Hostesses With The Mostest > Recipe Requests

Is it rude to ask for a recipe?

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snowdragon:
 I hate being asked for recipes, I  apparently make awesome chocolate chip cookies - I follow the recipe on the back of the package to.the.letter. and folks rave over them. When asked for the recipe I always tell folks "I use the one on the back of the package." and have been accused outright of lying. It's the only recipe I use ( for anything) and follow,, but when I tell folks it gets nastier than if I just refuse.  Guess what I've been doing more of lately?
  Things that I have no recipe for I tell folks "It's something I learned at Grandma's knee, sorry I don't have one" or some such and it's never questioned- but the cookie recipe off the package,  every single time. sigh

marcel:

--- Quote from: PastryGoddess on December 19, 2012, 10:43:11 AM ---
--- Quote from: Two Ravens on December 19, 2012, 06:24:37 AM ---
--- Quote from: PastryGoddess on December 18, 2012, 04:54:08 PM ---
--- Quote from: CakeBeret on December 18, 2012, 03:28:04 PM ---
--- Quote from: cicero on December 18, 2012, 03:19:23 PM ---
--- Quote from: PastryGoddess on December 18, 2012, 03:12:32 PM ---I have two thoughts on this. 

If it is a recipe that I got from somewhere else in the public domain, I share it since it wasn't mine to begin with. I don't share any extra tips or ingredients I may add or subtract to the recipe
If it is a recipe that I created myself or got from someone, I don't share unless I've been given permission to do so.

Most of my friends and family know that 90% of the time I'll happily share a recipe with them and so don't get upset when I say no.  My go to phrase is "I'm sorry, I don't share that recipe" with a smile.  The smile goes away if you keep asking

--- End quote ---
really? so if you find a recipe on the internet, and you make it, and you find that the recipe writer forgot to add an egg, or used too much pepper (say they wrote 1 TBLS of hot pepper instead of 1 TSP) - you wouldn't tell someone? you would let them make that same mistake?

--- End quote ---

I think Pastry Goddess means that if she discovered adding a tsp of lemon juice made it extra fluffy, or that she prefers to omit the dried parsley and use fresh basil instead, she still gives the original recipe. I can see that point of view. The original recipe is delicious as it is, but her changes make it uniquely hers.

I doubt she would deliberately give someone a recipe destined to fail, such as missing an egg or using too much pepper.

--- End quote ---

That is correct CakeBeret.  I would never give someone a recipe that is destined to fail.  But I don't add in my own flourishes either.

--- End quote ---

But you make it with your "flourishes," correct? So if you make the recipe and someone asks for it, you actually don't give them the true recipe for what you have just made. So if it does not come out as well, the cook would blame themselves? I think it would be kinder just not to share it at all.

--- End quote ---

My "flourishes" are not measured, nor included in the recipe.  I almost never make a recipe exactly the same each time.  I'm trained and experienced enough to commit basic recipes to mind and then tweak from there.

I think we're going to have to agree to disagree on this one

--- End quote ---
Your flourishes are a part of the recipe, that has nothing to do with them being measured or written down somewhere.
If you tell people honestly that what you are giving them is not the complete recipe, I think you are fine, but I personaly would no longer be interested in getting your recipe.
If you do not tell people that what you are giving them is not the recipe that you use, then you are no different from Go Twins sisters ILs.

Outdoor Girl:
It isn't rude to ask for a recipe; it isn't rude to refuse to give a recipe.  But the method in which either of these things are done can be rude. 

For years, the only cakes I'd make were from Betty Crocker mixes. I have some decorating skill so that is where I chose to spend my time.  I can't tell you how many times people complimented the cake and were incredulous when I'd tell them it was Betty Crocker and to just follow the directions on the box.

When my mother was dying, she and I talked recipes.  In time for the first anniversary of her death, I'd pulled together all the recipes we talked about and had a cookbook printed.  So those are available.  I mostly use the recipes as starting off points, though, changing things according to the availability of the ingredients, substituting and swapping as necessary.  I've never created my own recipes entirely from scratch, though, so I don't know how I'd feel about sharing those.

