Is it really a favour or taking advantage?

[cicero]

she was very rude.

but can i say - you were too nice.

she is a pro, but you need to be on the ball (especially in your line of business) and pick up on these things. you need to have an arsenal of ready-replies (a la "bean dip") for when this happens again.

when she first asked you about the house, you should have been upfront with her "Jellyfish, I'm sorry but I won't be able to help you. I am not allowed to give professional advice without charging you". (note that she basically did a bait-n-switch on you).

when she confirmed that *no matter what* they would be using agent B, that was your cue to say "oh, well, I'm sorry but I can't help you" and leave.

...At this point she seems embarrassed and tells me that I should go, she doesn't want to inconvenience me any further. Admittedly, I'm feeling pretty deflated at this point but I tell her that I'm here now and so, I would do what I can to help.

She perks up immediately and happily takes me on a tour of her home and I offer her several pieces of useful advice (which she follows) and give her a price.

see what she did here? she "seemed" embarrassed, plays the game of "you can go, it's ok, don't worry about me", which makes *you* feel bad so you stay and she perks up immediately.

sounds *exactly* like a 3YO who cries great big crocodile tears, and when parents give in to her demands, turns off the fireworks and turns on the smile.

next time - just say no.  dont' wait for people to treat you professionally - you need to *be* a professional. it's the same with doctors, dentists, lawyers, etc - everyone wants something for nothing...

[Morticia]

The thing that really jumps out at me is that she then had the utter face to then post her ad on your Facebook page. More egregious still, she reposted after you deleted it.   What a pathetic excuse for human being.  After this, I would charge her $50 if she asked what time it was.

[oopsie]

she was very rude.

but can i say - you were too nice.

she is a pro, but you need to be on the ball (especially in your line of business) and pick up on these things. you need to have an arsenal of ready-replies (a la "bean dip") for when this happens again.

when she first asked you about the house, you should have been upfront with her "Jellyfish, I'm sorry but I won't be able to help you. I am not allowed to give professional advice without charging you". (note that she basically did a bait-n-switch on you).

when she confirmed that *no matter what* they would be using agent B, that was your cue to say "oh, well, I'm sorry but I can't help you" and leave.

...At this point she seems embarrassed and tells me that I should go, she doesn't want to inconvenience me any further. Admittedly, I'm feeling pretty deflated at this point but I tell her that I'm here now and so, I would do what I can to help.

She perks up immediately and happily takes me on a tour of her home and I offer her several pieces of useful advice (which she follows) and give her a price.

see what she did here? she "seemed" embarrassed, plays the game of "you can go, it's ok, don't worry about me", which makes *you* feel bad so you stay and she perks up immediately.

sounds *exactly* like a 3YO who cries great big crocodile tears, and when parents give in to her demands, turns off the fireworks and turns on the smile.

next time - just say no.  dont' wait for people to treat you professionally - you need to *be* a professional. it's the same with doctors, dentists, lawyers, etc - everyone wants something for nothing...

Yes, I agree, I was too nice and a doormat. It's frustrating that I let our daughters' relationship cloud my instincts and judgment. I was obviously very naive in believing that because of that relationship, she wouldn't take advantage of me in the first place. It certainly has been a lesson for me as I've been screening potential clients a lot more thoroughly since.

I knew for sure that I had "been had" when she kept posting her For Sale By Owner ads on my personal Facebook page. Hello? Talk about adding salt to the wounds. If she really "got it" that she had goofed in asking me for this "favour", would she have done that three times over? Nope. She was using me, she knew it and she didn't care. And I let her. dingdangity!

 

[random numbers]

What does she do as her self employment? Anything you could use, to balance this out?

[Winterlight]

At this point, I'd chalk it up as a lesson learned and make very sure I don't ever do this again. I'd also write her off as anything more than the mother of a friend of my child.

[oopsie]

What does she do as her self employment? Anything you could use, to balance this out?

Oh yes, totally. She does graphic design.

Should I ask her to come up with some ideas for a new website as a favour but then tell her I'm going to try doing it on my own to save paying out a fee and then if she asks if she'd get my business if I decide to work with a professional, tell her no, that I'm loyal to XYZ Graphic Design Company?

Boggles my mind...

[PastryGoddess]

What does she do as her self employment? Anything you could use, to balance this out?

