The Disappearing Gift Kitty

[PastryGoddess]

With the updates, I think the most important thing is for DD to clear her name before resigning.  I'm not sure I agree with PPs mentioning the receipt, because all this woman has to do is say she can't find it or she threw it away.  Heck, that's even believable.  Then it's back to square one.

If the other committee member can't or won't get involved, then I think DD should send an email, but without mentioning the receipt.  Just tell her she's seen these around, she knows exactly what they go for, and there's about a $120 deficit to be returned.  It would be great if she could get the other person to be part of this email, and a few bcc's sent. 

The bcc's may be a little dodgy, but when someone else's actions put her reputation at risk, she needs to fight back. Etiquette doesn't say it's ok to be a doormat.

If the woman makes that excuse, people will see right through it.  If parents have come to her complaining, there are probably more who have not complained.  I think that "everyone" knows that the Other Mom did spend their money properly and they have the right to see something done about it.

I don't think DD should send anything BCC, but instead should CC everyone on the leadership committee to make it clear to Other Mom, that it's only going to get worse if she doesn't fess up.

[Hopefull]

Op is there an update here?? Yes I am nosey!

[mikeylou]

But honestly, stealing $120 of what is suppose to be a gift to someone else? Can people really behave that way and think they can get away with it?

Yup.  At a past employer, it was common for us to pass a card and a brown envelope around the room.  Sign the card, stick the few bucks you had leftover from lunch in the envelope, or more if you felt like it.   The envelope usually got the person being honored a nice gift as we were a 24/7 shop.  We had one occasion where we (dayshift) left nightshift the brown envelope & card.  The money was left in the envelope as there had never been a problem with it before.  We came in the next morning and the money was gone.  [I'm fuzzy on the details.  I can't remember if the whole thing was missing or just the cash.]

The pool of possible thieves was limited, as we worked in a room accessible only by us (ops staff).  But management was not able to figure out who had done it.  The last time it was seen it had all of the money in it.

There were, however, suspicions.  And those suspicions were laid at the feet of one of the night shift employees who had been living beyond his means.  The money disappearing came at the same time as Diners Club informed our employer of the employee's maxed out delinquent account. 

Money collection methods changed after that.

OP, I don't believe your DD should quit the committee.  I think it is a very bad idea to do so right now and would only look suspicious.  I wouldn't go to work with anything brand new for awhile either.

[Gondwanaland]

Well its been a while but DD tells me the Pre-school committee had a lunch (pre-school is on a break) and the subject of the gift came up, member concerned got all flustered when several mothers mentioned the fact the gift did not tally with the amount handed over. Member tried to bluff her way along saying she'd only received around $50 whereupon the member who had witnessed the handing over spoke up and said that she had counted the kitty herself and was there on handover.  Red face ensued and she made excuses and left saying she'd go home and check out the folder where she had left the receipt etc.   She returned in 15mins with the rest of the money (not the same bills, it was all small denominations) saying she hadn't looked properly in the folder but THERE IT WAS ALL THE TIME.  There was quite a stunned silence while all this ensued, and suffice to say this member will be having no contact with any cash from now on.

[Starchasm]

Well its been a while but DD tells me the Pre-school committee had a lunch (pre-school is on a break) and the subject of the gift came up, member concerned got all flustered when several mothers mentioned the fact the gift did not tally with the amount handed over. Member tried to bluff her way along saying she'd only received around $50 whereupon the member who had witnessed the handing over spoke up and said that she had counted the kitty herself and was there on handover.  Red face ensued and she made excuses and left saying she'd go home and check out the folder where she had left the receipt etc.   She returned in 15mins with the rest of the money (not the same bills, it was all small denominations) saying she hadn't looked properly in the folder but THERE IT WAS ALL THE TIME.  There was quite a stunned silence while all this ensued, and suffice to say this member will be having no contact with any cash from now on.

 

That is SOME nerve!

[NyaChan]

Whoa!  I'm glad someone called her on it.

[JennJenn68]

Well its been a while but DD tells me the Pre-school committee had a lunch (pre-school is on a break) and the subject of the gift came up, member concerned got all flustered when several mothers mentioned the fact the gift did not tally with the amount handed over. Member tried to bluff her way along saying she'd only received around $50 whereupon the member who had witnessed the handing over spoke up and said that she had counted the kitty herself and was there on handover.  Red face ensued and she made excuses and left saying she'd go home and check out the folder where she had left the receipt etc.   She returned in 15mins with the rest of the money (not the same bills, it was all small denominations) saying she hadn't looked properly in the folder but THERE IT WAS ALL THE TIME.  There was quite a stunned silence while all this ensued, and suffice to say this member will be having no contact with any cash from now on.

