Re-gifting again...

[Brisvegasgal]

IMO Re-gifting is rude if the recipient knows it's being re-gifted. I will happily re-gift in two scenarios. 1. The re-gift is in addition to a purchased for the person gift (and explained to the receiver that the secondary gift was an unwanted present).
2. The re-gift is given to someone as a 'for no real reason' gift.  My husband recently was given some chocolates neither of us like, so I took them into work to give them to a colleague. I was clear that this was a re-gift because I thought she'd like them.

[gellchom]

I don't understand why you would make a point of always telling a recipient the gift is a regift.  There may be times when it makes sense to do so, but why make it a rule?  Full disclosure?  For what?  I can' t see how it would make the recipient feel good.  To me, that's like saying that if you bought a gift at a discount store or used a coupon or a store credit to buy it, you must tell the recipient that, lest they be misled into thinking you spent more than you did, or something. 

If it's a nice gift, it's a nice gift, period, and the way you got it isn't the recipient's business any more than the price is.  (If it's not a nice gift, then it's not, even if you'd bought it.)

[VorFemme]

We were moving from Georgia to Texas in 2005 - most of my kitchen things went on the moving van....but as the repairs to the old house dragged on (not as fast or easy to find the tradespeople as I had thought), I realized that I was going to be there too long to just "camp out" with minimal kitchen supplies. 

Once I got to head to the new house - I had some duplicates.  I passed them along to various relatives who might find them useful - but the timing being Christmas was because that was when we saw them.  They were not wrapped nor referred to as "presents" - they were "I have a couple of duplicates - could you use a rice cooker (actual example) or one of the other duplicated items?"

We still have a duplicate George Foreman grill (larger one - which makes it easier to grill steaks when it is raining) and a duplicate crock pot/slow cooker - but the new one is thirty-five years newer and I like having the crock come out to run through the dishwasher.  I also like having two crock pots when it comes time to feed a larger crowd - even if it is only a couple of times a year!

[Yankeegal77]

Just my two cents, but...

1. OP, I would worry a little less about what you receive and your children reciprocating to full value. Unless there is another chapter to the story we don't know or that I missed, such as your sister having a long history of animosity/PA behavior, it's possible she's just doing her best. I have friends and some family who are fabulous people, we love each other, but I receive the most tacky, useless gifts. And yes, some of these are re-gifts.

My strategy is to smile, thank the person profusely for the thought, AND write a thank-you note. As for the gift, well...if it's not going to earn its keep, it get donated. Or...regifted, if it's in very good shape and I know it would appeal to someone. (My grandmother once gave me a fringed leather purse that I *hated* but I knew my now-ex-BF's mother would love. Brand new, still had paper stuffing in it, the purse was her gift and she's still using it years later. Re-gifting isn't necessarily a bad thing.)

2. As for your kids--TootsNYC is absolutely correct. If your kids are old enough, give them  a budget and teach them to think about a good gift, shop for one, wrap and send it. It's a good lesson for them that the value of a gift isn't necessarily on the price tag, but in regard to the thought that's put into it.

Basically, her poor choices in gift-giving should be a side note. If you have an otherwise fine relationship and you're going to exchange gifts, give her whatever you feel like for the sake of giving a gift, even if you receive something you don't like. Don't make this a hill to die on. (You can also find items in good shape at thrift shops, if you want to "even things up.")



Edited to add a point I forgot to earlier.

[siamesecat2965]

Once I got to head to the new house - I had some duplicates.  I passed them along to various relatives who might find them useful - but the timing being Christmas was because that was when we saw them.  They were not wrapped nor referred to as "presents" - they were "I have a couple of duplicates - could you use a rice cooker (actual example) or one of the other duplicated items?"

I don't think of this as regifting, really. I only consider it re=gifting if i'm giving someone something AS a birthday, christmas or other occasion gift, and its something someone gave me. Anything else i simply will ask friends, hey, i have two of these, or don't care for this candle scent, would you like it?  I did that with a co=worker who was moving into her first apt. i had three teakettles, and only needed one. so i asked if she could use one, which she could, but to me, that's not a gift, that simply passing along something I no longer find useful to someone who does.

