Hello, all. I will try to keep this brief, but I'll warn you that brevity isn't my strong suit. I had a friend with whom I was close for several years. (I'll call her FF; Former Friend.) She was a devoted mother, worked very hard, and overcame many obstacles to build a life for herself and her children. I thought a great deal of her. When she met a man and fell in love after decades of struggling as a single mom, I was happy for her...at first.
As time passed however, I saw her begin to ignore her children and obsess over her boyfriend to the point where she would take a day off of work to spend with him, but could not take time off for her children under any circumstances. I ran errands for/with her kids, picked them up from school when they had early release, and took them to the doctor when I was asked. I wasn't working at the time, and it was easy enough to help out. I really felt she was going through a phase of sorts, and that she would find a balance between "me time" and motherhood again, but a couple of years passed and that did not happen. I completely lost respect for her the day I found out her child had to walk along a busy highway to the dentist for a minor surgery while she was out of town with her boyfriend. (The surgery was preplanned, not unexpected.) Granted, we are talking about a fifteen year old, but he was in pain and miles from the dentist's office! (What dentist does this sort of procedure on an unaccompanied minor, anyway? Another gripe...)
After that, I remained polite to FF when I did run into her, but distanced myself from her overall. I just didn't "get" her anymore and she didn't understand why. (I wasn't about to tell a grown woman that I thought she was acting like a besotted 14 year old and forgetting to mother her children!) I also began working and could seldom help with her kids, so I'd outlived my usefulness. She asked me to check on her boys daily while she was on a week long Christmas trip with her boyfriend, which I did, then posted a sophomoric rant on Facebook about how I thought I was better than her, unfriended me, and that was that. I was pretty ticked that she used me one last time before kicking me to the curb on FB, but not completely surprised.
Now, just to muddy the waters a bit, I have to tell you that she and my sister work together, and FF is most often the person who answers the phone if I call the business which employs them both. I don't call often, as FF is extremely short with me and I'd just as soon avoid the angst. My sons are encouraged by their aunt to call her at work from time to time...she says it's the best time for her as she is there long hours...but I found out that if FF answers, she may cut them off mid-sentence with, "She ain't here!" and hang up, take a message but never pass it along, or otherwise treat them rudely. As a result, the kids seldom call there anymore, and my sister seems genuinely confused as to why. She just chuckles at FF's behavior. The two lunch together, and I recently found out that Sis helped FF move furniture into storage. I can understand that it is important to remain civil with someone with whom she has to work, but I am a little taken aback that Sis is downright friendly with FF.
I do not hate FF. I wish her well; just from afar. What I do hate is the way she speaks to my children, and I am very hurt/confused/angry that Sis seems completely unbothered by the fact that FF is rude to her nephews. I have a several nieces and nephews, and I would not communicate with anyone who was rude to them beyond being civil, and then only if I absolutely had to deal with the offender. I certainly wouldn't take the rude person out to lunch! If FF wants to be hateful toward me, then that's her business, but my children have never been anything but respectful toward her, and they certainly don't deserve her wrath. Am I right to feel that Sis is being, well, a bad aunt? This is a family owned business, and very casual, but Sis is in a position of authority. One word to the owner from Sis would end FF's tele-rudeness for good. Am I being a goose about this? Is the bad taste in my mouth over FF's behavior clouding my judgement? How would you feel?
Thanks for hanging in there!