I just don't get why people insist on involving themselves in other people's lives when the help isn't wanted or appreciated?
I can tell you why my MIL behaved that way.
First, she had no concept of boundaries. Her children, and later their spouses, were mere extensions of her. She felt she had every right to know their salaries, what they paid for their homes, and why they had doctor appointments (DH and I had to have a long discussion about privacy).
Following her logic, she believed she deserved input on how her children decorated their homes or businesses, and she took great umbrage when her input was rejected. When her daughter declined MIL's offer to build her shelves, MIL was shocked and dismayed. She called all the relatives, hoping they would convince daughter to give in. This instance is one of a slim few when she did not.
Second, MIL wanted to be viewed as a savior. She wanted all of us to say that we'd be lost without her, that we never could never have come up with such a clever solution to whatever she considered our problem.
Once when she was visiting us, she asked to go to the local hardware store. This was early in our relationship
, and I assumed she wanted to see what was different in our store. When we arrived, I asked her what section of the store she wanted to see first. She said, "Oh, the lumber department! I've figured out how to fix your shower curtain!" (Or whatever it was.)
I was taken aback, as we hadn't discussed any problem. I took a beat and said, "No thank you!" as brightly as I could muster, then turned on my heel and went back to the car.
We never discussed it again and I was seen as the problem in-law, but I could live with that.