Christmas wish rudeness?

[WillyNilly]

I completely agree with your point mrkitty.  Heck I think if the kid's Christmas is ruined because he didn't get the one very expensive gift he wanted, then he's getting way more then he deserves.  I don't think he should have the life lesson pointed out to him, but I agree it is life lesson, here. As will be many of the gifts many kids across the world get... or don't get.

I think the idea of someone actually getting a kid a super expensive, super snazzy gift off a wish tree is in fact setting a bad precedent in general.  Was the girl OP got his sister?  Or were any of the other ornaments his siblings? Or his friends? How will they feel if he gets a $300 gift and they get a $50 gift?  They will feel like they should have asked for something better... and next year they will and if those wishes are filled the word will spread and in a few years all the kids are asking for computers and cell phones and gaming systems instead of art kits and basketballs and board games.

Its up to adults in the world to hear kid's wishes and then give them reasonable alternatives if the wishes are too big.  Just blindly giving kids everything they ask for only teaches them to simply ask. The kid deserves presents for Christmas sure, but that doesn't mean he only should get the exact one thing he asked for.

[gollymolly2]

Op, I think you were great to participate in this and buy some kids gifts they wouldn't have had otherwise.

Having said that, I am on the side of not picking a kid if you aren't able/willing to get anything kn their list. I find all this talk of kids learning lessons etc to be kind of depressing. I'm not the kid's parent. I'm not there to instill him with values - that's what his parents are doing (hopefully). For all I know, he had a long conversation with his parents where they said "you shouldn't ask for that, you probably won't get anything" and he decided he was willing to risk that for the chance at getting the super awesome gift he wanted. I'm there to play Santa - to get a gift for a kid that he or she otherwise wouldn't be able to have, to give him/her the feeling of Christmas magic I felt as a kid when my not-well-off mother was able to get me just what I wanted.

It's perfectly acceptable to see a kid asking for an xbox, think "I wouldn't even get that for my own kid" and pass over his name. But I think it's better to leave his name, hoping someone else will be able to fulfill that wish, rather than taking it and guessing as to what he likes.

[Yvaine]

Op, I think you were great to participate in this and buy some kids gifts they wouldn't have had otherwise.

Having said that, I am on the side of not picking a kid if you aren't able/willing to get anything kn their list. I find all this talk of kids learning lessons etc to be kind of depressing. I'm not the kid's parent. I'm not there to instill him with values - that's what his parents are doing (hopefully). For all I know, he had a long conversation with his parents where they said "you shouldn't ask for that, you probably won't get anything" and he decided he was willing to risk that for the chance at getting the super awesome gift he wanted. I'm there to play Santa - to get a gift for a kid that he or she otherwise wouldn't be able to have, to give him/her the feeling of Christmas magic I felt as a kid when my not-well-off mother was able to get me just what I wanted.

It's perfectly acceptable to see a kid asking for an xbox, think "I wouldn't even get that for my own kid" and pass over his name. But I think it's better to leave his name, hoping someone else will be able to fulfill that wish, rather than taking it and guessing as to what he likes.

Yeah, I'm kind of the same way--and I think part of what irks me is that I've encountered the attitude, not necessarily in this thread but just "out in the world," that kids need to be taught lessons, or that poor kids need to be taught lessons, and from people who wouldn't dream of thinking an adult or a more well-off person needed to learn lessons. But if posters here feel the same way across the board about gift-giving, that's less irksome, though I'd still try to pick someone whose dream I could fulfill.

[yokozbornak]

I would just rather have the child get a present even if it's not exactly what he wants than nothing at all.  If the OP had picked the ornament in November then I can see the argument that she should have chosen someone else, but it's late in the holiday season, and this child's name was not chosen.  I think it's fine to buy him nice, age appropriate toys which is a better alternative than receiving nothing at all.  To me, it's not about him learning a lesson, it's about him having something to open at Christmas even if it wasn't exactly what he requested.

[Tierrainney]

Requests like this are the reason I did not participate in my Church's Angel tree this year. I was late getting to the tree, and the few ornaments left were all for high priced items. I am certain this is why they were the only ones left.  I don't know what happens with ornaments that are not picked.

Previous years I've bought requested Farm Toys, hoodies, sewing supplies and other stuff. But this year I just couldn't buy high priced electronics or other items similar.

[weeblewobble]

I completely agree with your point mrkitty.  Heck I think if the kid's Christmas is ruined because he didn't get the one very expensive gift he wanted, then he's getting way more then he deserves.  I don't think he should have the life lesson pointed out to him, but I agree it is life lesson, here. As will be many of the gifts many kids across the world get... or don't get.

I think the idea of someone actually getting a kid a super expensive, super snazzy gift off a wish tree is in fact setting a bad precedent in general. Was the girl OP got his sister?  Or were any of the other ornaments his siblings? Or his friends? How will they feel if he gets a $300 gift and they get a $50 gift? 

No, the girl was in a different family.

[weeblewobble]

Also, please note that in no way was I trying to teach this boy a "life lesson."  I was doing what I could for him with the resources I had.

[mrkitty]

I would just rather have the child get a present even if it's not exactly what he wants than nothing at all.  If the OP had picked the ornament in November then I can see the argument that she should have chosen someone else, but it's late in the holiday season, and this child's name was not chosen.  I think it's fine to buy him nice, age appropriate toys which is a better alternative than receiving nothing at all.  To me, it's not about him learning a lesson, it's about him having something to open at Christmas even if it wasn't exactly what he requested.

Totally POD. Thank you for expressing a concept that I was trying to get at - better than I ever could. 

