Is it rude to ask for a recipe?

[PastryGoddess]

I have two thoughts on this. 

If it is a recipe that I got from somewhere else in the public domain, I share it since it wasn't mine to begin with. I don't share any extra tips or ingredients I may add or subtract to the recipe
If it is a recipe that I created myself or got from someone, I don't share unless I've been given permission to do so.

Most of my friends and family know that 90% of the time I'll happily share a recipe with them and so don't get upset when I say no.  My go to phrase is "I'm sorry, I don't share that recipe" with a smile.  The smile goes away if you keep asking

really? so if you find a recipe on the internet, and you make it, and you find that the recipe writer forgot to add an egg, or used too much pepper (say they wrote 1 TBLS of hot pepper instead of 1 TSP) - you wouldn't tell someone? you would let them make that same mistake?

I think Pastry Goddess means that if she discovered adding a tsp of lemon juice made it extra fluffy, or that she prefers to omit the dried parsley and use fresh basil instead, she still gives the original recipe. I can see that point of view. The original recipe is delicious as it is, but her changes make it uniquely hers.

I doubt she would deliberately give someone a recipe destined to fail, such as missing an egg or using too much pepper.

That is correct CakeBeret.  I would never give someone a recipe that is destined to fail.  But I don't add in my own flourishes either.

But you make it with your "flourishes," correct? So if you make the recipe and someone asks for it, you actually don't give them the true recipe for what you have just made. So if it does not come out as well, the cook would blame themselves? I think it would be kinder just not to share it at all.

My "flourishes" are not measured, nor included in the recipe.  I almost never make a recipe exactly the same each time.  I'm trained and experienced enough to commit basic recipes to mind and then tweak from there.

I think we're going to have to agree to disagree on this one

[Winterlight]

I would much rather someone politely tell me that they don't care to share a recipe than do what my sister's inlaws do to her.
They will "gladly" write the recipe down for her but change or leave off an ingredient so hers is never as good as theirs. One of her husband's cousins confirmed that this is what is happening. 

Now that is both rude and wasteful of the ingredients and her time.

[bah12]

It's neither rude to ask or to decline.  There are some recipes (family recipes and my own creations) that  I just won't share.  However, I have many that I either got from another source or just changed an ingredient or two that I happily share whenever asked.

I think the lady was rude in how she responded to you, but not rude to decline.  You did nothing wrong.

[Piratelvr1121]

I tend to get creative with basic recipes, trying out different ways and seeing how they turn out.  And I rarely measure unless I'm making something the first time.   Like meatloaf, I'll experiment if I run out of an ingredient (once used a chipotle dressing when I realized I didn't have enough ketchup and it turned out rather tasty.   Another time I used tomato sauce.)

I'd give the basic recipe and let the other person experiment if they wish to and might mention as I hand it over that if they're so inclined it's tasty also if chipotle dressing is substituted for ketchup.

[bah12]

I have two thoughts on this. 

If it is a recipe that I got from somewhere else in the public domain, I share it since it wasn't mine to begin with. I don't share any extra tips or ingredients I may add or subtract to the recipe
If it is a recipe that I created myself or got from someone, I don't share unless I've been given permission to do so.

Most of my friends and family know that 90% of the time I'll happily share a recipe with them and so don't get upset when I say no.  My go to phrase is "I'm sorry, I don't share that recipe" with a smile.  The smile goes away if you keep asking

really? so if you find a recipe on the internet, and you make it, and you find that the recipe writer forgot to add an egg, or used too much pepper (say they wrote 1 TBLS of hot pepper instead of 1 TSP) - you wouldn't tell someone? you would let them make that same mistake?

I think Pastry Goddess means that if she discovered adding a tsp of lemon juice made it extra fluffy, or that she prefers to omit the dried parsley and use fresh basil instead, she still gives the original recipe. I can see that point of view. The original recipe is delicious as it is, but her changes make it uniquely hers.

I doubt she would deliberately give someone a recipe destined to fail, such as missing an egg or using too much pepper.

That is correct CakeBeret.  I would never give someone a recipe that is destined to fail.  But I don't add in my own flourishes either.

But you make it with your "flourishes," correct? So if you make the recipe and someone asks for it, you actually don't give them the true recipe for what you have just made. So if it does not come out as well, the cook would blame themselves? I think it would be kinder just not to share it at all.

My "flourishes" are not measured, nor included in the recipe.  I almost never make a recipe exactly the same each time.  I'm trained and experienced enough to commit basic recipes to mind and then tweak from there.

I think we're going to have to agree to disagree on this one

I understand where you're coming from...those changes are your own and you are not obligted to share them.

As someone who has created recipes from scratch, I don't consider minor tweaks to someone else's recipe something that is my sole property and would share them.  Yet, I totally get why some would rather not.

That being said, I hope at least that you let people know that you are giving them a basic recipe and not the exact one you used.  I think it's fair not to give your tweaks, but unfair not to let the requestor know that you did change the recipe that you provided.

