The Disappearing Gift Kitty

[DottyG]

I love PastryGoddess' suggestion as to the wording above.  I like daughter's getting the money back in order to get something herself rather than telling this person they need to order something more.  This person had their chance to get a gift and blew it.  I'm not sure I'd trust them at this point.

the title of this thread gave me a lovely mental image of a magic cat, its neck bedecked with gifts, that disappears and reappears at random.

I kept thinking it was going to be about a kitty, too.  It took me a second to reconcile in my brain why the title said there would be a kitty in the story and then there wasn't (at least, not the one I was picturing)!

[Oh Joy]

I suggest she send an e-mail (so she can choose her words and have time to compose her responses), but my first contact would not include specific accounting assumptions, receipt requests, or references to returning money.

It depends on how the transaction was handled, but it could be as simple as 'Several parents have contacted me because they thought teacher's gift was less expensive than the amount of money they thought we collected.  I'd like to answer their questions: How much did we collect and what did we give teacher?' or 'I believe I gave you $150 for teacher's present; what did we end up buying with it?'  Thanks for running the errand and wrapping/presenting the gift may be appropriate as well.

Responses of suitable courtesy and strength would depend on the answers received.

Please keep us posted!

[Drawberry]

Let DD be honest. 

There were complaints from those that had contributed toward the gift.  From what DD has learned, those complaints are justified and she is following up on this.

I am agreeing with oogyda.

There's no reason to skirt the issue because DD can come across as a doormat.If the other $120 some odd dollars has been pocketed by Friend then she will surely look for any opening to walk all over DD to get away with her stealing. I think a firm but accusatory meeting where everything is laid out clearly would be better then trying to gently tip toe around things.

"Friend I've been approached by several parents about the gift purchased for Teacher and they brought it to my attention that a large portion of the money has not been contributed accounted for. Where is the receipt for the gift you purchased it? Has a larger gift not arrived yet or been ordered? I am going to need the additional $120 returned immediately in order to see it ASAP to complete the gift for Teacher and get something ordered promptly."

My changes above

The use of extended silence and the Toots Special is also a great tool.  The other mom may try to bluster her way out of it, so DD should come up with a phrase that she can repeat to make it clear that the only option for mom is to return the $120


After the meeting I would send her an email follow up and CC the rest of the committee leadership to make it clear that everyone knows about her behavior and to hammer the point that the missing cash needs to be ponied up immediately.

Haha thank you. I wasn't quite intending my wording to be taken literally but yours was a much..gentler way of putting things.

I also agree that an email follow up would be particularly helpful in curbing any further possibility of the remaining money not turning up  in a timely manner. I am curious to know what exactly will become of Friend here? Presumably other parents will not be entrusting her with money, or any other responsibilities, ever again.

But honestly, stealing $120 of what is suppose to be a gift to someone else? Can people really behave that way and think they can get away with it?

[VorFemme]

When I was working at a big insurance company, we had a rash of people getting a check made out to THEM to use to pay for the repairs to their vehicle.  It was made out only to them because when asked, they insisted that they didn't have a lienholder.

After the person "loaned" the money to someone who couldn't repay them - and the car repair places & the bank or credit union holding the lien on the vehicle got involved.  The insurance company ended up paying TWICE for those repairs.....because there was no way to get the money back from whatever moocher had "borrowed" it.

The procedure was changed for ALL claims after that - the checks were made payable to either the bank or the car repair place AND the person who was going to have to pay the deductible.  With two payees, the check couldn't be cashed and "loaned" out to moochers.

And the car insurance company only had to pay out once for each vehicle being repaired.

They also started having the sales people ask if there was a loan on the car instead of a "lienholder".

Any way to require that all gifts be bought by a committee of two - one of them the treasurer so that they can sign the check and the other person countersigns it - but they have to have the check and the receipt on file for the annual audit....

[Rusty]

I just had a good chuckle over the "Gift Kitty" posts, now I also have a image of a sneaky slinky kitty running off with presents stuck in my brain.    I had a word with DD about some of the replies so far, and she has found out from one of her friends that after the gift giving ceremony a couple of the parents approached said committee member and queried the obvious discrepancy in the gift with the amount raised.  (DD had told a few friends and parents how much had been collected). Apparently the member said that she had been handed around $50 to spend on the present.  This is a blatant lie, but now puts my DD in a difficult position. She is very upset and has decided to send an email to member with c.c.'s to everyone else setting out her understanding of the arrangement.

[JenJay]

Does your DD have any proof that she gave the full amount to this person? It sounds like it's going to come down to "One of them is lying, but which one?" and that really stinks for your DD. 

[Rusty]

DD says another committee member was present when she counted and handed over the money. She is now contacting the other member (she doesn't see her regularly) so that she can back up her version of events.  DD is going to resign from Committee after this, she's had enough and unfortunately now feels that some of the parents may believe the other member, even after it is resolved.

[JenJay]

I'm glad she's protected! It's unfortunate that she'll probably end up resigning but I don't blame her. One year of managing a Girl Scout cookie sale was enough to teach me I do not enjoy being responsible for (or at the mercy of!) group funds.

[Otterpop]

So sorry for your DD's situation.  That's a tough spot to be in.  I hope she is able to clear it up soon.  (Tell her to be careful about resigning too soon after this debacle.  The thief's supporters might use it to muddy DD's reputation.  Plus, it gives that woman free reign with future funds).

[dawbs]

Does your DD have any proof that she gave the full amount to this person? It sounds like it's going to come down to "One of them is lying, but which one?" and that really stinks for your DD. 

For future reference, at my workplace, I photocopy (not color, not trying to forge anything :-P) all bills before I turn them in.  Then I can show that there was $27 in the envelope.

[Raintree]

But honestly, stealing $120 of what is suppose to be a gift to someone else? Can people really behave that way and think they can get away with it?

Unfortunately, yes. And since most of us can't even conceive of doing something like that, we're too trusting. This is how they get away with it.

Even worse, she is now trying to throw the OP under the bus in order to get away with her crime.

[bopper]

DD says another committee member was present when she counted and handed over the money. She is now contacting the other member (she doesn't see her regularly) so that she can back up her version of events.  DD is going to resign from Committee after this, she's had enough and unfortunately now feels that some of the parents may believe the other member, even after it is resolved.

What is to believe?  Have the person show the receipts.

[Raintree]

I guess it's a lesson to us all, to. I'm sure nobody was prepared for the possibility that this person would take $150 and buy a $30 gift, and claim that was all she was given. It's really too bad that some people can't be trusted, and we don't know beforehand who those people are. If anyone here finds themselves in a similar situation,  have them sign for the $150 (and make sure someone else sees this), and say, "We will need a receipt for the gift, for our records."

[Catananche]

I'm sorry your DD is put in such a difficult position.

Where I worked I had to sign a receipt for the exact amount I was given.

On <this date> <this person> was given <this amount of money>.

The giver and receiver both had to sign the receipt.

[Mikayla]

With the updates, I think the most important thing is for DD to clear her name before resigning.  I'm not sure I agree with PPs mentioning the receipt, because all this woman has to do is say she can't find it or she threw it away.  Heck, that's even believable.  Then it's back to square one.

If the other committee member can't or won't get involved, then I think DD should send an email, but without mentioning the receipt.  Just tell her she's seen these around, she knows exactly what they go for, and there's about a $120 deficit to be returned.  It would be great if she could get the other person to be part of this email, and a few bcc's sent. 

The bcc's may be a little dodgy, but when someone else's actions put her reputation at risk, she needs to fight back. Etiquette doesn't say it's ok to be a doormat.