Hostesses With The Mostest > Recipe Requests

Is it rude to ask for a recipe?

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jeni:
I just wondered about peoples thoughts on this. I was in the kitchen at work some time ago and a lady that works in another section was heating up some food, it smelled absolutely delicious and I said so.  She said it was chicken curry.  Oh I love curry, I would love that recipe, I said.  She coldly replied, No it is my Mother's recipe and I never share my recipes. 

I felt a bit offended but also wondered if I was rude for asking.  Do you think so? 

From my perspective my question was more of a polite reply rather than a genuine request.  I just thought her reply was a little odd.  Is it common for people to be protective of their recipes?

I'm glad we have a folder here for recipe exchange!

Just Lori:
Years ago we had a long discussion about sharing recipes.  It was an eye-opener for me.  I figured sharing was normal, but I came to understand that some people prefer not to share, especially when they have put a lot of time and energy into creating a recipe.

In answer to your question, no, I don't think you were rude to ask, but I don't think she was rude to refuse, either.  It sounds like she was abrupt with her response, and it's rarely fun to be on the receiving end of an abrupt response.  But yes, there are definitely people who don't share recipes.  I've learned to ask, "Do you share your recipe?" rather than "Can I have that recipe?"

rashea:
Yeah, that was an interesting thread... http://www.etiquettehell.com/smf/index.php?topic=16907.0

My personal stance is that I am happy to share most recipes. I have a few I don't share, because I made them up, and they are really good, and I'm just not ready to share them with anyone else. They take a lot of time and effort to perfect.

But, I don't think it's rude when someone asks, as long as they take a graceful (and hers wasn't) no for an answer.

cicero:
i remember that thread

I always thought it was a compliment when someone asked for a recipe (as in "it's just THAT good").

also, since i am (she said modestly) a fairly good cook (OK, an awesome cook), i never had a problem figuring out a recipe on my own - so it never bothered me that people won't give out a recipe. also, with the internet and all, pretty much every "top secret" recipe is already out there, in one way or another. Years ago a friend of a friend, who is a caterer, had this "special top secret" recipe for a vegetable/vegetarian "crustless pie". my friend had the recipe but couldn't give it to me because she had promised her friend the caterer. I figured it out myself and then found it on the internet pretty quickly; turns out it wasn't even the caterer's original recipe - it was from an old classic cook book (think something like "joy of cooking").

anyway - to the OP - you are not rude to ask. she is not rude to decline. her response was abrupt

CakeBeret:
In my opinion...

It's not rude to request a recipe, as long as it's done politely.

It's not rude to decline to share a recipe, as long as it's done politely.

It IS rude to snap at someone, reply coldly, or otherwise act angry or displeased at a polite request.

I think in the future, you might want to word your request a bit more gently. "Would you mind sharing your recipe?" or "If you don't mind me asking, would you be willing to share the recipe?"

Recipe sharing is completely common in my circle, but I know that some people are very protective of their recipes.

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