Your butt is showing!

[oopsie]

So we're on holiday at Disney World and get back to our room late at night. My daughter says "hey mom, the back of your capris are ripped." I turn around and look at my butt in the mirror and true enough, there is a big hole right by the corner seam of my pocket. I asked my daughter "when did you notice this?" and she said "earlier in the day, back when we were in the park. I was going to say something to you but Grandma said not to, that there was nothing you could do about it anyway and it would just make you self-conscious."

So they knew and didn't tell me that my butt was showing??? Well, not my whole butt but definitely part of a cheek.

 

I'm genuinely perplexed about the etiquette on this. I know that my mom's intentions were good but(t)...

On the one hand, she does have a point. On the other, I could have easily ducked in to a gift shop and bought a replacement pair of shorts. In reality, I'm not sure which embarrassment would have been worse. Being told in the middle of the park that I have a hole or being told at the end of the day and realizing that they knew the whole time and didn't let ME in on it? It's embarrassing enough that I didn't notice myself (in my defense it was in September and VERY hot. It's not like you'd feel a cool breeze if you know what I mean.)

What would you have done if you were in my mother's shoes?

[pearls n purls]

I would have told you.  Even if you couldn't find a pair of shorts, you could have bought a shirt to wrap around your waist.

[Amara]

I would have told you. Knowing it and accepting that there may be nothing you can do about it is quite different from going around not knowing it. With the former you can walk a little different, or stand more against walls or your family (or buy that pair of shorts). Not knowing? You are now stuck with the embarrassing memory of the whole day you walked around showing some cheek. 

[Sharnita]

My first thought was that you could have bought something froma gift shop to hide it.  Grandma should have told you or let DD tell you.

[MommyPenguin]

I think your mother's *idea* was sound, in that we always tell people that they should tell somebody of a problem like that only if they can fix it, and pretend not to notice if it's something that can't be fixed.  However, it sounds like she made the judgment for you that there was no fix, when, as others have pointed out, you could have bought new shorts, bought something to wrap around your shorts to cover it, kept your back to the wall, or even maybe bought a big sticker or duct tape or something to stick over the hole.

[JenJay]

I would have told you.  Even if you couldn't find a pair of shorts, you could have bought a shirt to wrap around your waist.

Yup

[diesel_darlin]

 I know that my mom's intentions were good but(t)...

I see what you did there! 

I would have told you. Especially since there are gift shops that sell clothing. You could have ducked in, gotten another pair of shorts/pants and not worried about the hole in your capris. Or as MommyPenguin suggested, duct tape. Duct tape fixes everything!

[Annoyed in America]

Don't worry too much about it...no one there but you family knows you!

[DottyG]

Going to jump on several bandwagons here.

I would have told you.

There was something that could have been done (several great suggestions above).

Don't worry about it. No one but your family and the entire world now that you mentioned it here at EHell (  just playin' with ya!) knows about it. Anyone that saw it there will forget about it as soon as something new occupies their minds tomorrow (people have short attention spans for such things) - if they even noticed at all.

[sweetonsno]

Both your mom and your daughter messed up. The rule is that you shouldn't tell someone about a wardrobe malfunction if there's nothing they can do about it. Your daughter screwed up by telling you after the fact. This is akin to telling someone that their zipper was undone the entire time they were making a sales pitch to the CEO. Obviously, if the damage is done, it can't be undone. In both cases, cluing someone in when it's too late only results in embarrassment for the person who accidentally gave others a sneak peek.

Your mother erred in that she did not clue you in to something that could be corrected. (This is like not telling someone that their zipper is undone before they make the presentation.) It's a bit of a judgment call as to whether or not something can be fixed, but I think Mom made a bad call. She should have let you know as soon as she noticed so you could buy some new shorts or get a big shirt to cover up. That said, don't lose any sleep over it. Those who matter don't mind and those who mind don't matter.

(Also, it could be worse: I once had a friend let me know that my pants were torn while we were out at a club. Because changing/replacing the pants wasn't an option at that hour, and we were both somewhat inebriated, she helpfully made an identical tear on the opposite side. Whoops.)

[TomatoBunny]

I agree with the others. It's not like Disney is a barren wasteland with no stores in a 50 mile radius. There were several available options; new shorts, a cover-up, or even a sticker, in their many, many, many souvenir shops. Depending on your hotel location/current park, you could have possibly even popped back to your hotel room easily. I think that you should have been told so that you could have remedied the problem how you saw fit. And really, grandma (or whoever) could have ducked into a store for you as well.

[cicero]

i agree with the PPs.

one of them should have alterted you - even if you weren't in a place with many many stores, at least you would have been aware, could have made sure to stand with your back to a wall. and since you had a lot of stores there- you could have bought a new pair of shorts or slacks, or a long shirt to cover.

your mother's basis for not telling may have been partially sound ("that there was nothing you could do about it anyway and it would just make you self-conscious.") but the fact of the matter is that you *could* have fixed this easily.

I'm genuinely perplexed about the etiquette on this. I know that my mom's intentions were good but(t)...

good one!

[Iris]

PODding everyone. I would add though that when Dd was asked when she noticed the tear it would have been much kinder to say "oh, just now". If you are trying to avoid someone feeling self conscious then telling them later that they walked around all day with their backside showing is NOT going to help. If you're going to do a thing, do it properly.

[YummyMummy66]

CRUD MONKEYS!...I would have been so mad at my mother!  Really?   

I think I would ask her how she would have felt if that had been her the whole day?

I know it is over and you will probably never see anyone that you saw that day or that saw you, but I would be shrinking from embarrassment for a good long while and constantly checking my butt!

[Emmy]

I agree that your mom made a bad call and I would be a little annoyed that she made the decision for me that it is better to be exposed and not know it a good part of the day than try the good options several previous poster have recommended.  I think even if gift shops were not available and the hotel room was not convenient, many people would rather go back to the hotel room and change clothes.  I would rather know when somebody first saw it and fix it than not know and wonder how many people I flashed at the end of the day.

Your daughter kind of defeated the purpose of not making you feel self-conscious.  It would be embarrassing to recall how to how many people you inadvertently exposed your rear end at the end of the day.  The good thing is none of those people know you and probably won't remember.  In this situation, the person will likely feel some embarrassment no matter when they find out about the rip so it is better to minimize the damage ASAP.