[Yvaine]

Also, please note that in no way was I trying to teach this boy a "life lesson."  I was doing what I could for him with the resources I had.

Oh, I didn't think you were at all.  I've just encountered that idea from time to time over the years from other people.

[Visiting Crazy Town]

I don't think  you were rude on either count.  I personally never give gift receipts (I would for clothes, but I never give clothes as gifts, so...) I don't think Christmas gifts should be about getting the absolute exact thing you wanted, I think a gift is supposed to be a surprise that someone else picked out.  And I think kids who are too picky should learn to live with what they get not be catered to to encourage their pickiness. That's the way I was raised and I turned out ok (and actually I think I'm an excellent gift receiver, even things I never knew I wanted.  Its also honestly cured me of over pickiness and perfectionism - its ok if things don't match perfectly, etc.)

I also think no one was going to buy that boy a super expensive gift and he is lucky you took the time and attention to figure out something else age appropriate and generous to give him.
I used to be an "elf" for a Christmas gift fulfillment program at my old corporate job.  We got hundreds of letters from kids and handed them out to the employees to fill.  The letters were given to us through the Y, or Big Brothers Big Sisters and few other organizations and written in crayon.  Often a kid would ask for something expensive, and you'd see the item crossed out and an adult's handwritting in ballpoint pen filling in a more reasonable request.  So its be "I would like an iPod Harry Potter books". Clearly the organizations were vetting the requests.  I think its silly for an organization to not do so.  Even kids who are getting gifts from their parents get the talk about how Santa has to limit his budget to be able to give all the kids gifts.

This simply isn't true.  we usually adopt a family or children at work for Christmas in my department at work over 150+ people and fill their wish list since we collect money and items from everyone we have bought expensive gifts what ever is left over goes on a grocery gift card for the family.  If my department had gotten his name he most likely would have gotten the pricey gift.

[WillyNilly]

I would just rather have the child get a present even if it's not exactly what he wants than nothing at all.  If the OP had picked the ornament in November then I can see the argument that she should have chosen someone else, but it's late in the holiday season, and this child's name was not chosen.  I think it's fine to buy him nice, age appropriate toys which is a better alternative than receiving nothing at all.  To me, it's not about him learning a lesson, it's about him having something to open at Christmas even if it wasn't exactly what he requested.

See to me though, that is a life lesson.  The lesson being, even though maybe he didn't get just what he asked for, at least he knows he is still worthy of gifts.  That maybe he didn't get his exact wish, but he wasn't just pushed to the side and forgotten; someone cared enough to try to get him something he would enjoy.

Everyone fits into the world.  Sometimes we all wish we fit into a different place then where we are, but its always important to remember, even if we aren't exactly where we wish were were in the grand scheme of it all, we are still here, and cared about and important.

[mrkitty]

Also, please note that in no way was I trying to teach this boy a "life lesson."  I was doing what I could for him with the resources I had.

I don't think you were trying to do that at all, and I don't think anyone else thinks that. It seems like I caused an unfortunate controversy and misunderstanding by my earlier comment.  I really and deeply apologize for that. I was just trying to look at the situation through a different lens - because I have my own background that informs my perspective.

I think all people everywhere, no matter the age, economic status or whatever benefit from unintended growth opportunities all the time. For example, I came from a middle class background and there were plenty of presents. But when I was 15, that first Christmas after my mother died, our family had a big extended family Christmas. Because there were so many people involved, it was decided by the adults that it would be better to do a secret santa kind of gift exchange, instead of having to buy gifts for everyone, which could add up. A cousin of mine drew my name and gave me a makeup brush set.

Because I perceived that the gift seemed less extravagant than some of my other cousins received, I went around sighing all evening and COMPLAINED ABOUT THE GIFT. To this day I am ashamed and embarrassed about my boorish, rude, completely unacceptable behavior. BTW, it turned out to be a cherished, favorite item of mine AND my cousin was nothing but kind, forgiving and gracious when I apologized...which put me to extra shame. 

So, I can say that I learned a lesson about the concept of gift giving. The guilt and shame I CONTINUE to feel about it taught me a lesson, that it's not the price of the gift that matters, but rather the fact that someone loves or cares about you enough to give you anything at all.

I guess I was wrong to use that experience to inform my opinion about the charitable gift giving question. But I don't think those "life lessons" are meant only for poor children, or even just children. I've seen adults be just as ungracious as I was.

I'm not even trying to imply that this particular child would be in any way whatsoever ungrateful for the lovely gifts given to him, or anything like the ingrate I was. I was just trying to say that it's the thought that counts, and weeble wobble was kind to give the child what she could, in my opinion. And that maybe someday, when he gets older, he might also feel extra good realizing that a complete stranger cared - the same thing I came to realize myself after MY experience.

In any case, I'm so very sorry to have caused such a misunderstanding. I guess I was over thinking the whole thing and making it more complicated than it was, and instead of giving comfort to the OP I caused stress. I feel terrible. I'm sorry. 

[a clever screenname]

Just to answer one of the earlier questions, I did once ask one of the volunteers who was manning the gift tree at my local mall what happens with the kids whose ornaments are left unchosen, and was told then that the charity did have a supply of generic gifts that go to the remaining kids.

[Twik]

So, barring a last minute decision by someone with lots of free cash, he would have ended up with other gifts anyway.

I agree with most posters - if the OP had chosen this early, intending to get something else, it would be rude. If it's a choice of "someone gets him smaller presents, or no one picks him at all," I say go for it.

[Sharnita]

The reason you stick to the list is not because it is a charity or because they are a kid. It is because you don't even know who they are. Apart from the list you have no idea about their inerests, talents, responsibilities or experiences.