I never measure and often don't have a "recipe" to pass on even when I do use a basic recipe from another source.  Even then, I let people know that I'm passing on something close, but since I didn't measure,  the recipe may not be exactly what they just ate.

If I created the recipe from scratch, I almost never share it and just let people know that I'd rather not.  Most of my friends have been pretty understanding when I don't want to pass along something to them, that I'd rather pass on to my children as a "family secret".

[snowdragon]

 I hate being asked for recipes, I  apparently make awesome chocolate chip cookies - I follow the recipe on the back of the package to.the.letter. and folks rave over them. When asked for the recipe I always tell folks "I use the one on the back of the package." and have been accused outright of lying. It's the only recipe I use ( for anything) and follow,, but when I tell folks it gets nastier than if I just refuse.  Guess what I've been doing more of lately?
  Things that I have no recipe for I tell folks "It's something I learned at Grandma's knee, sorry I don't have one" or some such and it's never questioned- but the cookie recipe off the package,  every single time. sigh

[marcel]

I have two thoughts on this. 

If it is a recipe that I got from somewhere else in the public domain, I share it since it wasn't mine to begin with. I don't share any extra tips or ingredients I may add or subtract to the recipe
If it is a recipe that I created myself or got from someone, I don't share unless I've been given permission to do so.

Most of my friends and family know that 90% of the time I'll happily share a recipe with them and so don't get upset when I say no.  My go to phrase is "I'm sorry, I don't share that recipe" with a smile.  The smile goes away if you keep asking

really? so if you find a recipe on the internet, and you make it, and you find that the recipe writer forgot to add an egg, or used too much pepper (say they wrote 1 TBLS of hot pepper instead of 1 TSP) - you wouldn't tell someone? you would let them make that same mistake?

I think Pastry Goddess means that if she discovered adding a tsp of lemon juice made it extra fluffy, or that she prefers to omit the dried parsley and use fresh basil instead, she still gives the original recipe. I can see that point of view. The original recipe is delicious as it is, but her changes make it uniquely hers.

I doubt she would deliberately give someone a recipe destined to fail, such as missing an egg or using too much pepper.

That is correct CakeBeret.  I would never give someone a recipe that is destined to fail.  But I don't add in my own flourishes either.

But you make it with your "flourishes," correct? So if you make the recipe and someone asks for it, you actually don't give them the true recipe for what you have just made. So if it does not come out as well, the cook would blame themselves? I think it would be kinder just not to share it at all.

My "flourishes" are not measured, nor included in the recipe.  I almost never make a recipe exactly the same each time.  I'm trained and experienced enough to commit basic recipes to mind and then tweak from there.

I think we're going to have to agree to disagree on this one

Your flourishes are a part of the recipe, that has nothing to do with them being measured or written down somewhere.
If you tell people honestly that what you are giving them is not the complete recipe, I think you are fine, but I personaly would no longer be interested in getting your recipe.
If you do not tell people that what you are giving them is not the recipe that you use, then you are no different from Go Twins sisters ILs.

[Outdoor Girl]

It isn't rude to ask for a recipe; it isn't rude to refuse to give a recipe.  But the method in which either of these things are done can be rude. 

For years, the only cakes I'd make were from Betty Crocker mixes. I have some decorating skill so that is where I chose to spend my time.  I can't tell you how many times people complimented the cake and were incredulous when I'd tell them it was Betty Crocker and to just follow the directions on the box.

When my mother was dying, she and I talked recipes.  In time for the first anniversary of her death, I'd pulled together all the recipes we talked about and had a cookbook printed.  So those are available.  I mostly use the recipes as starting off points, though, changing things according to the availability of the ingredients, substituting and swapping as necessary.  I've never created my own recipes entirely from scratch, though, so I don't know how I'd feel about sharing those.

I have a cookie recipe that I got from somewhere.  One of my coworkers loved them so I gave her the recipe, with extra directions on how to make them because I knew she didn't bake.  I don't know what she did but they were inedible.  Except to her teenaged son and garbage can gut husband.     She gave me the rest of the ingredients she bought that she wouldn't use and this Christmas, when I made a batch, I gave her some so she could show her husband what they were supposed to taste like.

[Hmmmmm]

I have two thoughts on this. 

If it is a recipe that I got from somewhere else in the public domain, I share it since it wasn't mine to begin with. I don't share any extra tips or ingredients I may add or subtract to the recipe
If it is a recipe that I created myself or got from someone, I don't share unless I've been given permission to do so.

Most of my friends and family know that 90% of the time I'll happily share a recipe with them and so don't get upset when I say no.  My go to phrase is "I'm sorry, I don't share that recipe" with a smile.  The smile goes away if you keep asking

really? so if you find a recipe on the internet, and you make it, and you find that the recipe writer forgot to add an egg, or used too much pepper (say they wrote 1 TBLS of hot pepper instead of 1 TSP) - you wouldn't tell someone? you would let them make that same mistake?