I only re-gift items that are new, and i KNOW the giftee will like or can use.  I did have to laugh; my mom regifted me something I had put in her stocking last Christmas, and silly me blurted that out.  she was a bit embarassed, but i told her hey, its cute, and I was kicking myself for not getting any for me, so its all good.  but it was my mom, so we can joke about stuff like that. it was these cute little green plastic frog clips!

[NotCinderell]

Honestly, I'd let this one go.  She's already spending generous amounts of money on your kids, and you don't really need a gift, do you?

[bonyk]

I re-gifted about 10 presents to one family member this Christmas, and I told him that they were re-gifts.   I gave him a bunch of presents that my students had given me that I didn't really want, but I knew he would love.  I told him they were re-gifts because I had already purchased him a "real" gift in addition to these, and I wanted to explain why I was giving him so much.

[mbbored]

Thanks all for the great input.  My sister does not have kids.  She has cats.  She is married.  She has taken an interest in my two kids since they were little and sees them a couple of times a year, so she is not very close to them.  She gives them a generous monetary gift at Christmas and Birthdays, so I am compelled to reciprocate.  I had told her a few years ago to not give me anything, but since I give her gift certificate I guess she feels compelled.  I only do this since she spends quite a bit on my kids and my kids can't reciprocate.  I guess I can speak to her again.

Yes, they can. Unless they're 18 months old, and even then they could, with the right coaching and support.

I suggest you stop giving her anything directly from you, and instead coach your kids to think of a present for her. Even if you fund it, they can choose it and wrap it, etc.

I have to agree with this. I started to receive homemade gifts from my niece and nephew once they hit pre-k stage: shrinky dink pendants (that are actually really cool), candles, facial scrub, potholders. Yes, I'm know my sis and her husband have heavy influence over these gifts, but they mean a lot. And I love my duct tape wallet.

[Sharnita]

ANd not even homemade gifts - last year my nieces and nephews "gave" me gifts funded by mom and dad and for at least a couple of them there was strong adult directions too but having the kids hand it to me and sign the card, even with scratches, means a lot.

[Lynn2000]

I also feel like there might be more to the story, or some unanswered questions at least. If you're giving your sister a gift that is clearly presented as being from you, I can see why she feels the need to give something in return that is clearly for you. I could imagine her being frustrated and feeling like you're giving her mixed messages--you say, let's not exchange gifts, then you give her a gift. You know that you're giving her a gift in return for what she gives your kids; but even if you've told her this, it still might feel weird to her. I like the idea of having your kids help in picking out a gift for her somehow--even if you just get her a gift card, they could help package it or draw her a picture to go with it or something. Then the gift would be much more "from" the kids, in return for the gifts she gave them.

I think the regifting is a separate issue, and it's not clear to me whether she's giving you junky gifts, or nice stuff that misses the mark, or what. I don't think regifting is automatically bad by any means. To me what matters is that you truly think the recipient will enjoy it (not just that you want to get rid of it). If you think she's just pulling random stuff off her shelves to get rid of it, and arbitrarily slapping your name on "to" line, I can see how that would be irritating. If you switch to sending her gifts "from" your kids, and she still doesn't change her ways, you could either mention it to her again--that she doesn't need to get you a gift at all, as "you" are not getting her a gift--or you could just accept the odd gifts graciously, dispose of them as you please, and not give it a second thought. Maybe try to see it as funny or something.

[Venus193]

I don't understand why you would make a point of always telling a recipient the gift is a regift.  There may be times when it makes sense to do so, but why make it a rule?  Full disclosure?  For what?  I can' t see how it would make the recipient feel good.  To me, that's like saying that if you bought a gift at a discount store or used a coupon or a store credit to buy it, you must tell the recipient that, lest they be misled into thinking you spent more than you did, or something. 

If it's a nice gift, it's a nice gift, period, and the way you got it isn't the recipient's business any more than the price is.  (If it's not a nice gift, then it's not, even if you'd bought it.)

I completely agree with this.