Author Topic: Did I do okay?  (Read 1299 times)

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Isilleke

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Did I do okay?
« on: December 24, 2012, 04:48:12 AM »
BG./ I still live at home, while attending college. This holiday is supposed to be a studymoment right before exams in January. END BG./

On Friday I told my mom that I couldn't help as much as usual, because I also have to go to work a lot and I wanted to use my time wisely. With help, I mean that normally it is expected of me to babysit while she and my sister are making dinner, although I do have 2 brothers and a brother-in-law who are there as well.
She called me selfish for this, which I admit, hurt deeply, but after reading more on this site, I think it's not so much my thing as it is hers.

For example, just this morning, my sister came by and they were discussing something. I was sitting there at their side and suddenly I hear my mother saying "Isilleke can do it". I didn't say anything at the time just that my sister should let me know what she needed me to do when and I would do it.

I did however tell my mother afterwards that I didn't appreciate her not asking me. She got all mad because how dare I: she is sick and my sister has two children and all I care about is how inconvenient it is to me, but FINE she will drive even though she doesn't want to get out of bed. I told her that was beside the point because of course I'll drive, that I was merely saying that I don't like it when she tells people I will do something without consulting me especially when I'm sitting there.

She's still mad at me, but she didn't say anything else, so I'm guessing either she sees this as confirmation that I'm truly selfish or she knows that it's not an unreasonable request.

I'm just wondering now, did I do okay?
Because as I said before in this post, after reading a lot of the posts here, I'm starting to wonder if she has passive - aggressive tendencies or if I'm just seeing things as I want to see them.
If I need to apologize for what I said, I'd also like to know of course.


caz

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Re: Did I do okay?
« Reply #1 on: December 24, 2012, 05:09:56 AM »
Tell your mother that you can't do it and tell your sister to check with you if she wants you to mind her kids.  If they get mad, beandip.  It's tough, but it's what you gotta do!

Don't apologise.  You did nothing wrong.

RingTailedLemur

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Re: Did I do okay?
« Reply #2 on: December 24, 2012, 05:11:53 AM »
It sounds to me like your mother still sees you as a child to be instructed and obey, and you are having to assert your rights and draw boundaries as an adult.  I think you did fine and were very reasonable.

Hawkwatcher

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Re: Did I do okay?
« Reply #3 on: December 24, 2012, 10:01:58 AM »
Tell your mother that you can't do it and tell your sister to check with you if she wants you to mind her kids.  If they get mad, beandip.  It's tough, but it's what you gotta do!

Don't apologise.  You did nothing wrong.


I agree.  I also think that apologizing would be the worse thing that you could do if you want her to take you seriously. 

RebeccainGA

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Re: Did I do okay?
« Reply #4 on: December 24, 2012, 01:22:53 PM »
Welcome to the 'transition to adulthood' phase of your relationship with your parents. It's tough.

No, you shouldn't apologize. Unless you dropped a coupel of F-bombs you didn't mention or something, your response was reasonable, adult, and correct - and they need to adjust their impressions of you to put you in the adult column. Sadly, women typically end up in the 'kid' category until they are in their thirties, or until they have kids (marriage or serious relationships don't even have an effect on this, at least in my family). Awkward, but common. Good luck with your shiny new polite spine!

onyonryngs

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Re: Did I do okay?
« Reply #5 on: December 24, 2012, 01:27:10 PM »
Yup, you did fine.  I would have a discussion with your sister though so that hopefully the next time your mom volunteers you, your sister can pipe up and say, "I'll check with her if you're not able to do it." and if your mom still volunteers you, hopefully she can be firm with "You really shouldn't volunteer her without asking."