I think Pastry Goddess means that if she discovered adding a tsp of lemon juice made it extra fluffy, or that she prefers to omit the dried parsley and use fresh basil instead, she still gives the original recipe. I can see that point of view. The original recipe is delicious as it is, but her changes make it uniquely hers.

I doubt she would deliberately give someone a recipe destined to fail, such as missing an egg or using too much pepper.

That is correct CakeBeret.  I would never give someone a recipe that is destined to fail.  But I don't add in my own flourishes either.

But you make it with your "flourishes," correct? So if you make the recipe and someone asks for it, you actually don't give them the true recipe for what you have just made. So if it does not come out as well, the cook would blame themselves? I think it would be kinder just not to share it at all.

My "flourishes" are not measured, nor included in the recipe.  I almost never make a recipe exactly the same each time.  I'm trained and experienced enough to commit basic recipes to mind and then tweak from there.

I think we're going to have to agree to disagree on this one

Your flourishes are a part of the recipe, that has nothing to do with them being measured or written down somewhere.
If you tell people honestly that what you are giving them is not the complete recipe, I think you are fine, but I personaly would no longer be interested in getting your recipe.
If you do not tell people that what you are giving them is not the recipe that you use, then you are no different from Go Twins sisters ILs.

I have to agree that you should let the requester know you are giving them a base recipe.  I know it's hard to remember if you modify a recipe sometimes.  Ive made the same cookie for my office pot luck for the last 10 years. I got off epicurious.com 15 years ago.  I'm always asked for the recipe, I always email the link, and I'm always told theirs don't turn out the same.  This year I actually compared what I do versus the recipe.  A couple of big differences because there were things that an experienced cook would just do, I didn't even notice they weren't part of the recipe.  I rewrote the recipe and sent it out to everyone I could remember asking for it in the past.  I felt really bad so many people had not had results they were expecting. 

It is very disappointing to not get results you expect.  But I would certainly understand a professional not wanting to give all their unique tips.  But I think it best to tell the requester that it's a base recipe and may not turn out the same. 

[Piratelvr1121]

This reminds me of the episode of Friends when Monica asked for the recipe for Phoebe's chocolate chip cookies. She insisted it was a mystery, the guarded treasure of a friend of her grandmothers and when asked the name, she gave a French pronunciation of "Nestle Tollhouse."

[PastryGoddess]

I do let people know that they are getting the basic recipe and where I got it from.  Again, you might not agree, but that's ok

[VorFemme]

I give out my "special" chocolate chip cookie recipe - it's the one on the back of the Nestle Toll House morsels, large eggs; half the vanilla left out & almond flavoring substituted (I ran out of vanilla after having a baby & couldn't drive to get more for a while); dark brown sugar instead of light brown sugar (extra rich from the molasses flavor); and use half margarine or butter for the fat and half butter flavored vegetable shortening for the other half of the fat (changes the melting point to give you slightly thicker cookies than butter/margarine alone but not so THICK as to be like little cakes as can happen with just shortening). 

Bake for about 8 and a half minutes for the first batch, let cool a bit, and taste for the texture.  Adjust baking time to get a fully cooked but still chewy cookie.

Expect them to get eaten fast...

Then someone will make them with cheap vanilla (and only half of the amount needed) but leave out the almond flavoring (without doubling the vanilla back to the full amount), substitute vegetable oil (very low melting point), medium eggs, and OLD baking soda (they don't rise properly) - then blame ME when the cookies aren't going to taste or look like the ones I made.  It's chemistry as well as art - if you use old or low quality ingredients, then you don't get top quality results. 

Yes, I have one SIL who apparently can't cook...but blames other people's recipes for any odd results.

[Elfmama]

Or the people who post reviews on the cooking sites that say things like "I didn't have any half-and-half, so I used skim milk, and DH hates onions and garlic and green pepper so I left them out.  This was the worst potato soup I ever had!"

[Yvaine]

This reminds me of the episode of Friends when Monica asked for the recipe for Phoebe's chocolate chip cookies. She insisted it was a mystery, the guarded treasure of a friend of her grandmothers and when asked the name, she gave a French pronunciation of "Nestle Tollhouse."

I've told this story on here before, I think, but after my grandmother passed, I got a hankering to make a type of cookie she used to make that involved butterscotch chips. I always thought she just made it up, but I had helped make them once and thought I could improvise from memory. Turns out I didn't have to. I picked up the butterscotch chips in the store and found the recipe printed on the package. 

[MariaE]

I do let people know that they are getting the basic recipe and where I got it from.  Again, you might not agree, but that's ok

As long as you are being open and above-board with what you are sharing then I don't think anybody has a problem with what you're doing. The problem is with people who'll tell you that they are giving you A, when really they are giving you A'. You're telling people you're giving them A', so you're fine