why decide to take the non-nice antagonising route and deliberately wear heels when they've asked you not to? Regardless of what you think of the request.

Because they're not the boss of the world?  Because they don't get to MAKE that request.  Well, they can make it, but they don't get to expect people to take it seriously.

But then just don't go to the wedding. If you don't like a request, don't go. If you feel that your want to attend the wedding or that you are close enough to the couple cannot overpower your dislike of wearing flats then by all means don't attend. And vice versa.

My point is that folks shouldn't have to miss a wedding that might be important to them just because the bride makes a ridiculous request.  People don't have to do what she says.  She doesn't get to demand people do whatever she says.  She just doesn't.

This comes off as entitled to me. It is her party, so she gets to make the rules, period. If you don't like them, don't attend. Your comment that people shouldn't have to miss a wedding comes off as entitled.

[Mental Magpie]

Why decide to take the non-nice antagonising route and deliberately wear heels when they've asked you not to? Regardless of what you think of the request.

Because they're not the boss of the world?  Because they don't get to MAKE that request.  Well, they can make it, but they don't get to expect people to take it seriously.

But then just don't go to the wedding. If you don't like a request, don't go. If you feel that your want to attend the wedding or that you are close enough to the couple cannot overpower your dislike of wearing flats then by all means don't attend. And vice versa.

My point is that folks shouldn't have to miss a wedding that might be important to them just because the bride makes a ridiculous request.  People don't have to do what she says.  She doesn't get to demand people do whatever she says.  She just doesn't.

This comes off as entitled to me. It is her party, so she gets to make the rules, period. If you don't like them, don't attend. Your comment that people shouldn't have to miss a wedding comes off as entitled.

How on earth is that entitled?  It would be different had the guest not been invited at all.  I don't think it's any different than "I shouldn't have to leave a party early just because I don't like one of the guests there."

[postalslave]

Thank you!!!

I brought this up in  the wedding forum and was told I was over reacting!

http://www.weddinghellsbells.com/smf/index.php?topic=116869.0

I find it very amusing that the "etiquette" varies between sites...

[cheyne]

We may be confusing the B&G right to have the wedding they want with the guests right to wear what they want within the dictates of the formality of the event.

The B&G are within their bounds to have the wedding they want with regards to venue, food, guest list, time and place, formality and whether children are included or not.  The B&G are not within bounds to dictate exactly what their guests will wear.  Dictating only "flats" is the same as dictating that no one may wear a dress shorter than 1 inch above the knee.  The formality of the event may be dictated, not the actual clothes the guests wear.

We have become a society that encourages B&G's to  "have the day they want" and "it's their Special Day!" to the point that the bridal party and guests wishes are not only completely disregarded, but the guests are seen as "rude" if they don't toe the line.

*Disclaimer*  I cant' wear anything over a 1.5 inch heel, so usually wear "flats" anyway.  However at 5'8" I am already over average height.  Would the bridal party expect me to slouch all night?

[Shoo]

Why decide to take the non-nice antagonising route and deliberately wear heels when they've asked you not to? Regardless of what you think of the request.

Because they're not the boss of the world?  Because they don't get to MAKE that request.  Well, they can make it, but they don't get to expect people to take it seriously.

But then just don't go to the wedding. If you don't like a request, don't go. If you feel that your want to attend the wedding or that you are close enough to the couple cannot overpower your dislike of wearing flats then by all means don't attend. And vice versa.

My point is that folks shouldn't have to miss a wedding that might be important to them just because the bride makes a ridiculous request.  People don't have to do what she says.  She doesn't get to demand people do whatever she says.  She just doesn't.

This comes off as entitled to me. It is her party, so she gets to make the rules, period. If you don't like them, don't attend. Your comment that people shouldn't have to miss a wedding comes off as entitled.

I do not believe she "gets" to make the rules for people attending an event she INVITED them to.  Further, I don't think people have to pretend that a request as ridiculous as this one is even remotely serious.  If this were to happen to me in real life, there is no way I'd think they were serious.  No way.  I wouldn't even consider that it could be, that's how ridiculous it is. 

[auntmeegs]

Why decide to take the non-nice antagonising route and deliberately wear heels when they've asked you not to? Regardless of what you think of the request.

Because they're not the boss of the world?  Because they don't get to MAKE that request.  Well, they can make it, but they don't get to expect people to take it seriously.

But then just don't go to the wedding. If you don't like a request, don't go. If you feel that your want to attend the wedding or that you are close enough to the couple cannot overpower your dislike of wearing flats then by all means don't attend. And vice versa.

My point is that folks shouldn't have to miss a wedding that might be important to them just because the bride makes a ridiculous request.  People don't have to do what she says.  She doesn't get to demand people do whatever she says.  She just doesn't.

This comes off as entitled to me. It is her party, so she gets to make the rules, period. If you don't like them, don't attend. Your comment that people shouldn't have to miss a wedding comes off as entitled.

I do not believe she "gets" to make the rules for people attending an event she INVITED them to.  Further, I don't think people have to pretend that a request as ridiculous as this one is even remotely serious.  If this were to happen to me in real life, there is no way I'd think they were serious.  No way.  I wouldn't even consider that it could be, that's how ridiculous it is.

POD.  And I'm floored that some people actually think that this request is reasonable and should be taken seriously. 

[LeveeWoman]

We may be confusing the B&G right to have the wedding they want with the guests right to wear what they want within the dictates of the formality of the event.

The B&G are within their bounds to have the wedding they want with regards to venue, food, guest list, time and place, formality and whether children are included or not.  The B&G are not within bounds to dictate exactly what their guests will wear.  Dictating only "flats" is the same as dictating that no one may wear a dress shorter than 1 inch above the knee.  The formality of the event may be dictated, not the actual clothes the guests wear.

We have become a society that encourages B&G's to  "have the day they want" and "it's their Special Day!" to the point that the bridal party and guests wishes are not only completely disregarded, but the guests are seen as "rude" if they don't toe the line.

*Disclaimer*  I cant' wear anything over a 1.5 inch heel, so usually wear "flats" anyway.  However at 5'8" I am already over average height.  Would the bridal party expect me to slouch all night?

And oftentimes they are seen as accessories.