Mm.  Funny, that?  I mean, that it was there all the time?  But no, no, of course it was simply an honest mistake...

I've been following this thread from the beginning, albeit silently.  I was hoping that eventually something like this would occur--specifically that the culprit in question would be caught pretty much "red-handed".  (I'm cynical.  I was actually expecting the exact opposite, although my non-cynical astral body occasionally is able to get a message through.)

I hope that your DD now feels at least somewhat vindicated--and that she removes herself instantly from the potential for having this happen to her again.  Once bitten; twice shy.  She did nothing wrong whatsoever, but she should never have to put up with such nastiness again.  She's done her bit; it's someone else's turn in the wringer. (Does that sound dispassionate?  It isn't meant to do so.  Chalk it up to one who's been through a similar situation and never wants to even approach something vaguely reminiscent ever again.)

[Gondwanaland]

Yes, DD has had enough and announced to the Group at the lunch (after the reappearance of the money) that she would be resigning, it is a 3yo pre-school group and grandchild will be attending for 4yo as well.  Amazingly the member concerned said nothing and it appears she intends staying on.  DD thinks she will be asked to step down.  She certainly must have a thick hide.

[PastryGoddess]

Wow...that was some nerve.  And it's great that DD didn't have to confront this bully alone

[LifeOnPluto]

Well its been a while but DD tells me the Pre-school committee had a lunch (pre-school is on a break) and the subject of the gift came up, member concerned got all flustered when several mothers mentioned the fact the gift did not tally with the amount handed over. Member tried to bluff her way along saying she'd only received around $50 whereupon the member who had witnessed the handing over spoke up and said that she had counted the kitty herself and was there on handover.  Red face ensued and she made excuses and left saying she'd go home and check out the folder where she had left the receipt etc.   She returned in 15mins with the rest of the money (not the same bills, it was all small denominations) saying she hadn't looked properly in the folder but THERE IT WAS ALL THE TIME.  There was quite a stunned silence while all this ensued, and suffice to say this member will be having no contact with any cash from now on.

Wow.

What is the actual etiquette for when someone tells what is 99% likely to be an outrageous lie? Should the group take the "polite fiction" route, and pretend that they believe the person, and yes, it was an "honest mistake" etc? Or would it be ok for someone to say "Oh come on, do you honestly expect us to believe that?" etc?

[Amava]

Well its been a while but DD tells me the Pre-school committee had a lunch (pre-school is on a break) and the subject of the gift came up, member concerned got all flustered when several mothers mentioned the fact the gift did not tally with the amount handed over. Member tried to bluff her way along saying she'd only received around $50 whereupon the member who had witnessed the handing over spoke up and said that she had counted the kitty herself and was there on handover.  Red face ensued and she made excuses and left saying she'd go home and check out the folder where she had left the receipt etc.   She returned in 15mins with the rest of the money (not the same bills, it was all small denominations) saying she hadn't looked properly in the folder but THERE IT WAS ALL THE TIME.  There was quite a stunned silence while all this ensued, and suffice to say this member will be having no contact with any cash from now on.

Wow.

What is the actual etiquette for when someone tells what is 99% likely to be an outrageous lie? Should the group take the "polite fiction" route, and pretend that they believe the person, and yes, it was an "honest mistake" etc? Or would it be ok for someone to say "Oh come on, do you honestly expect us to believe that?" etc?

I don't think anything needs to be said in such a situation. The silent looks say it all... Maybe one designated person have a talk with her in private after the fact.
And wow indeed. 

[Raintree]

Wow, you'd think she'd at least have gone to the bank first and broken down the rest of the money into small bills to make it look like she MIGHT not be lying. On the other hand, there's no way anyone thinks she is telling the truth anyway, since it would be pretty hard not to take out only some of the money from the envelope and not "see" the rest.

[Raintree]

What is the actual etiquette for when someone tells what is 99% likely to be an outrageous lie? Should the group take the "polite fiction" route, and pretend that they believe the person, and yes, it was an "honest mistake" etc? Or would it be ok for someone to say "Oh come on, do you honestly expect us to believe that?" etc?

I don't think anything needs to be said in such a situation. The silent looks say it all... Maybe one designated person have a talk with her in private after the fact.
And wow indeed. 
[/quote]

I agree. The stunned silence indicates that nobody believes her.

[cicero]

wow.

I'm glad this has been resolved, i had been worndering whatever happened

[Otterpop]

Wow Rusty, awesome ending!!!

She must have be pretty dim-witted to think the group would just let it go.  Even more so if she gave "different" money back (just taken from an ATM?) and expected them to believe she didn't look in the envelope.

Caught red-handed (red-faced) indeed!!!