I have a cookie recipe that I got from somewhere.  One of my coworkers loved them so I gave her the recipe, with extra directions on how to make them because I knew she didn't bake.  I don't know what she did but they were inedible.  Except to her teenaged son and garbage can gut husband.   :D  She gave me the rest of the ingredients she bought that she wouldn't use and this Christmas, when I made a batch, I gave her some so she could show her husband what they were supposed to taste like.

Hmmmmm:

--- Quote from: marcel on January 06, 2013, 12:07:53 PM ---
--- Quote from: PastryGoddess on December 19, 2012, 10:43:11 AM ---
--- Quote from: Two Ravens on December 19, 2012, 06:24:37 AM ---
--- Quote from: PastryGoddess on December 18, 2012, 04:54:08 PM ---
--- Quote from: CakeBeret on December 18, 2012, 03:28:04 PM ---
--- Quote from: cicero on December 18, 2012, 03:19:23 PM ---
--- Quote from: PastryGoddess on December 18, 2012, 03:12:32 PM ---I have two thoughts on this. 

If it is a recipe that I got from somewhere else in the public domain, I share it since it wasn't mine to begin with. I don't share any extra tips or ingredients I may add or subtract to the recipe
If it is a recipe that I created myself or got from someone, I don't share unless I've been given permission to do so.

Most of my friends and family know that 90% of the time I'll happily share a recipe with them and so don't get upset when I say no.  My go to phrase is "I'm sorry, I don't share that recipe" with a smile.  The smile goes away if you keep asking

--- End quote ---
really? so if you find a recipe on the internet, and you make it, and you find that the recipe writer forgot to add an egg, or used too much pepper (say they wrote 1 TBLS of hot pepper instead of 1 TSP) - you wouldn't tell someone? you would let them make that same mistake?

--- End quote ---

I think Pastry Goddess means that if she discovered adding a tsp of lemon juice made it extra fluffy, or that she prefers to omit the dried parsley and use fresh basil instead, she still gives the original recipe. I can see that point of view. The original recipe is delicious as it is, but her changes make it uniquely hers.

I doubt she would deliberately give someone a recipe destined to fail, such as missing an egg or using too much pepper.

--- End quote ---

That is correct CakeBeret.  I would never give someone a recipe that is destined to fail.  But I don't add in my own flourishes either.

--- End quote ---

But you make it with your "flourishes," correct? So if you make the recipe and someone asks for it, you actually don't give them the true recipe for what you have just made. So if it does not come out as well, the cook would blame themselves? I think it would be kinder just not to share it at all.

--- End quote ---

My "flourishes" are not measured, nor included in the recipe.  I almost never make a recipe exactly the same each time.  I'm trained and experienced enough to commit basic recipes to mind and then tweak from there.

I think we're going to have to agree to disagree on this one

--- End quote ---
Your flourishes are a part of the recipe, that has nothing to do with them being measured or written down somewhere.
If you tell people honestly that what you are giving them is not the complete recipe, I think you are fine, but I personaly would no longer be interested in getting your recipe.
If you do not tell people that what you are giving them is not the recipe that you use, then you are no different from Go Twins sisters ILs.

--- End quote ---

I have to agree that you should let the requester know you are giving them a base recipe.  I know it's hard to remember if you modify a recipe sometimes.  Ive made the same cookie for my office pot luck for the last 10 years. I got off epicurious.com 15 years ago.  I'm always asked for the recipe, I always email the link, and I'm always told theirs don't turn out the same.  This year I actually compared what I do versus the recipe.  A couple of big differences because there were things that an experienced cook would just do, I didn't even notice they weren't part of the recipe.  I rewrote the recipe and sent it out to everyone I could remember asking for it in the past.  I felt really bad so many people had not had results they were expecting. 

It is very disappointing to not get results you expect.  But I would certainly understand a professional not wanting to give all their unique tips.  But I think it best to tell the requester that it's a base recipe and may not turn out the same. 

Piratelvr1121:
This reminds me of the episode of Friends when Monica asked for the recipe for Phoebe's chocolate chip cookies. She insisted it was a mystery, the guarded treasure of a friend of her grandmothers and when asked the name, she gave a French pronunciation of "Nestle Tollhouse."

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