After Christmas Party, and Supplying Everything. UPDATE post 81

[Tabby Uprising]

And the anger doesn't even factor into this at all I guess. It's just that Great-Aunt has been vitriolic to our family in the past, and I just can't fathom spending time with her, even if she is dying, but I will go and suck it up for the sake of family harmony. I also get anxious around big crowds of family (Bigger than just Christmas and Christmas Eve), and that is playing into this as well.

I guess there is no way around it and I will have to make a dessert... somehow.

How about jello?  Jello's yummy.  If you had cookie cutters you could cut it into cute little shapes, maybe?

[snowdragon]

 Rice Pudding - cheap easy and if even better if you skip the raisins

http://allrecipes.com/recipe/creamy-rice-pudding/

[bloo]

Given your dire financial situation, not being on good terms with your great aunt and your anxiety issues being around groups of other people, I'm not sure it's a good idea at all for you to attend. You likely will have a terrible time and if you have a panic attack it might cause more chaos for your relatives than it's worth. Plus, if your great aunt has been that awful to you in the past, I can't imagine that her last days would be much improved by seeing you, or you her.

I vote you just get yourself a case of diplomatic flu and save yourself and everyone else the anguish.

Okay with the update...now this!

[Isisnin]

Nikko-chan, whenever I'm stumped for a recipe and ain't got $, I look over the local supermarket flyers for inspiration.

I like snowdragon's idea of rice pudding - yum!

Also Death by Chocolate:
 http://allrecipes.com/Recipe/Death-by-Chocolate/Detail.aspx

another delicious dessert whose ingredients seem to be on sale everywhere. 

[Jones]

And the anger doesn't even factor into this at all I guess. It's just that Great-Aunt has been vitriolic to our family in the past, and I just can't fathom spending time with her, even if she is dying, but I will go and suck it up for the sake of family harmony. I also get anxious around big crowds of family (Bigger than just Christmas and Christmas Eve), and that is playing into this as well.

I guess there is no way around it and I will have to make a dessert... somehow.

Jello. 50 cents a box and hot water. Best of luck to you!!

[poundcake]

Also Death by Chocolate:
 http://allrecipes.com/Recipe/Death-by-Chocolate/Detail.aspx

another delicious dessert whose ingredients seem to be on sale everywhere.

I would call it something else under these particular circumstances though. 

[Nikko-chan]

UPDATE:

I have found a dessert recipe that is cheap to make (I have everything for it) if I have to go to this thing. I am actually shaking just thinking about seeing these people again.

The recipe is here:
http://www.myrecipes.com/recipe/snickerdoodle-bars-10000001875126/

[Deetee]

If you don't want to go, decline. If you go, go cheerfully.

 It really is that simple.

[mrkitty]

UPDATE:

I have found a dessert recipe that is cheap to make (I have everything for it) if I have to go to this thing. I am actually shaking just thinking about seeing these people again.

The recipe is here:
http://www.myrecipes.com/recipe/snickerdoodle-bars-10000001875126/

Then I suggest you don't go. Given what you've described and the fact that you're having symptoms of an anxiety attack just *thinking* about seeing 'these people' again, I can't imagine how your presence there would contribute to family harmony - for yourself or anyone else.

Contact your cousin and explain that you're too sick to go. Or, have your mother go by herself and express your regrets that you couldn't make it for any plausible reason you can think of. Stay home, relax, and consider yourself well rid of 'these people', especially your great aunt for whom the family is gathering to say goodbye - hopefully with a measure of comfort and peace. If you can't or won't contribute to a positive experience, I think it would be the height of selfishness for you to go.


**edited for grammar**

[Danika]

I have a very toxic family. It took me years to realize that "do it because it's faaaamily" is the battle cry of people who have good family relationships and don't understand what it's truly like to despise, distrust, loathe and get physically ill because of the people who should love you most.

Stay home.

[TootsNYC]

I second the vote for staying home.

And if you do go, I'll put in my vote for Jell-O. You can get store-brand, which is fine, and make a double or triple batch. And people love it, actually!

[Octavia]

I also support the decision for you and your mother declining the invitation. First reason is that, based on the background you've provided, it appears that nothing you do will bring you into better standing with your extended family. So why spend money you don't have to try to please people who don't think highly of you anyway? My second reason does not seem to have been discussed yet but should be considered. I'm not sure it's a wise idea for your extended family to expose your dying Great Aunt to a full-on holiday celebration with many attendees if she is supposedly in such a fragile state. You could make a good case for wanting to spend some quiet, quality time with her on another day when it would be less stressful for her (and for you and your mother). But even if the second reason is valid, be careful how you word it to others as it could be taken as accusing your extended family of hastening your great aunt's demise.

[Girly]

UPDATE:

I have found a dessert recipe that is cheap to make (I have everything for it) if I have to go to this thing. I am actually shaking just thinking about seeing these people again.

The recipe is here:
http://www.myrecipes.com/recipe/snickerdoodle-bars-10000001875126/

With your initial post, and subsequent follow ups, I would honestly just decline to go. Going to a party with people you obviously don't like isn't going to 'keep family harmony'.

I wish you luck with your family. It sounds like you have a lot going on right now.

[peach2play]

A family summons is still an invite and you don't have to go.  Yes, you might have to deal with the emotional fall out later so weigh the pros and cons of going.  If you truly don't want to go, then don't and don't JADE your reason, just decline to go.

[BarensMom]

Do yourself a favor - decline this "invitation."  Just tell them you already have plans, then go do something good for yourself.

Anyone who tries to tell me I HAVE to bring a certain type of dish would get a "sorry, no" from me.