Help! Party music. Long! Update post 14

[Calypso]

DH and I are hosting Christmas, which is not something we've often been able to do. All the guests are my relatives (Mom, cousin, brother, SIL, nieces).

BG: DH Looooves music, is extremely knowledgeable about it, and has....um.....refined taste, you might say. I've learned a lot from him and enjoy most of the kinds of things he likes.

I have rather more plebeian tastes. I have no problem with pop, synthesizer music, and "inauthentic" arrangements of things (Sweetie could NOT understand why I prefer the gentle meandering version of the Pachelbel Canon that I grew up with to his historically correct, faster tempo version, played on period instruments---which to me sounds like something an oompa-band would perform  To him, historically correct is always better.

For Christmas, I'm doing the cooking and decorating. He wanted to put together the music to be in the background and I enthusiastically agreed. Keep in mind, (as I thought I made clear to him) that NOBODY in my family is into, well, what would you call it? Challenging music 
"Do you have any regular Christmas music?" I asked him. "Of course," he said, and, well, since he has literally more than 5,000 CDs not to mention the extensive MP3 files, I believed it.

He's playing the 2+ hour long file now. I have had to hide in the bedroom with my nerves in shreds (it's been a long day).
There's lots and lots of traditional music, if by traditional you mean what people would have listened to in Northern Europe from 1200-1850....a lot of it sounds like dirges. It's beautifully performed, well sung, and it belongs to this party and this group of people like a nice cup of anthrax.
I've already hurt his feelings by fleeing. What CAN I say to express 1) thank you for doing all this work, 2) no no no no no and 3) will you want to commit seppuku if I get a CD with Christmas carols and Jingle bells and things of that sort on it? 

[Sharnita]

Maybe tell him that the music is fantastic but Christmas music is about personal memories for most people and that thwile the music of 1200-1850 was beautiful, maybe even superior, the people at the party won't remember 1200-1850.

[violinp]

Maybe tell him that the music is fantastic but Christmas music is about personal memories for most people and that thwile the music of 1200-1850 was beautiful, maybe even superior, the people at the party won't remember 1200-1850.

Exactly this.

[Bethalize]

Maybe tell him that the music is fantastic but Christmas music is about personal memories for most people and that thwile the music of 1200-1850 was beautiful, maybe even superior, the people at the party won't remember 1200-1850.

That is fabulous! I laughed out loud, which might mean there's a little bit of smack-down coming through.

I think part of the problem is in specifying. I've been caught by "normal" before. To me that's carols like we sing church. To my cousin in meant the most saccharin ballads she could find. I would rather have a CD of Christmas number ones.

I suggest you take a modified version of Sharnita's approach and ask that the list be one quarter what he's chosen, one-quarter choirs singing traditional Christmas carols such as Good King Wenceslas and the remaining half 20th Century onwards tunes such as Chestnuts roasting on an open fire.

[gorplady]

I use Pandora, and I made a shuffle station of the Family Christmas (Bing, Jimmy Durante, Burl Ives, etc), Indie Christmas (she+him, Sufjan Stevens, Low, etc) , and Classical Christmas (period music, Windham Hill, choral and orchestral works, etc). It has something for just about every music taste without being intrusive in the background.

So can you compromise by interlacing his music with the traditional songs?

[RebeccainGA]

There's an album on Amazon's MP3 service called something like "Big Christmas Box" that has like 200+ tracks of 'authentic' Christmas music - the Messiah, Nutcracker, Bach, etc. - and it's about $2. I have added it to my big (500+ song) Christmas playlist. It's a major component, but doesn't overwhelm the Ella Fitzgerald, Eartha Kitt, Jimmy Buffett, Big Bad Voodoo Daddy, etc. that is also in the mix. You may want to see about getting something like this, so you can mix the traditional with the familiar (and if you want, throw in the Muppets Christmas album for fun... nothing like Dr. Teeth singing "Is That You, Santa Claus?")

