The SIL in a snit and the traveling pies Update post 56

[VorFemme]

You got to eat the pies.

SIL got to be a drama llama.

You win - pie is MUCH better than being a drama llama ( with or without an audience)!

[demarco]

I think your DH was more than generous to her to maintain a relationship with her after she treated you the way she did. I'm a little baffled, really, as to why he didn't maintain a united front with you, unless he made it very clear to her that he wouldn't tolerate her treating you that way any further and that his staying in contact with her didn't mean that he accepted that behavior.

I understand your point but the relationship was minimal (last time DH saw actually SIL was in 2006 during a crisis with a parent) and didn't bother me.  I think it will shrink down to just about nothing, now that The Great Pie Incident of 2012 has occurred.  We'll be scratching them off our gift list, at least. 

[demarco]

I think your husband did the wrong thing. And I think you should tell him that.

You should have sent the pies to me. They've traveled some already. What's yet another state on their journey?

Next time, Dotty.  : )

[Minmom3]

Perfectly put, Vorfemme! 

[jedikaiti]

I have been thinking of good pie slogans that you can share with SIL.  Here is a few I came up with:

Revenge is a dish best served cold....and so are pies.

So now you can have your pies and eat them, too. 

A pie in the hand is worth two in the mail.

When the going gets tough, the tough eat pie.

The journey of a thousand pies begins with one bite.

And I just found my new sig line!

[zyrs]

She returned your gift with no notice or commentary.  Don't contact her.

[snappylt]

I agree with the many other posters who say to do nothing.  I think that will probably drive SIL nuts, not knowing your reaction to her rejection of your gift.

I'll predict that you or your husband may hear from her when she gets frustrated over not knowing what your reaction was.  Could you please let us know what she says or does?

[veryfluffy]

You got to eat the pies.

SIL got to be a drama llama.

We often advise "Don't feed the drama llama."
Well, now we know that drama llamas don't eat pie.

[Slartibartfast]

I think you're due for a "Sorry you didn't like the pies; Merry Christmas!" card, honestly, just to make sure it really was intentional (I'd hate for you to cut her over a postal error), but I'm guessing she's trying to give you the cut direct.  Not accepting gifts is one of the things we tend to advocate on eHell as a way to cut ties with toxic relatives, so that may be what she intended.  I agree that your DH shouldn't feel obligated to call, and I don't think etiqueete demands a thank-you note for a "gift" when it's a blatant forwarding of something you bought them!

[acicularis]

I'll predict that you or your husband may hear from her when she gets frustrated over not knowing what your reaction was.  Could you please let us know what she says or does?

I'm having fun imagining the conversation:

Snitty SIL: Did you get the pies I sent back to you?

demarco or demarco's dh: Yes, thank you! They were delicious! They survived their travels very well; we'll definitely be buying from that catalogue again.

Snitty:  <spluttering> But --but I sent them back to you because I hate you and won't accept gifts from you, you boo boo dum dum head* !

demarco or demarco's dh: Well then, it worked out for everyone. Thanks again! Bye!

*or words to that effect

[fluffy]

I think you're due for a "Sorry you didn't like the pies; Merry Christmas!" card, honestly, just to make sure it really was intentional (I'd hate for you to cut her over a postal error), but I'm guessing she's trying to give you the cut direct.  Not accepting gifts is one of the things we tend to advocate on eHell as a way to cut ties with toxic relatives, so that may be what she intended.  I agree that your DH shouldn't feel obligated to call, and I don't think etiqueete demands a thank-you note for a "gift" when it's a blatant forwarding of something you bought them!

From what the OP wrote, it sounds like the package with the pies in it pretty clearly came from the SIL. Because it was addressed to Dr. and Mrs. Demarco and SIL is the only person who calls them that.

OP, did your SIL send you a gift this year?

[demarco]

It didn't take long. SIL's email began with, "I wanted you to know why I returned your gift..." and proceeded to list some of our many transgressions.  It concluded with, "if you want to have a relationship with me, you know where I am." It was ugly, manipulative, and classic SIL.  It contained language designed to draw a wedge between DH and I and other members of the extended family.

There was a time when an email like this would have tied me up in knots, rendered me sleepless,  and ruined my holiday.  I am so grateful that DH and I are beyond that now. 

There is a lot of power that comes from not caring. 

[Snooks]

There is a lot of power that comes from not caring.

And pies, never underestimate the power of pie.

[rose red]

There was a time when an email like this would have tied me up in knots, rendered me sleepless,  and ruined my holiday.  I am so grateful that DH and I are beyond that now. 

There is a lot of power that comes from not caring.

Sounds like she's tying herself in knots and her holiday is being ruined just waiting breathlessly for a response from you guys admitting you are wrong and begging for forgiveness. 

Continue radio silence.  Although.....would it be that wrong to reply with a picture of a pie? 

[Slartibartfast]

I'd reply with an email saying "Okay, thanks for the pies!" and then block her from your email/Facebook/etc.  Nothing is as frustrating to someone like this as not having an audience!