The SIL in a snit and the traveling pies Update post 56

[demarco]

Background: DH's sister is a very PA individual.  We  ignored her behavior for a long time (decades) which wasn't hard because she lived far  from us and we seldom saw her.  We spoke on the phone occasionally and met at her parents' every few years.  Things  blew up several years ago. It was mainly between SIL and DH but she dragged my name through the mud during her tirades and blamed me for everything.  I never spoke to her again. DH has spoken to her and seen her a few times.  She and DH exchange birthday cards and we continued to send each other Christmas gifts and cards.  FWIW, the gifts are usually food gifts from catalogs.  End of background. 

This year, DH sent a selection of mini pies to SIL.  The pies were shipped by UPS from a bakery in one state  to her house on the east coast.  Imagine my surprise when they were delivered to our house,  in a third state. It is not clear whether or not she opened the package.  It is clear that she received the package and shipped it on to us.  No note, no nothing, just pies.

There was no shipping mistake.  The package was shipped to "Dr. And Mrs. Demarco".  No one on earth ever addresses us that way  except SIL  and neither the bakery nor UPS  would have known to call us that. 

Something has set SIL off again.  We don't know what it is.  I suspect her dream is that DH will call her and ask what's up which will give her the opportunity to unload on him for something.  DH's inclination is to do nothing.

What would you do in a case like this? 

(We ate the pies.)

 

[LeveeWoman]

Background: DH's sister is a very PA individual.  We  ignored her behavior for a long time (decades) which wasn't hard because she lived far  from us and we seldom saw her.  We spoke on the phone occasionally and met at her parents' every few years.  Things  blew up several years ago. It was mainly between SIL and DH but she dragged my name through the mud during her tirades and blamed me for everything.  I never spoke to her again. DH has spoken to her and seen her a few times.  She and DH exchange birthday cards and we continued to send each other Christmas gifts and cards.  FWIW, the gifts are usually food gifts from catalogs.  End of background. 

This year, DH sent a selection of mini pies to SIL.  The pies were shipped by UPS from a bakery in one state  to her house on the east coast.  Imagine my surprise when they were delivered to our house,  in a third state. It is not clear whether or not she opened the package.  It is clear that she received the package and shipped it on to us.  No note, no nothing, just pies.

There was no shipping mistake.  The package was shipped to "Dr. And Mrs. Demarco".  No one on earth ever addresses us that way  except SIL  and neither the bakery nor UPS  would have known to call us that. 

Something has set SIL off again.  We don't know what it is.  I suspect her dream is that DH will call her and ask what's up which will give her the opportunity to unload on him for something.  DH's inclination is to do nothing.

What would you do in a case like this? 

(We ate the pies.)

 

That's all I would do.

[MamaMootz]

I'm sorry, I have no initial advice, but I have to say that I loved your title. I was picturing little pies with legs scampering about and piling into a volkswagen, clown car style. Made me laugh.

OK now that I got that out of the way, I think you did exactly what you needed to do. DH has a very wise inclination.... do exactly nothing, and glad you ate the pies. Hopefully, you enjoyed them.

It will drive her nuts that you aren't calling her, and her issues will come forth soon enough. She'll do something else to try and get your attention again. As far as I would be concerned, unless something is communicated directly, I would be thinking there is nothing wrong and it was very nice of her to send me some pie 

[Sharnita]

Were the pies sealed? i wouldn't eat them if I wasn't sure she hadn't tampered with them. I wouldn't attempt to find out what set her off.  If somebody tried to fill me in I would tell them I wasn't interested. If she tried to make contact at some future point I would rebuff her.  No more gifts sent to ehr.  Anything she sends donated to some worthy charity or deserving person.

[lynnetteleigh]

The evil part of me would have sent her a thank you note after eating the pies 

But civil me would just ignore it. She can't be an adult and communicate with you. So I wouldn't waste time trying to pry it out of her.

[Jelaza]

Yeah, just eat the pies and wait.

Also, MamaMootz has a very appropriate signature line for this topic.

[demarco]

Were the pies sealed? i wouldn't eat them if I wasn't sure she hadn't tampered with them. I wouldn't attempt to find out what set her off.  If somebody tried to fill me in I would tell them I wasn't interested. If she tried to make contact at some future point I would rebuff her.  No more gifts sent to ehr.  Anything she sends donated to some worthy charity or deserving person.

The pies were sealed. 

[WillyNilly]

I absolutely think you should send a thank you note! Mention something like "great minds think alike" or "we guess you liked th ones we sent you if you sent them to us". Out PA her by taking the high road. Its very frustrating to not know if someone got a package or not, so let her know you did, just not in a way that plays her game.

[AngelicGamer]

Question - is it possible that the both of you sent the same gift to each other?  Or is it clear that a different label got placed on an original one?

[demarco]

Question - is it possible that the both of you sent the same gift to each other?  Or is it clear that a different label got placed on an original one?

No. Not possible.  Inside the box was sheet with SIL and SIL's husband's name and address as the recipients and the message that DH sent to them, "Happy holidays from [DH] and demarco."

[rose red]

You are doing the right thing.  Do nothing except eat the pies.  If SIL has a problem, she can put on her big girl panties and talk to you guys like a big girl.

[JenJay]

I absolutely think you should send a thank you note! Mention something like "great minds think alike" or "we guess you liked th ones we sent you if you sent them to us". Out PA her by taking the high road. Its very frustrating to not know if someone got a package or not, so let her know you did, just not in a way that plays her game.

Oh heck yes!

[AngelicGamer]

Question - is it possible that the both of you sent the same gift to each other?  Or is it clear that a different label got placed on an original one?

No. Not possible.  Inside the box was sheet with SIL and SIL's husband's name and address as the recipients and the message that DH sent to them, "Happy holidays from [DH] and demarco."

Awesome - thank you for getting back so quickly!  I was thinking "...well, that's happened to me before" so I was curious. 

[gramma dishes]

...    I suspect her dream is that DH will call her and ask what's up which will give her the opportunity to unload on him for something.  DH's inclination is to do nothing. ...

I think DH's inclination is correct.  Do nothing.  It will drive her crazy!!   

Glad you ate the pies.  Hope you savored every bite!  Pies are precious and should never go to waste.

[gramma dishes]

Just thought of something else.  By your saying nothing, she has no way of knowing for sure that the pies ever made their way back to you. 

What if they didn't?  Then her plan would have had no result at all.   You wouldn't know she'd rejected them.

As it now stands, she's sitting there waiting for the call she's SURE is forthcoming from you or your DH ... and waiting ... and waiting ... and ...