Oh yes, totally. She does graphic design.

Should I ask her to come up with some ideas for a new website as a favour but then tell her I'm going to try doing it on my own to save paying out a fee and then if she asks if she'd get my business if I decide to work with a professional, tell her no, that I'm loyal to XYZ Graphic Design Company?

Boggles my mind...

No no that's retaliatory rudeness.    tempting, but we don't want you sharing e-hell with her now do we?

[random numbers]

No, a straight-up, remember that favor I did you? Well, I could use....

Not PA, but hopefully she has enough of a conscience to help you.

[Shoo]

I think you should chalk this up as a lesson learned and forget all about this person.  She's not a friend, she's not family...  She's someone you are acquainted with and that's it.  And now you know that you have to be on your toes when people ask for professional favors from you.  This lady has taught you something valuable (this is the silver lining speach) 

[CreteGirl]

Rude, and I'm sure your broker would not approve of you giving your time and information away for free, either.  Real estate agents take on liability when giving professional advice.  The ability to earn a commission is compensation for that liability.  True, the liability in this instance was small, however it is there for you and your broker anytime you take action in your professional capacity.

She was taking advantage, and she knew it.

[cicero]

I knew for sure that I had "been had" when she kept posting her For Sale By Owner ads on my personal Facebook page. Hello? Talk about adding salt to the wounds. If she really "got it" that she had goofed in asking me for this "favour", would she have done that three times over? Nope. She was using me, she knew it and she didn't care. And I let her. dingdangity!

 

I meant to comment on this before - is she posting her ads on your page? or is she posting them on *her* page and they show up on your wall/news feed? if the latter - you can change things so that you don't see her new posts on your wall.

[oopsie]

What does she do as her self employment? Anything you could use, to balance this out?

Oh yes, totally. She does graphic design.

Should I ask her to come up with some ideas for a new website as a favour but then tell her I'm going to try doing it on my own to save paying out a fee and then if she asks if she'd get my business if I decide to work with a professional, tell her no, that I'm loyal to XYZ Graphic Design Company?

Boggles my mind...

No no that's retaliatory rudeness.    tempting, but we don't want you sharing e-hell with her now do we?

I was just kidding of course. I would never. Writing it out in a role reversal helps to highlight how unthinkable such an action is/was. Do unto others, etc., etc.

[oopsie]

I knew for sure that I had "been had" when she kept posting her For Sale By Owner ads on my personal Facebook page. Hello? Talk about adding salt to the wounds. If she really "got it" that she had goofed in asking me for this "favour", would she have done that three times over? Nope. She was using me, she knew it and she didn't care. And I let her. dingdangity!

 

I meant to comment on this before - is she posting her ads on your page? or is she posting them on *her* page and they show up on your wall/news feed? if the latter - you can change things so that you don't see her new posts on your wall.

She posted them on her page but then "shared" them with me so that they were posted to my page as well. This meant that the ad would show up on my newsfeed and the newsfeed of all my friends and appear on my page to anyone who looked me up. It was definitely deliberate, all three times she did it.

[cicero]

I knew for sure that I had "been had" when she kept posting her For Sale By Owner ads on my personal Facebook page. Hello? Talk about adding salt to the wounds. If she really "got it" that she had goofed in asking me for this "favour", would she have done that three times over? Nope. She was using me, she knew it and she didn't care. And I let her. dingdangity!

 

I meant to comment on this before - is she posting her ads on your page? or is she posting them on *her* page and they show up on your wall/news feed? if the latter - you can change things so that you don't see her new posts on your wall.

She posted them on her page but then "shared" them with me so that they were posted to my page as well. This meant that the ad would show up on my newsfeed and the newsfeed of all my friends and appear on my page to anyone who looked me up. It was definitely deliberate, all three times she did it.

gotcha

[Surianne]

She was honest with you, both about selling herself and using the other agent if she couldn't, so I think that if you thought it was more than you were willing to do as a favour, you could have left at any time.

Yes, but after I had already taken the time and gas to drive there. I realize I could have left (and the thought certainly did cross my mind) but should she have even asked this "favour" of me at all knowing her real intentions is the question...?

Ugh, that's really frustrating.  I agree, seems like she was deliberately taking advantage of you.  I can see how you were caught off guard at the time.  Thanks for clarifying.