[WillyNilly]

I had to have this conversation with my DH about wedding music.  My DH is into underground hardcore punkrock - fun in a bar, not so much on a dance floor with grandma.  What I said to him was "there are lots of different types of music appreciation and liking pop music isn't a personal flaw.  There is a time and place for showing off your awesome musical knowledge - and it is awesome - but a party is not the time for it.  A party is a time for crowd pleaser music."

I think instead of "normal" or "traditional" you should use words like "crowd pleaser" or "popular" or "well known" to describe the music you are looking for, as they are less subjective terms then "holiday" or "normal".

[NestHolder]

As I get older, I think there's a lot to be said for having a party with *no* background music.  It just gets in the way of the conversation, particularly when you're starting to find it harder to hear what people are saying in a crowd.  Be radical - go without!

[magician5]

A long way from my usual style, but I never go wrong with the Carpenters Christmas album.

[JeanFromBNA]

A long way from my usual style, but I never go wrong with the Carpenters Christmas album.

I know nothing about Mr. Calypso, but given Calypso's description of his musical preferences, I can picture him twitching involuntarily as Karen Carpenter sings,  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YR1ujXx2p-I

What about the Mormon Tabernacle Choir?  Or limiting the music to 17th century and afterward (You get Handel, Mendelssohn, Tchaikovsky, Bacchh, and some favorite hymns in there).  I found this MP3 download on Amazon with a lot of good stuff:  http://www.amazon.com/40-Most-Beautiful-Christmas-Classics/dp/B000VPKRPW/ref=sr_1_1?s=music&ie=UTF8&qid=1356155327&sr=1-1&keywords=classical+christmas+music  For $6.99 I might get it myself. 

Or just hang it all and go with James Brown: http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B000VZPHSE/ref=dm_dp_trk3?ie=UTF8&qid=1356156292&sr=1-1

[Catananche]

Isn't this a husband/wife issue?

I asked my husband, who also loves music and has an eclectic taste, what he would want me to do in this situation? "Tell me that what I picked isn't suitable for the occasion" was his answer.
"Just imagine that we are hosting and we've invited all our elderly relatives. And I'm playing "A Very Metal Christmas" on a loop. They won't complain, but they won't have a good time either." As a host I want my guests to have a good time and picking music they enjoy is part of that. With all the Christmas music out there it can't be that hard to find a play list that is a combination of his dirges and more popular Christmas music.

[Venus193]

I dearly hope he doesn't prefer the original period instruments for Handel's Messiah.  Modern ones are so much brighter.

Having said that I think Bethalize has the right idea.  You can't please all of the people all of the time.

[amandaelizabeth]

Sounds like something you would hear at our house if I was choosing the music.  So relax and enjoy!

[MizA]

I have the same kind of issue on occasion with my DF. Though he's expert on certain kinds of music, they're really not everyone's cup of tea. We now have a 10-minute rule. If, after 10 minutes, the music is making people edgy/putting them to sleep/drowning out conversation, we change it and make it more of the "accessible" sort- we kind of watch for non-verbal cues. Often, folks won't say they hate the music for fear of seeming impolite, but it can be almost agonizing if it's not to everyone's taste.

[Calypso]

Thank you all so much for the replies!  The party was a success!

Sharnita, your point about familiarity was exactly the right note  to hit. Mr. C saw the sense in that and we had fun putting together a playlist from amazon (thanks for that idea, RebeccainGA) of Xmas orchestral stuff from the Boston Pops, Percy Faith, Hugo Winterhalter (all his suggestions) and Windham Hill, Vince Guaraldi and Rat Pack Christmas (mine  ). All played quietly enough to not interfere with conversation. I'm all for a no-background-sound party, Nestholder, but I was afraid my bro and his kids (who had the TV on ALL during Thanksgiving) would go batty from sonic deprivation.

People had fun! I had Christmas crackers and a Fate Cake and me nieces (who are 20 and 17 and who I generally don't know how to talk to) LOVED both and want to do 'em next year.



Happy sigh